Thursday, April 27
Long division brings back nightmares from school; let’s see if Pi Theatre’s version affects me in the same way. Long Division revolves around seven characters at a downtown bar on a complicated anniversary, including a high school math teacher, a soccer-loving Imam, a lesbian bar owner, an aspiring actress, and a single mother working in the corporate world. Through excursions into number theory, geometry, and logic, the players struggle to delineate their evocative, elusive patterns of entanglement, but find that one emotional variable consistently remains unsolved.
8pm. Annex Theatre, 823 Seymour St. Tickets at the door $30. Saturday and Sunday matinees at 2pm for $25. Show runs until Sunday Apr 30. whatsonqueerbc.com/event/long-division/
Spin: Grindr Party
I know you “just go on to look at the pictures.” Really? Now when you see the real thing, you can at least have a drink and move on. This party may be thrown by Grindr but it’s really all about the spin at this new weekly night in the village. New weekly “celebrity” guests from the community join the party as they get their chance to spin their own DJ set, or maybe even pour it up behind the bar. Join for swag giveaways and meet the founder and CEO of Grindr, Joe Simkhai. I bet you all thought it was Del Stamp, but he’s just the top user. Come down and let us see who is celebrity enough to be in the DJ booth.
10pm–2am. XYYVR, 1216 Bute St. No cover. facebook.com/xyvancouver/
Friday, April 28
Real Men Real Makeup
Now here is a night I can really get into watching, I love seeing guys squirming as their spot gets closer and closer. A well-timed drink for courage will do wonders for your own private late night showing. Ten average guys dress in drag and put it all on the line for charity. Join in the fun and debauchery by cheering them on out of their comfort zones. Watch the heels get higher and the dance moves dirtier as the guys battle it out to win money for a cause close to their hearts.
Hot Bitch Bingo
Surrey drag queens are a wild and crazy bunch, and if they get hold of you, especially in a pack, my advice is to just submit. Tonight the hot bitches and bingo will all be found in a bowling alley, where more than just the holes on the bowling balls will be fingered.
7:30–11pm. Dell Lanes & Lounge, 10576 King George Blvd, Surrey. Free event, but with a 50/50 draw for Surrey Pride. facebook.com/events/178399326001559/.
Robin Hood: Prince Of Tease
Do not mistake this for Robyn Graves, she is much older and that babe gives nothing to the poor. This is a gender swapping, burlesque style musical inspired by the tale of Robin Hood, complete with a tantalizing twist. Robin conspires with her merry (wo)men to take down the tyrannical Prince Joan and her sadistic sidekick, the Sheriff of Nottingham. Robin Hood: Prince of Tease combines circus, the art of burlesque and the storytelling traditions of musical theatre to create an auditory and visual feast. It is a hysterical, over the top and sensual spectacular that will leave the audience on their knees—OK, well that’s more like Robyn Graves—begging for more.
8pm. Performance Works, 1218 Cartwright St. Tickets $29 general, $25 student and senior. More info at facebook.com/events/217861288673509/. Show runs until Saturday, May 13.
Deluxe Edition TGIF: Debut Night
I have to admit, the poster for this event showing Katy Perry in braces brought back bad memories of high school — a fumbling blowjob, braces, my genitals and a lot of blood. Tonight, however, is all about fun and frivolity. DJs Dyco Rake and Skylar Love take to the decks playing the latest and greatest pop/house remixes. There will be pop star themed drink specials, contests and much more. The first 20 people in the door get a TGIF! scratch card for the grand door prize, free drink tickets, or — get ready for it — free coat check!
9pm–3am. XYYVR, 1216 Bute St. Before 11pm cover $5, after $10. facebook.com/deluxeeditionyvr
Man Up: Home Alone
This is always a fun night, especially if you take friends who won’t believe the performers are in drag. There’s a first time for everything, and this month Ponyboy will be MIA from Man Up. The rabble-rousing drag family is taking matters into their own mischievous hands while Ponyboy is gone, with a no-holds-barred gender fun-fest that even a party dad would surely shiver at. Hosted by Karmella Barr and Johnny B Bad, the plethora of performances will leave you breathless.
9pm–2am. The Cobalt, 917 Main St. Cover $8 before 10pm, $15 after. Pay-what-you-can admission is available. Send an email to get on the list: firstname.lastname@example.org. Info at facebook.com/events/2120675351492056/
Sissy Boy: Glam Babes
So many manly sounding events to go to this week, right? You may have noticed that it was quiet in the village for a while, but Carlotta Gurl is back from her whirlwind European trip with pictures, stories and probably every European STI (they just sound classier in Italian.) Join the Gurl along with Mina Mercury, Mandy Kamp, and the saint of the immaculate dick safari, DJ Del Stamp. Sissy Boy is a throwback to one of the most successful events at the Odyssey from years ago, brought back to life at the new Odyssey by some of the gurlz who started it; yes they have been around that long.
