Canada
2 min

Leave Chris Crocker alone!

Has Chris Crocker made the leap from YouTube celebrity to XTube celebrity?

On the fame scale, internet stardom ranks somewhere between “Kardashian” and “politician’s mistress”: it’s enough to get you an appearance on Good Morning America but not quite enough to land you on Dancing with the Stars.

When we first met Chris Crocker, he sported a curly, feminine blond haircut and running mascara and was screaming into a camera, between hysterical sobs, about Britney Spears’ Video Music Awards performance. As far as first impressions go… Well, he could have done a little better, let’s just leave it at that.

But the combination of timely pop-culture commentary, screaming obsession and androgyny was enough to cement him as an internet celebrity. He appeared on daytime talk shows, was featured on gossip blogs and even made his way onto Tosh.0, the more popular and less funny version of Web Soup.

And then, sometime last month, Crocker hit us with a curve ball by announcing that he was making the jump to gay porn and would be filming with Chi Chi LaRue sometime in November. The public’s reaction was more or less split down the middle, with one side fawning over the new pornographer while the other side rolled their eyes hard enough to detach their retinas. One side thought it was a smart move, casting a recognizable figure to draw publicity; the other thought it was just stunt casting.

Personally, I’m a little torn on the matter, but I’m going to go against my usually bitchy nature and say that Crocker deserves to do gay porn.

I get that a lot of people, when they think of Chris Crocker, think of the gender-fuck kid screaming about how we should all leave Britney alone. But that was a good four years ago. Now, Crocker has actually worked hard enough at the gym to sculpt his body into one that is, if not ridiculously cut and muscular, still pretty good. It may not be your cup of tea, but at least he worked hard for it.

And yes, Crocker may be a little weird (for internet celebrities, it’s a given), but what is gay porn if not a respite for the freaks? Gay porn welcomes the poor, the hungry, the huddled masses yearning to be free, and then we give them money to stick things up their butts. If you’re hot and kinky enough, you can do gay porn, no questions asked.

Despite my recommendations, I do offer Crocker one piece of advice: if you’re going to do porn, make sure you’re doing it for the right reasons. No one wants to see someone who’s in it because they want money or attention; people want to see someone fuck because they like fucking. So before you start coming on camera, make sure you’re in it for the long haul. Other than that, venture forth and be fruitful. And just putting this out there — it never hurts to wear a condom.