Health
1 min

New Year’s Resolutions

Did you make any for yourself?  I normally don't — my sweeping declarations on how I'll improve my life usually come after every weekend — but this year, I'd thought I'd share a few:

— Work out like Hugh Jackmaneven if it kills me

— Get out there and have as much fun as a priest

— Stop upsetting Nancy Robertson with my pornographic hand-holding

Stop hacking into celebrities' Twitter accounts:

Lay off the steroids!

Study the Bible with Prince (cause he is funky!)

— Go on one of those detox diets that…what's that?  They're crap?  Woo hoo!  Time for potato chips and coffee!!