Canada
2 min

Leave Sir Ian McKellen’s cock alone

Americans should worry about the true pricks on TV

You’ve got to love Americans. During a time of record oil prices, mortgage and financial uncertainties, an upcoming election and a pair of sticky wars that just won’t go away, some folks are already bracing for the scandal of PBS broadcasting a full-frontal nude scene from one of our generation’s most respected thespians.

(I say thespian and not actor as when I was little and used to lisp, thespian sure sounded like lesbian.)

Yes, Magneto himself, Sir Ian McKellen, may or may not have his naughty bits broadcast on public television when PBS airs the filmed version of King Lear in early 2009. Though almost six months away, people are already curious to see just what the thinking person’s network will do with his 69-year-old cock.

If the FCC freaked out at Janet Jackson’s infamous Super Bowl nipple (which, according to the New York Times, has had its early fine against CBS thrown out by an appeals court) what are they going to do with about a 69-year-old wiener? Perhaps they will try to bitmap (those small black boxes) his crotch. Perhaps they will place the PBS logo down there or just cut out the scene entirely. Nothing like censoring that filthy minded Shakespeare, eh?

If the possible cock show were from a Republican-supporting actor, then I doubt that anyone would care, but the cock in question is a foreign gay cock, second only to Al-Qaeda cock as the most un-American and dangerous.

Quite frankly, if people want to see cock so badly that they’ll sit through hours of iambic pentameter, then let them. I highly doubt that 12 year olds will take the time to see a Shakespearian play let alone get corrupted by one. If folks are so worried about children seeing naked older men then they should work at banning public swimming pool change rooms.

All this cock talk makes me think back to the years where I’d watch the French channel under the guise of improving my French Immersion learned French. I didn’t understand a lot of what was being said, though I did see a lot of breasts and bums. A few cocks even. And I learned to love French Canadians.

We’re so bloody uptight in English Canada. The other day I saw a clip on CBC where George Stroumboulopoulos (as long as I have a face, he’ll always have a chair) called someone an asshole during his interview with Margaret Cho, but the CBC bleeped “asshole” out when she used it to refer to her own asshole. They also bleeped “pussy.” Apparently a full-body asshole is acceptable, but an asshole-sized asshole is offensive.

God help us if Quebec separates. The only porn we’ll be able to watch is a bunch of Alberta oil wells spurting.

I hope that English Canadian television doesn’t become more like it’s neighbours to the South. And I hope Americans start to worry about the true pricks on US television. Leave Sir Ian’s prick alone.