Toronto Diary
1 min

Lady Gaga wore dildo shoes. That is all.

Ladies and gentlemen, I give you the pinnacle of human ingenuity: Lady Gaga’s dildo shoes.

Yeah, they’re exactly what you think they are: stilettos. With glass cocks for heels. Let’s all remember this as the day when Lady Gaga gave up. What do you think was going through her head when she decided to strap on a pair of dick pumps? 

"What the hell? Dildo shoes? You know what? Fuck it; I’m not even going to try anymore. Someone hot glue some Lucite dicks to my feet, and let’s call it a day. I just… I have grown tired of living. In fact, just hot glue dicks all over me. Just cover me from head to toe in cocks. I don’t give a shit anymore. I don’t even need to form coherent sentences anymore; I can just spout out a bunch of words that only gay dudes understand. Walk, walk passion baby, bitch, fierce, vaguely inspirational bullshit pandering to my Little Monsters… there, I’m done. You bitches happy now? I’m your dick queen. All bow before me and my army of flobbity silicone cocks. Jesus, I need a drink…”

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