4 min

OK! Rub it in, why don’t you

The steamy scoop on frottage

I’ve always had a soft spot for outdoor sex. From dusk encounters on one of our city’s scenic recreational paths to covert fondling in the Rideau Centre parking garage, getting out and getting it on appeals to both the exhibitionist and the voyeur in me. But in the frigid throes of a Canadian winter, how’s a girl to indulge her fancies for public sex?

You can imagine my delight when epiphany struck me dumb with the realisation that there is indeed a time-tested way to get off that is safe, intimate, and doesn’t require you to expose your flesh to sub-zero temperatures or risk getting frostbite on your favorite bits.

Yes, I’m talking about frottage. Humping, tribadism, the dry rub, what-ever you call it, you gotta love it.

After a few enlightening experiments, I realised that although humping is something to dislike in a German shepherd, it is in fact an excellent activity to encourage your lover to indulge in, and a great way to pass the time while waiting for a bus.

So why, I wondered, do I not hear about people humping all over the place? I thought this subject warranted a more in-depth investigation. I already knew that frottage has long been a standby for teenagers as well as an excellent faux-finish paint technique, but how does it fit into the sex life of a well-rounded adult? The answer as it turns out is as well as a firmly muscled thigh between your legs.

Indoors or out, and regardless of gender or sexual orientation, humping of one sort or another brings back fond memories to most of us. Many cite its role in the very earliest of sexual discoveries and every girl that’s ever learned how to properly ride a horse has enjoyed this guilt-free indulgence. One gentleman confided in me that he had always enjoyed a rousing rub on his mattress as a youth. So much so that this continues to be the only way he can masturbate to orgasm.

A quick search on the net confirmed that variations of this under-rated sexual technique continue to be a favourite stand-by, and in many cases a preference. There is an entire sub-culture of gay men who swear by it and discuss their experiences on web sites such as Cockrub Warriors (

According to one aficionado, “Most guys into frot want the complete cockrub experience, usually in a full embrace, where they’re able to kiss deeply, rub cocks, and feel their partner’s pecs, arms, balls, and legs at the same time. But there are variations.

“Some guys really love frot wearing speedos or jocks or Levis or briefs or vinyl. Some guys are into dick on pecs or cock on back or dick between thighs.”

A fine example of the old adage, “Variety is the spice of life.” You’ll find a few local boys contributing their stories to the site too, and lots of people bemoaning the “anal tyranny.” Why not buck the trend and swordfight someone you love today?

No doubt acquiring advanced frot skills will come in handy next time you’re courting a shy bi. In fact, a good dry hump is an excellent addition to any bisexual’s repertoire, and something that can be enjoyed with anyone. The same goes for transsexuals of any stripe. Frottage is the ultimate equal opportunity conjoiner.

Lesbians are the unsung heroes of rubbing. They can do it like no one else can (picture a pair of scissors), and they even have their own name for it: tribadism. The term was historically used interchangeably with “lesbian,” but it comes to us via the Greek and Latin words tribin and tribas meaning “to rub.”

Sure it doesn’t do a good job of defining the full range of dyke sexuality, but who can complain about an all-purpose sex act that can be enjoyed in a dress, dickies or a dildo? Try it next time you’re dancing with your girl – it’s bound to help that two left feet problem.

A good rub is just as popular in the straight world, but exploring those avenues reveals the seamier side of frot. As it turns out, some rubbing is just plain bad.

Frotteurism is paraphilic, or a “not-nice way to achieve sexual gratification.” It involves rubbing up against strangers in crowded public places. Can I just say that this is NOT sexy in any way? If this is your bag, get professional help so that you can learn to play nice with the other adults. Remember: consent is a requirement.

Other non-kosher frottage antics can be found on a surprising number of web sites along the lines of Essentially, some guy thinks it’s the height of hilarity to publish pictures of himself humping inanimate objects. If you know someone who does this, please tell them it’s not funny.

A good rub is more of an art than a science. With that in mind I’ve compiled a brief how-to to help you newbies get started in what is sure to be a rewarding pastime.

Five rules for frottage finesse:

1) Ask before you hump – you wouldn’t want some starry-eyed stranger humping your leg like an amorous schnauzer would you? This goes for inanimate objects too. Rubbing your pee-pee on a table full of new acquaintances is the height of bad taste.

2) Experiment – everyone is different. Whether you’re the humper or the humpee, try different positions to discover just the right spot(s).

3) Take your time – even if you’ve never done it before, you can come this way with a little practice. If you lack patience, well foreplay is more play.

4) Play – intermediate frotteurs can expand their repertoire by including props and role play. Think Olympic wrestling, dildo packing or variations on a spanking for all you S&M weirdos.

5) Be safe – all the rules of safety and consideration still apply. If you’re mixing fluids, use a rubber. (Pun not intentional).

All in all, I think frottage is a sex act that deserves praise and practice, Winter is looking a whole lot brighter to me now. Time to grab my skates and my girl and head off to the quiet end of the canal.