Toronto Diary
1 min

Nigerian student proves gay marriage ‘wrong’ using magnets

There have been many, MANY dumb arguments against gay marriage, each one of them a fresh bouquet of stupid bullshit that flies in the face of science and human decency. They’d all be wonderfully campy if it weren’t for the fact that so many laws are based on these prime examples of flawed logic.

But this. THIS SHIT RIGHT HERE. This is quite possibly one of my favourite displays of dipshittery I have ever seen.

Say hello to Chibuihem Amalaha. He’s a postgraduate student from Nigeria who claims to have used math, physics, biology and chemistry to prove why gay marriage is wrong. And with that much academia behind him, there’s no way his argument could be a huge steaming pile of hilarious failure, right?

Well, here’s his claim, via The Huffington Post:

"A bar magnet is a horizontal magnet that has the North Pole and the South Pole and when you bring two bar magnets and you bring the North Pole together you find that the two North Poles will not attract. They will repel, that is, they will push away themselves showing that a man should not attract a man. If you bring two South Poles together you find that the two South Poles will not attract indicating that same sex marriage should not hold. A female should not attract a female as South Pole of a magnet does not attract the South Pole of a magnet. But, when you bring a North Pole of a magnet and a South Pole of a magnet they will attract because they are not the same, indicating that a man will attract a woman because of the way nature has made a female."

Oh, Amalaha. I’m not sure what you’ve been doing with your penis, but it’s wrong.

If I understand this right, you took a science that has absolutely no bearing on human sexuality and behaviour and used it to justify your views on exactly that. You’ve successfully failed in ways the human mind cannot even comprehend.

Also, I really need to ask this: have you been fucking magnets? Because that would explain so much. Please tell me you’ve been having sex with magnets this whole time, otherwise you’ve wasted your life.