Toronto Diary
1 min

Only a fruitcake wouldn’t love this advertisement!

Back in an Econ 101 class, one of my teachers taught us that if you're going to advertise to men, you have to do it one of two ways: use sex — doy — or dangle the possibility of emasculation over their heads. I mean sure, you could just make a quality product with competitive pricing, but having Megan Fox point at a guy's junk and laugh derisively works just as well.

So when Chick-fil-A (yeah, these assholes again) decided to try and find a clever way to sell their new party trays, guess what road they travelled? I'll give you a hint: it's this one.

What the what? Look, if you're going to use gay panic to try to trick insecure straight men into buying your product, the least you can do is be subtle about it. Just to help them out, I decided to go all Mad Men and churn out a couple ad lines they could use next time:

  • "Only a fudgepacker wouldn't love our chicken sandwich!"
  • "Are you a butt pirate? No? Then you'll love our tender strips!"
  • "The fuck you looking at? It better be our two piece and a biscuit. Yeah, that's what I thought."
  • "If you're a nosy busybody who blames irrelevant, out-of-context Bible passages for your own narrow-minded bigotry, then stuff this fucking fried shit down your face-pit to distract yourself from the terrifying unknown abyss that is your finite mortality!"
  • "GOD HATES FAGS. Two-for-one chicken nuggets at Chick-fil-A!"

(H/T Towleroad)

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