First off, let me just get this out of the way because I know you’re all thinking it:
Seriously, this was the most boring end of the world since Roland Emmerich’s 2012. I, for one, am not amused. Those four horsemen best come correct next time, because if this shit happens again, the only part of me that will be going upwards to Jesus will be my ankles.
Anyway, on to more important shit. The Westboro Baptist Church decided to picket a show that the queen of mean, Ms Lisa Lampanelli, was putting on in Topeka the other day. To fight them off, Lisa pledged to donate $1,000 for each protester in attendance to the Gay Men’s Health Crisis, a group dedicated to helping gay men affected by AIDS. In all, 44 of the fun-sucking fuckers showed up, and true to her word, Lisa donated $44,000 to charity just to piss them off. Brava, Lampanelli. Brava. *Dignified applause*