Did you know that there are only 81 days left until Halloween, aka gay Christmas, aka that day where I get free candy for dressing like a slut, which I do for free anyway, so honestly, it’s just FREE CANDY?! Well, now you learned something. This has been a teachable moment. You’re welcome.
Which means that you have only 81 days left to make a completely original costume, because it’s just not Halloween unless you spend several furious, degrading, annoying hours super-gluing a cardboard Bender costume together so that you get five Facebook likes on it. And this year, you can go as the reigning queen of spook, Sharon Needles, thanks to her new line of Sharon Needles Halloween masks!
The masks come in two flavours: Spooky or Beautiful. (Apparently, a Stupid mask was either off the table. Or redundant.) And they can be yours for the low, low cost of $75, plus $6.66 for shipping and handling. Honestly, the money cannot fly out of my wallet fast enough because looking as good as Sharon Needles is priceless. PRICELESS, I SAY. Although I guess technically, the price is $81.66. So yeah. There’s that.