Thursday, Dec 15
The last time I tried to get classy to go to a party someone — who shall remain nameless and is still blocked on Facebook — drank too much wine and the result wasn’t pleasant for the dance floor or me. Tonight I may give it another whirl —but solo — as Qmunity invites LGBT seniors to enjoy live music, a paparazzi photo booth, hors d’oeuvres, bubbly and punch. So glam up or dress casual as a stylist will be on hand with fascinators, long gloves, feathers, curlers and bowties for those looking to get dolled up at the event. If you’re lucky, there may even be a senior drag idol greeting you at the door.
4–6:30pm. Haro Park Centre Penthouse, 1233 Haro St. Free event but please RSVP at eventbrite.ca or 604-684-5307 ext 110. whatsonqueerbc.com/event/holigays-hollywood-holiday-soiree/
For those who’ve experienced the fun of getting butt-sniffed, leg-humped and drooled over — the general play of the amazing pups when they’re at Pumpjack — now you can do all that and get lost with a pup in a maze. Van-Pah is asking pups, handlers and those who love them to join in as they go for walkies at the Christmas light maze.
7pm. Enchant Christmas, 1st Ave and Crowe St. Tickets at gate $19.95. Meet inside the gates and look for Pup Bowen. enchantchristmas.com/
If a bar with a shower night says tonight is its Christmas shower show, there’d better be mistletoe hanging off of every wet, naked navel — or there’ll be trouble. See the sexiest muscle boys around as they strip down, soap up and hopefully spray away.
9pm–3am. The Odyssey, 686 W Hastings St. Cover $5. facebook.com/events/1344187658945358/
Friday, Dec 16
Eastside Flea Holiday Market
It’s not that I’m cheap but I’m sure we all find ourselves in a situation where a quasi-friend, neighbour, trick or ex presents us with a gift. This market is your solution for amazing deals on everything you can think of. There are more than 50 vendors and food trucks, a DJ, and yes — for the gay crowd — there are drink specials and cocktails because we just can’t shop without a drink aloft. Market runs until Sunday.
11am–5pm. Eastside Flea, 1024 Main St. Admission $3 or $5 for weekend pass. facebook.com/events/213501479063040/
Youth Winter Cabaret
Storytelling, poetry, songs, dancing and a short film from Out in Schools. Come hang out in a cozy gallery space, eat delicious food, drink hot cocoa, take a photo in the holiday booth, and enjoy an exciting lineup of performances. This event is for youth ages 14–25 and is a drug/alcohol-free space.
6–9pm. Gallery Gachet, 88 E Cordova St. Free event. whatsonqueerbc.com/event/youth-winter-cabaret/
The Great Big Give
A Loving Spoonful hosts another of its great fundraisers. Come on down and partake of the tasty Fountainhead eats without having to wait in a lineup in the rain. Get yourself up and out early or drop in before work. There’s no excuse as the event runs from the early hours to mid-morning. If you can’t make breakfast, there’re food and drink specials all day long.
6–10am. Fountainhead Pub, 1025 Davie St. alovingspoonful.org/
It may be mid-December but there’s still time to learn a few dance steps to impress the boss at the company party, or if you’re like me, just down some Jack Daniels and you’ll feel like you’re dancing like a star. Pick your pleasure: country, two-step, do-si-do, or hog tie. Take the free dance class at 8pm.
7pm. Pumpjack Pub, 1167 Davie St. No cover. pumpjackpub.com/
The Junction is going to be lit up like a Christmas tree — actually, that’s usually Byron. The bar will be decorated to the hilt, just in time for tonight’s monthly drag show. Reigning Empress (45) Sienna Blaze is back to host this show that benefits the Dogwood Monarchist Society of the International Court System. It’s an open show so if you want to dazzle with a number, show up by 10:30pm.
9:30pm–3am. The Junction, 1138 Davie St. Cover $5. facebook.com/events/129083014241617/
Now I don’t consider it stalking if you just look at somebody’s pictures online, or in a magazine, or spread naked in a book . . . is it getting hot in here? Village hottie Strongjaws, aka Dan Bevan — but tonight he’s Santajaws — teams up with Berlin to gather all the naughty boys and girls together for some photo time on Santa’s lap. Dress to impress with your ugliest Christmas sweater, or as your sluttiest Christmas character. Just be careful on Santa’s lap. That’s not a jumbo candy cane in his pants.
