Blogs & Columns
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One Million Psycho Moms vs gay superheroes

I love these crazy bitches. Every time I think of One Million Forty Thousand Moms, I think of this racist character in The Help. Yes, I read that shit. Funny story: I dated the author Kathryn Stockett’s college boyfriend in New York. He was so cute and Southern.

If you haven’t read the book, it’s set in Mississippi in the 1960s, and there’s this one character named Hilly who is a stuck-up bigot and wants all the black housekeepers to use outhouse bathrooms. I’m sure in truth One “Million” Moms are a bunch of obese and naive churchgoing bores, but in my mind I like to imagine them as an army of a million thousand Bree Van de Camps. 

I haven’t been following all the gay comics news, but I hear congratulations are in order to X-Men’s Northstar, who recently got hitched!

Now DC Comics has revealed that one of its historic superheroes will be coming out as gay in June, and gay nerds everywhere are creaming in their Spiderman boxers.

Of course, this made our beloved psychos twitch worse than when a guest at their home doesn’t use a coaster. Here’s what the, uh, activists? had to say on their website:

"Parents may have been able to avoid a new character since it would not be one many children have grown to admire. Who will they choose; Batman, Superman, Flash, Green Lantern, Plastic Man, or another one of their characters that children look up to? Children desire to be just like superheroes. Children mimic superhero actions and even dress up in costumes to resemble these characters as much as possible. Can you imagine little boys saying, “I want a boyfriend or husband like X-Men? This is ridiculous! Why do adult gay men need comic superheroes as role models? They don’t but do want to indoctrate [sic] impressionable young minds by placing these characters on pedestals in a positive light. These companies are heavily influencing our youth by using children’s superheroes to desensitize and brainwash them in thinking that a gay lifestyle choice is normal and desirable."

They then urged their members to email DC and Marvel to object to homosexual superhero characters. 

These moms need to wake up and be real parents. Parents who aren’t afraid to sensibly explain the realities of life to their children. Parents who want their kids to be open-minded, to have questions and a diverse outlook on life. 

It isn’t all about oppression and fear mongering, ladies.