Arts & Entertainment
1 min

Olympus a bit of a yawn

What does a Republican presidential candidates debate have in common with this porn video?

Power-bottom Sebastian Bronco may be well endowed, but he's a little on the dull side fucking his doppelganger in Colt's new video. Credit: Coltstudiogroup.com

Although it may be too late to stuff a stocking with Colt Studio Group’s new feature Olympus: Estate of Man, it should be stuffed somewhere.

Filmed in bright outdoor locations with relatively attractive models, this particular gay porn is a bit of a yawn.

At this time of year they say it’s better to give than to receive. Well, you tell that to power bottom Sebastian Bronco, who, in the first scene, gladly receives a present from his doppelganger Peter Shadow. Since both models are essentially identical, with their big, hairless chests, shaved heads and vacant stares, after six minutes I lost track of who was who. Luckily, they work it out.

The producers might as well have had one of them fuck a full-length mirror; they’d have saved themselves $30.

The forgettable second scene features equally forgettable Enrico Belaggio and the single-named Zsolt, who frightened me a little.

Scene 3 featured, and I’m not making this up, Win Soldier topping Joe Justice in an industry-standard outdoor armchair scene. Justice and Soldier test the durability of a set of wicker furniture by fucking it into the ground, and I’m happy to say it holds up. Soldier has an incredible body, and Justice is gorgeous in his own right.

In a few odd ways the scene is exactly like a recent Republican presidential candidates debate: it gets heated quickly, they keep switching positions, and everyone just ignores Santorum.

Off topic: if Ron Paul were to change his name to Win Soldier I think he could win the nomination.

The final scene of the movie is by far the best. Pairing aging gay pornstar Junior, with his short-cropped military haircut and a half-finished tattoo, with fresh face David Sweet, this scene finally fills the frame with passion. Junior’s hands press deep into Sweet’s tight thighs, and he loves it. Both seem equally enamoured with the other’s body.

They kiss, lick and eventually suck each other, before Junior finally takes his cue and tops Sweet’s sweet ass. Junior doesn’t seem rushed as he slowly fills Sweet with the holiday spirit, and Sweet seems to appreciate it.

Happy New Year to all my friends in Vancouver and to porn enthusiasts everywhere.