2 min

Lovers to intimate friends

Introducing the new beau to the ex-lovers

After several weeks of dating bliss, I recently decided to introduce my new beau to my group of friends and found myself having to make the unexpected and rather awkward confession that I have had sexual experiences with most of my queer friends.

Having once considered myself a romantic, and after having practiced years of Christian chastity as a Jehovah’s Witness, I was quite surprised to have ended up as someone I would have previously considered promiscuous.

Having grappled with the criticism that homosexuals are all about sex, I’ve somehow given proof to the old joke that blowjobs are the handshakes of the gay world.

I can’t deny that a lot of my gay friendships started off with mutual attraction. Those initial sparks of excitement and curiosity led to lots of fun exploration and physical delight.

Sure, I’ve encountered some weirdness with some of my flings as I’ve experimented after the fact with avoidance, obsession, or being blocked from several Facebook profiles. But I’m also quite pleased with the way many of these encounters have developed beyond the initial attraction into what have really become family-like bonds.

Whenever my friends and I consider our early sexual shenanigans, our memories are a source of warm laughter and good-natured teasing, and help to mark the progress we’ve made in getting to understand each other as multi-sided human beings.

I have to admit that it makes me very happy to have shared such intimacy with so many of my sexy loved ones.

However, now that I find my-self in a budding relationship, I have to wonder what kind of impact my history of casual sex could have on my potential partner. I find myself worried that he’ll feel threatened or insecure that I’m surrounded by so many of my ex-lovers or that he might consider our sexual experiences to be less intimate or cheapened by my past.

I can’t erase my past, nor would I ever want to. For some reason what I once shared with some of my ex-lovers has evolved into wonderful and platonic friendships.

As these friendships grew and as my friends and I found other partners, our sexual attractions subsided and were replaced by loving care and camaraderie.  I don’t think having a busy sex life should disqualify anyone from being considered a serious romantic partner but I have to admit that when I was doing much of my sleeping around, I didn’t really consider that potential in myself. However, circumstances change.

Be it chemistry, mutual affection, timing, whatever the reason, my current love interest has inspired me to consider greater romantic possibilities. With him, I share a connection that I’m ready to focus on and nourish.

While there are quite a number of people with whom I’ve engaged sexually, there are very few who’ve aroused this kind of intention in me, and presently my guy is the only one. It is an intimacy that goes beyond sexual activity, that continues long after the orgasm.

Although he’s a bit shocked by my sexual history, he has continued to share his time with me, albeit with much teasing.

I used to think people who slept around would get used up somehow and have nothing more to give. I’m learning that it isn’t all the sex you’ve had or with whom that really matters but who it is you decide to share your time with now. And the beauty, understanding, security and expression you can create with them today.