Opinion
2 min

Kink on a dime: your guide to pervertables

Ken gets kinky Credit: Luis Penze
One of the biggest hurdles people may encounter when trying to get into kink is the start-up cost. Unless you happen to have a buttload of money, all those leather pieces, ropes, chains, floggers, whips and fuck swings are going to add up. To paraphrase Dolly Parton, it takes a lot of money to look this dirty. So what are you supposed to do when you want to start experimenting a little more in your private life but you don’t want to go broke at the SM ATM?
 
Enter “pervertables” — everyday items bought on the cheap at regular outlets that can, through the use of one’s imagination, be used for sexy times. One of the dirty little secrets about adult shops is that they mark up items because they know exactly why you’re going to be using them. A riding crop from any kink store will invariably cost more than one you buy from a riding tack shop because the former knows you’re going to be using it on humans instead of horses.
 
BDSM educator Trevor Jacques introduced the concept of the $35 toy bag in his book On the Safe Edge: A Manual for SM Play, the basic concept being that you could easily prepare yourself for a lot of play by buying seemingly mundane items (clothespins, paraffin candles) at places like Canadian Tire and Ikea.
 
Great places to buy pervertables include hardware stores — such as Dudley’s Hardware on Church Street. Even smaller shops tend to have a surprising array of chains and ropes to choose from (be sure to burn rope ends so that frayed edges don’t cut or irritate skin) and at a reasonable price. If you want to be more economical in your bondage, cutting up old, clean bed sheets will give you soft but sturdy scarves that can be used to tie up someone.
 
If you’re in a pinch and have no desire to leave the house, feel free to bring out your inner Martha Stewart by recycling household objects. The kitchen, in particular, is a treasure trove of pervertables: spatulas, wooden spoons and chopsticks all make for wonderful percussion-play instruments as long as there are no sharp corners or splinters.
 
Speaking of the kitchen, while the idea of playing “hide the carrot” sounds fun, you might want to steer clear of hard vegetables for insertion. Not only can they snap off and require an embarrassing ER visit, but they’re often covered in pesticides and bacteria. Insertion play with household objects is inherently riskier, but you can lessen the risk by throwing a condom on smooth objects that cannot break or splinter, such as bananas or (and I swear to god, this was suggested) peeled hardboiled eggs.
 

While certain items like floggers and whips should always be bought from skilled crafters, there are plenty of fantastic fetish scenes that can be put together using affordable everyday objects and a little creativity. Ultimately, your mind is a better sexual organ than even the biggest cock.