Arts & Entertainment
2 min

Ordering in?

Toronto's new sex-toy delivery service has a tantalizing menu

"Hello, I'd like to order one 10-inch Classic Jelly Dong for rush delivery!" Credit: Thinkstock

We’ve all been there. It’s past midnight, and sleep is nowhere in sight. You know that you should just roll over, count sheep or grab a good book, but there it is again: that cursed appetite that nags at you, driving away any hope of peaceful slumber. It’s so easy, isn’t it . . . to go to the computer and call up that online menu, perusing the mouthwatering choices, trying to decide which would satiate your desperate hunger. You decide, you click, you order and wait for the guaranteed one-hour delivery of a succulent, juicy, decadent . . . dildo.

 
That’s right, boys and girls (and my lovely in-betweeners): one-hour sex-toy delivery has come to the GTA, and it’s taking off like wildfire.
 
“I’ve been sitting on this idea for 20 years,” says Roberto Piazza, who started the business a year ago with his friend Bruno Pistilli. “It just seemed like such a perfect idea.”
 
Piazza struck on his naughty notion while on a business call at a shop that sells lingerie and related sundries. “I walked in and the whole time we were there, nobody stayed and shopped. Anyone who came in just looked too embarrassed. Right there I thought, Somebody should just deliver this.”
 
The two had already dipped their toes into the sex-toy business with ads in a few catalogues and on Craigslist, but they decided to go full-time after being laid off from Bell Canada. Now, they offer more than 300 items on their website, delivered with a smile in a plain-wrapped package. The priority is to make their customers comfortable with the company’s privacy policy — so strictly reinforced that even the delivery person doesn’t know what’s in the package.
 
“We take the orders online or by telephone, package them up, and then send them out,” Piazza says. “If I’m delivering, then Bruno packages it and I don’t even see it. It’s important to respect people like that.”
 
Even their website is a hands-off affair when it comes to online shoppers. There are no passwords or accounts to be created — you just click, order and either pay with your credit card or at the door when your product is delivered.
 
As one might expect, those in the sex-toy delivery business have had their share of zany antics. Piazza, a happily married man, swears he doesn’t linger at customers’ homes in case they need any demonstrations or (ahem) help with their purchases, but he and Pistilli have plenty of adventures just trying to establish their brand and build alliances with other businesses. They even have an online reality show featuring a slew of guests.
 
One episode features a visit to the Oasis Aqualounge, where Piazzo tries to convince the luscious owner, Toni (whom I interviewed a few months ago), to get onboard with his idea of a nude variety show. It’s funny, it’s sexy and it goes a long way to showing that sensual pleasure is a natural part of life.
 
Business is hopping and the duo now offers a huge selection of lingerie, wigs, heels, Fleshlights and vibrators destined for some lucky lady or lad. There are adorable little gift baskets — actually, vintage-looking suitcases filled with your choice of products. And for the really ambitious, there’s always the option of throwing your own sex-toy party, à la Tupperware.
 
“When you set up a pleasure party, you get to keep 10 percent of the overall sales,” Piazzo says. “Plus, at the end of the party you actually leave with what you’ve ordered, instead of having to wait a few weeks, like Tupperware.” 
 
For details and ordering information, visit hotme.ca.