opinion
3 min

Orgy date night at Lab.oratory

Or, how to be left alone during group sex

“The building was once an old power station, but it was transformed into something that resembled a horny gay guy’s fever dream . . . ”

Credit: Luiz Penze

There was a small line forming in front of the Berghain complex, with hipsters and punks waiting to get into the main club. Ernan and I walked down the dirt path past the crowd and to the side of the building — it was the entrance to the Lab.oratory, the most infamous gay sex club in Berlin. I’d been to the Lab years before, but it was when I was vanilla, I guess you could say, and so I was more of an observer. Ernan had been before as well  — he hadn’t done anything either. We were planning to change that.

Ernan was visiting for a few days and we thought it’d be fun to predrink at Friday Fuck, Lab’s two-for-one drink night, then head up to the Panorama Bar after, which was the dance club above the Berghain — date night, German style. Friday Fuck is known as being the most tourist-friendly event the club offers, since there is no dress code or fetish theme. On regular nights, they host watersports, fisting, mask, farm, rubber and scat parties, as well as something they call “the after-scat-dirthole-piss-fuck.” This happens the day after the scat event, and I’ve heard it’s a clean-up sex party for those that enjoy day-old feces. So, yeah; Fridays are tame and touristy.   

Once we paid cover, we were assigned our numbers for the evening: I was 319 and Ernan was 320. After checking our shirts and jackets, they wrote these numbers on our shoulders with a Sharpie. These would be used for monetary transactions throughout the night, and you settle up at the very end. Ernan later commented on how efficient he thought this system actually was — he was my practical man.

The main bar was surrounded by guys drinking and chatting just like any other bar. We grabbed some beers and slipped deeper into the club through halls and corridors, presumably where the locals hang out. The building was once an old power station, but it was transformed into something that resembled a horny gay guy’s fever dream: erotic and hallucinogenic, an orgy of flesh and limbs, with techno music drowning out any other sound. It was heaving with people, and it was hard to move through the halls without having your body stretched and rubbed.

After we finished our drinks I went to the bathroom to pee while Ernan waited outside. Problem was, each urinal had a guy sitting on the floor next to it, head level to the bowl and waiting to be pissed on. I suffer from urinal shyness, so having a stranger staring at my crotch while I pee is impossible. Frankly, occupying every urinal just seemed rude.

“That was quick,” Ernan said when I came out. 

“Go take a look inside.” He walked in and right back out, laughing. He was no stranger to my pee shyness. 

“Come, there’s another bathroom over there,” he said, taking my hand and leading me to a quieter bathroom.

We found a dark spot afterward, not far from the main bar. I clutched Ernan from behind, lightly rubbing his chest, and resting my chin on his shoulder. We watched a young kid in a ball cap being gangbanged by some guys. He was no more than 25 and was obviously tweaking. I’m not even sure he was aware of who it was that was fucking him. There was one guy that wore a condom, but the others didn’t. Two of his friends stayed by his side, nursing and encouraging him whenever he was being fucked too hard.

Ernan and I didn’t say anything to one another. We just watched and sipped our beers. 

Later, we wandered up to the mezzanine at the back of the club where a series of orgies were forming. There must’ve been at least 30 men up there intertwined in one another. We found a spot in the corner and watched the crowd for a moment, both becoming soaked in sweat by the heat coming off of them. I found the pheromones intoxicating. I was rubbing Ernan’s chest again, and finally moved down to his waist. I undid his belt and slipped his pants down to his thighs. He got right into it, grabbing my head aggressively and forcing me to the ground. He’d never been like that with me before, but I liked it. We were engulfed by the orgy.

We both came at the exact same time, but nobody else participated — it was just him and me, a blow-job oasis. There something strangely romantic about it all. I felt closer to him.

We wiped up, paid up and went upstairs to the Panorama Bar for some dancing.