10pm–3am. XYYVR, 1216 Bute St. facebook.com/events/1781584855437079/
Saturday, Dec 17
23rd Annual Women’s Winter Faire
Another great gift spot where more than 50 booths of creative, funky, beautiful, ecologically-sound presents await a hoard of loyal shoppers every year. For 19 years, the door donation has topped more than $100,000, distributed to local and worldwide grassroots organizations that often have less than adequate funding resources. Check them out.
11am–5pm. Heritage Hall, 3102 Main St. Entrance by donation. Resumes same time Sunday. facebook.com/events/369004450101864/
Queer As Funk
Some of the city’s hottest musicians perform in an explosive, high-energy dance band for their last show of the year. With a repertoire that ranges from beloved funk, soul and Motown classics of the ’60s and ’70s — Aretha Franklin, Otis Redding, Stevie Wonder — to contemporary favourites like Justin Timberlake, Bruno Mars and the late Amy Winehouse, Queer as Funk is the sharpest-attired band in town. No contest.
7–10pm. XYYVR, 1216 Bute St. Cover $20. facebook.com/events/329185144109672/
Santa’s Naughty List
Vancouver Men in Leather want you to kink up your holiday season. Stuff a stocking or get stuffed yourself. This will be the last VML play party of 2016 and fetish gear of any kind is highly encouraged. Go out with a bang.
8–11pm. Steamworks Baths Vancouver, 123 W Pender St. Weekend rates start at $17. vancouvermeninleather.ca/event/naughty-reindeer-games/
Bears Night Out
There’re a few ways you can tell you’ve been to one of PJ’s awesome Bears Night Out parties. One: for two days after, you’re still finding stray hairs — and they’re not your own — in weird places on your body. Two: it’s now Tuesday and you’re still face down in Del Stamp’s sling. Three: that’s not a new bear-skin rug on the floor. Here’s your chance to experience it for yourself.
9pm–late. Pumpjack Pub, 1167 Davie St. $5 cover after 9pm. pumpjackpub.com/
Naughty Or Nice
I’m seriously going to need an intervention after this holiday season, and I still have a couple of weeks to go. Vancouver Art and Leisure brings you the best of techno and house by some of Vancouver’s finest selectors for its 2016 Christmas bash. On tap are free candy canes and cookies, Christmas lights, and four DJs spinning the night away. Santa hats are encouraged.
11pm–late. Vancouver Art & Leisure, 1965 Main St. Cover $10 until 1am, $15 after. facebook.com/events/1162618137156485/
Sunday, Dec 18
Wagonburners 2017: Two-Spirit Convention
Join Legacy Chief 39, Twilight Niis Miou and his Legacy Princess 39, Shelley Volante, as they gather their community for a holiday special — a Christmas feast with all the fixings. A drag show with the finest of two-spirit entertainers, plus special guest spots, is part of the evening’s offerings. Greater Vancouver Native Cultural Society is proud to offer a safe space to celebrate Christmas with those who can’t be home with family.
6–11pm. The Penthouse, 1019 Seymour St. Admission $15 includes dinner and show. facebook.com/events/116909832126306/
Monday, Dec 19
At first glance, I thought this said Mormondays and was very excited to write about my first visit to a Mormon gay event. Alas, that’s not going to happen. This is a monthly show featuring a number of people telling personal stories and sharing life lessons. Some are funny, some are thought-provoking, and all are motivational. Get out of your routine and come meet some new, friendly people. And if Ryan Steele is up on stage reliving his sexual escapades, grab a beer, sit back and have a good laugh.
Wednesday, Dec 21
A lot of bear meat has been hanging around this week. No wonder the twinks are all afraid. These guys look hungry. Just watch out for the hair everywhere, and if you see anyone with a slightly stained teddy bear, just clench.
3–9pm. Steamworks Baths, 123 W Pender St. Weekday rates $15. steamworksbaths.com/event/bear-hump-38/?instance_id=321303
Mpowerment discussion nights are a space where young gay, bi, and queer guys can come together and learn about themselves, each other, and our community. All guys who like guys, and their friends, are welcome to attend. Tonight is a review of lessons learned, connections made, and the memes shared. Say goodbye to 2016 together. Snacks provided.
6:30–9pm. Mpowerment Headquarters, 205-568 Seymour St. Free event.vancouver.gaycities.com/events/753659-2016-in-review