9pm–3am. The Odyssey, 686 West Hastings St. Cover $5. facebook.com/events/1640016206027083/
Saturday, April 29
Queer Jive Lessons
I tend to stay away from Jive, and yes I have a story about it as well. A few drinks in at a ballroom dance event, I tossed my date so hard they took off across the room like a dreidel. Anyone want to be my partner for more lessons; I seem to be free? Not So Strictly Ballroom brings you beginner jive classes to bring out the Ginger Rogers in you. A four week series begins tonight, so see you there.
10–11am. Commercial Drive Legion, 2205 Commercial Dr. Cost $15 drop in. facebook.com/events/803783036436118/
The girls are back in town and throwing an LGBTQIA dance party, so it’s time to get too sexy for your shirt. The ’90s best, catchiest, and most obnoxious are back. It’s the home of music that doesn’t take itself too seriously — your secret guilty pleasures and sing-along wonders. No one can hear if you sing like a canary or squawk like a crow, as long as you’re on the dance floor.
10pm–3am. The Odyssey, 686 West Hastings St. Tickets $12 at flygirlproductions.com.
The only crowns I ever see are the ones that also have a mouth attached to my dick. Ever wonder what it would be like to be a queen — a real one, Conni, settle down. Monarch is a new monthly event during the 46th reign that will feature everything royal. Sounds by music royalty, a special Monarch shooter, and crowns all over the room so you can get your selfie on — royally. Feature performances by Empress 46 Jane Smoker as well as princesses Kendall Gender and Gia Metric and will be hosted by the boys, Emperor 46 Tommy D and princes Clayton and Sean.
10pm–3am. XYYVR, 1216 Bute St. Cover starts at $5 with partial proceeds going to DMS charities. facebook.com/xyvancouver/.
Divine: Drag Disco Party
I have a friend, Art, who pulls off an amazing Divine in drag, though most of the twinks at the bar are too young to know who that is. It entertains us old dogs, though. Tonight launches a new Studio 54 vintage drag and disco party that will transport you into a time warp of opulence, hedonism and whimsy from the ’70s and ’80s. The headmistress of throwbacks — and throwing a few back — Shanda Leer, will host alongside Jef Leppard and Trevor Risk, plus majestic drag hostesses Cinnamon Winters and Poison Apple. Get your furs and your skin tight pants ready because this is a truly transformative party.
10:30pm–2am. Fox Cabaret, 2321 Main St. $12 at door. facebook.com/events/761281647364812/.
Sunday, April 30
A new monthly peer support group is available the last Sunday of each month exclusively for queer South Asian youth between 16 and 30 years of age, in a safe space to find support, share stories and meet new friends. The group will be led by youth for youth, with facilitators screened by Sher Vancouver. Sher helps to inform, educate, and bring about more acceptance and cross-cultural understanding surrounding LGBTQ issues including bullying, racism, and homophobia.
Sunday Beer Bash
When I grew up in New Westminster there were no gay bars, clubs or gay restaurants around. We lived with the dirty ads in the Georgia Straight, Xtra West and whatever guy tried to pick you up on the street—which happened a lot with all the straight married men in town. It’s nice to see New West branching out with Pride events, bathhouse ads, and now even a Sunday afternoon beer bash. Always handy to have one around the corner from the only bathhouse in town. Win-win situation for me, so let’s have some out-of-town debauchery.
2–7pm. Judge Begbie’s Tavern, 609 Columbia St, New Westminster. facebook.com/events/1865322003730995/.
Sanctuary & The Shequel
Alma is off this week. She’ll be back next week, but you know you’ll need two to fill her boots, Jane Smokr and Gia Metric, both stars of Bratpack. (I was going to say fill her panties, but I think we’d be another two short.) Start off with the amazing Sanctuary, where all sinners can repent and receive cum-munion. Then take that newly waxed butt over to Shequel where the fun continues.
10pm–3am. 1181, 1181 Davie St & XYYVR, 1216 Bute St. Both events no cover. facebook.com/events/980437802092294/
Monday, May 1
Looking For Good Head
I can guarantee that any guy reading this page found this headline in the first half-second. Every guy is looking for good head, but not every guy can give it. Here is the class for you to blow more than your lover’s mind. Join for a fun evening of erotic techniques and products that will enable you and your partner to enjoy a heightened level of excitement and pleasure. Watch a few DVD clips of some famous blowjob artists at work and learn some new moves that your mother never told you about. And yes, for those of you curious about where I got my skills, it was at a workshop very similar to this. I can see the line forming already.
7:30pm. The Art of Loving, 369 West Broadway St. Class $35 and please register in advance at artofloving.ca/.
Wednesday, May 3
Cool, Calm And Collected in New Westminster
As if being gay wasn’t enough to cause you to have sleepless nights, suburb life may lend to anxiety as well. In a world full of dating apps, hooking-up, stigma and shame, gay guys have plenty to worry about. For some, anxiety is a sense of apprehension or fear that can lead to repetitive and intrusive thoughts, and difficulty making decisions. For others, it’s an overwhelming sense of panic brought on by many sources of stress. In this four-week experience, you will explore what anxiety means and unpack how to manage it, and take care of yourself and your loved ones. These workshops are open, so participants are welcome to attend any, or all, sessions.