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Lady Gaga and Madonna aren’t gay, just shady cunts

During her New Zealand concert, Lady Gaga went off on a monologue (which was accentuated by dramatic piano chords) about how society has changed in the past 25 years and there’s no need for cunty-shady-reading-ness anymore. 

"It sometimes makes people feel better about themselves, you know, to put other people down, or make fun of them, or maybe make mockery of their work, and that doesn’t make me feel good at all,” Gaga said. Could she be referring to Madonna’s cunty-shady-genius “Express Yourself/Born This Way/She’s Not Me” mashup? “I don’t even want to fight back because it’s more important to me to keep writing music,” Gaga continued. “Because that’s really all I care about, is the music."

You’d think for someone who doesn’t want to fight back or really doesn’t care about anything but the music she’d stop there, but girl can talk as long as one of her videos.

"When I look into your eyes every night I don’t see a fan base that wants to see me fight or bite or be shady or cunty the way that we all used to be,” Gaga said to the crowd. “Can’t I be gay and not have to slice you? Can’t I be gay and not have to be a cunt? Can’t I be gay and not feel that I have to read you and be shady? Can’t I just be myself and not have to do that? Things are really different than they were 25 years ago, and that’s what makes ‘Born This Way’ so relevant for me. We’re socially in a completely different place and it’s okay. We don’t all have to hate and slice each other anymore.”

"Can’t I be gay?” she asks! No, you can’t. Just because you rip off gay culture doesn’t make you gay. Just because you fight for gay rights doesn’t make you gay. It doesn’t even make you an honorary gay. It just makes you a talented fag hag who realizes, much like Madonna, that the gay minority is artistic, innovative and visionary. It just makes you a smart straight girl (as in not gay) with an acute understanding of gay culture’s value. I’m not saying that Gaga or Madonna’s commitment to their gay fan base isn’t genuine, but let’s be realistic — who are they without a gay following? Take away the gays from Lady Gaga and she’s left with insecure 12-year-old girls who have “Hair” as their ringtone. Take away the gays from Madonna and she’s left with people who look her age. Of course they’re committed to us — we make those bitches.

Now, I personally think Lady Gaga should send Madonna a thank-you card for making a mockery of her work, instead of suing her for plagiarism. A lot of things may have changed in the past 25 years, but last time I checked, blatantly ripping off the first decade of another artist’s career is still kind of, uhm, illegal. 

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