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4 min

Let’s talk about sex

Xtra Vancouver's 2012 Sex Survey results

Credit: Medioimages/Photodisc

We asked and you didn’t hold back. From your first time to your favourite pickup lines, worst disasters and best advice, you proved once again that truth is better (and hotter) than fiction.

How did it feel the first time you came?

Confusing.

Amazing.

Tingly all over.

Like I hit the ceiling. An amazing rush until my mother yelled, “Go to sleep!”

I was scared. I thought I was having a seizure.

I was totally freaked out, no idea what was going on. I was humping a pillow and all this jizz was everywhere.

It was earth shattering, life changing.

LOL amazing! Discovering what a body is capable of is inspiring! Why am I blushing just thinking of it?

I couldn’t stop smiling . . . for days.

How did it feel the most recent time you came?

I’d been edging for 25 minutes with porn on and tons of lube. My cock jerked so hard; what a hot cum.

Delicious.

Ayooooooooooooo.

Gushed all over the place. Powerful.

Not so great — my vibrator died.

Meh, a hand only goes so far.

Awesome and intense. My beautiful boyfriend fucked a double load outta me and made me cry.

Still ah . . .

What is the most atypical thing that has aroused you to masturbate?

Playing Fable II on Xbox. I must sound like the biggest dork . . .

Sitting on a heat pack.

Used condom on the ground.

Seeing erections in a farm/zoo.

The wonderful complete silence of the forest.

Photos of friends on Facebook.

Work. It creeps me out. I work in healthcare and see gross things, but the adrenalin leaves me really horny.

An episode of Modern Family.

Cutting the grass with a lawnmower.

The cat kneading my crotch through my jeans.

A lava lamp.


What is your best pickup technique/line?

“Be careful what you ask for; I might say yes.”

“Want to see all my fur?”

“I’m new to the area. Show me around?”

“My preferred pronoun is ‘us.’”

“Would you like to go for milkshakes sometime?”

“I’ll be fucking you in five minutes.”

Smile and hold that gaze. Works every time.

What is the worst pickup technique/line you have ever been subjected to?

A guy once tried to convince me he was wealthy and his biggest fantasy was to show off a guy like me to his friends. Sadly, he had neither money nor friends!

“Wanna fuck? How big is your dick? I’m Asian, mine’s small.”

When older guys message me and send pics of their cocks right away before saying hello.

Him: “Hi.”
Me: “Hi.”
Him: “Well, this cock isn’t gonna suck itself . . .”

“I’m bored, let’s have sex.”

“Heeeeeey! You look a lot like my next girlfriend.”

The one where they ask if you’ve fallen from heaven. Gag.

A guy ACTUALLY asked me if there was a mirror in my pocket because he could “see himself in my pants.” True story: it happened on a Thursday night at Numbers. I told him it wasn’t a mirror and he must have mistaken me for someone without a brain.

Old drunk guys asking me if I’m cut or uncut at the PumpJack . . . over and over and over again.

He stroked my bicep and said, soulfully, “I can see by your eyes that you’ve suffered a lot.” Not as much as I’m suffering right now, buddy!

The “I’m going to hump your leg” phenomenon on the dancefloor. Jesus, get some class!

“Are you gay?”

The “I want you to do this to me, I want you to do that to me” whiner.

Many years ago, at a club with my then-boyfriend, an old dude came up behind me where I was dancing, leaned in behind me, reached his hand up under my ass to feel my crotch from underneath and tried to seductively speak into my ear and ask what my pants were made out of. WTF? I kid you not, I almost threw up right then and there.

By the guy at the deli: “Would you like your meat cut thick or thin?” — but it worked!

What pickup technique/line works on you?

According to Xtra readers, the direct, sincere approach works best. Confidence, friendliness and a genuine smile help, too.

Anyone that makes me laugh in a haha funny way and not a haha-this-is-really-awkward kind of way.

Romance. Turn on the charm, light the candles . . .

Whispering sweet nothings in my ear — and putting my hand on their dick.

What is your ultimate sexual fantasy?

Getting fucked by an entire football team.

Sex with a prince. If you know any that are DTF, please send them my way.

Sleeping with sexy street trash.

A perfect date, complete with stupid mushy romance shit that you see in movies, ending with really good sex.

Sex with Lenny Kravitz!

Sex on the ice during intermission at a Canucks game.


What is your number one sex tip for survey readers?

Wait a bit till you go into the pants. Tease the person. When you finally dive in, mix things up (if this is your first time with that person) to see what they like. And remember, EVERYONE (well almost) likes to have their asshole worked.

Be yourself, be honest and be real.

If you’re not having fun, believe me — they’re not having fun.

Throw vanilla out the window and hit the sheets like a freak! You’ve got your entire life to be conservative; the bedroom is your place to let your freak flag fly. Explore and push your boundaries.

Enjoy foreplay.

Shave your ass.

Focus on giving pleasure more than getting it. It comes back to you double.

Be aware of different tastes and tempos.

Use more toys, ladies. Toys, toys, toys!

Be sensual as well as sexual.

Dude, relax. Just because you came doesn’t mean you have to get up right away and put your clothes on and get ready to leave. Relax . . . lay with me. Let’s bask in the feeling of our orgasm together. Seriously.