1 min

Nothing to do with us

In theory, it sounds like a great idea. The Everything To Do With Sex show blew through town last weekend, packing more than 100 exhibitors into the Automotive Building at Exhibition Place. With a multitude of performances, seminars and demonstrations, the program promises to bring the “best in the industry under one roof for three straight days.”

Three straight days just about sums it up.

Making the rounds with my delightfully gay male escort, we were repeatedly regaled with detailed explanations of how we, as an assumedly heterosexual couple, would make use of the various toys and apparatuses on offer. Not even our collective shudder at the description of exactly where my clit would be in relation to his cock was enough to slow them in their heterocentric certainty.

While the keenly trained queer eye might have picked out the handful of homos infiltrating the show, the only overtly queer booth was manned by artists butch and Darrell “boy” Smith, bless their leather-clad hearts, who were gaily exhibiting their refreshingly raunchy erotic art. (Although OutTV was listed as an exhibitor, somehow its booth escaped my notice.)

To add to its irksomeness, the show wasn’t just low on queer content; it was shockingly low on feminist spirit, too, from the “babe crossing” products (depicting a lineup of big-boobed silhouettes on their knees) to the seminar that promised participants the secrets of “what the guy has to do at the beginning of the interaction to get the girl and what can she do to make it easier for him to approach.” Snore.

While there were definitely high points, like learning that even silicone dildos may carry the oh-so-suspicious “novelty” disclaimer (not that most of the exhibitors could tell me what their products were made from — never reassuring when shopping for something to stick up your twat) and a snack break at the oyster stand, overall the show was a major disappointment. Instead of presenting the dazzling array of sexual opportunities available, the show represented a narrow slice of the spectrum and sold it like it was the only game going.

Note to the management: next year consider better exhibitor rates for booths that actually push the envelope.