Thursday, Dec 22
Even though we all look forward to the holiday season — the food, the booze and of course sex with tourists — there are some people for whom this is a constant struggle. If you are in need of a support system to help you through these times, please call or check out qmunity.ca. Support groups happen at multiple times every day.
12–1pm. Qmunity, 1170 Bute St. 604-684-5307 ext 100.
I love attending a fundraising group’s first event, because if it’s a huge success then years later I can brag about having been there when it all began. This Vancouver Food Bank event looks promising, has a catchy name, and will be housed in a venue which will be transformed into a winter wonderland. Shanda Lear hosts the evening that will feature performances by some of the city’s best and brightest elves.
8pm–1am. The Fox Cabaret, 2321 Main St. Tickets $8 advance at eventbrite.com or $12 at the door. If you bring a non-perishable donation, you’ll get half off the $12 admission.
Christmas Shower Power
You know you should be out doing that last-minute shopping but you need some inspiration. This is the place for watching smooth, muscular, younger looking, college-type men jumping into a shower, lathering up and doing it all just for you — well, you and the other 100 horny guys standing behind you.
9pm–3am. The Odyssey, 686 W Hastings St. Cover $5. facebook.com/events/1799403033631165/
Friday, Dec 23
Vancouver Christmas Market
Whether you are looking for that last knick-knack for your granny, or craving a big, juicy German sausage, this stop is your last chance before the big day. With the number of single men I saw cruising here on Monday, nobody should be sleeping alone this Christmas weekend. Whatever you need in the way of decorations, presents, treats, desserts — and of course, German beer— is all at your fingertips.
11am–9pm. Jack Poole Plaza, 1055 Canada Place. Tickets $8-$25 per person at vancouverchristmasmarket.com or at the gate. Closed Christmas Day. Runs until Saturday, Dec 31.
Yoga With HIM
I was told if I started doing yoga now I won’t have to worry about chunking out because of all the goodies at Christmas dinner. Come by tonight and get involved with a great, easygoing group open to all levels of experience. Please bring your own towel and yoga mat.
7–8:15pm. Scotiabank Dance Centre, 677 Davie St. Entrance by $5-$10 donation. Call for more info at 604-488-1001. checkhimout.ca/ai1ec_event/yoga-with-him/?instance_id=24476
Divas: Christmas Edition
If I hear one more drag queen sing “Jingle Bells” with both her hands shoved into a muff, I’ll scream. And yes, by muff I mean a lesbian in the front row. You laugh, but I can totally see Sienna Blaze doing that, which is why she puts on such an amazing performance. Tonight Adam Zapple and Katy Hairy join Sienna. Yes, you were at Katy’s goodbye party a week ago, but she’s already made a few return visits. DJ Drew plays the hits all night long.
9:30pm–3am. The Junction, 1138 Davie St. Cover $5 at door.
Wet & Wild
After a long day of carrying big packages, it’s nice to be in the local watering hole and have one shoved in my face by hot muscle bears showering at eye-level. Just pretend the glass case isn’t there. This is one of the busiest Friday night spots complete with booze, hot dancers, naked men, sexy bartenders and a DJ to die for. Nick Bertossi spins the best music in town, pants down. Merry Christmas to me.
10pm. Pumpjack Pub, 1167 Davie St. Cover free before 9pm, $5 after. pumpjackpub.com
Saturday, Dec 24
Bears, The Baths And Beyond
So many guys are out shopping for that special Christmas outfit these days, but hit the right parties and all you need is a pair of underwear , or a towel — and a pretty face. Most of the time you’re not even going to see the face. Tonight a towel will do, but dropping it is better. There’s a gym, DJ, dancing, food, hunky men and an entire building where you can have action anywhere you want. Look for me; I’ll be the Santa with the biggest bag.
1–6pm. Steamworks Baths, 123 W Pender St. Weekend rates start at $16.
Two names words sum it up: Carlotta and Joan-E. They’re teaming up with Dust and Summer Clearance, so get the tips, shots and beer ready because this night is going to be a show-stopper. Afterwards, dance until the wee hours with DJ Mike Bermudez.
9pm. The Junction, 1138 Davie St. Cover $5.
I’m thinking this will be a sea of red long johns, men in red and white jockstraps, and maybe a Santa lap or two to sit on. It’s Christmas Eve, so get in the spirit, lose those inhibitions and drop your gear. Since it’s the holidays, take a nice package home with you — and unwrap it a few times.
9pm. Pumpjack Pub, 1167 Davie St. Cover $5. pumpjackpub.com
Sunday, Dec 25
Drinking With The Elves
Well, not really elves, but tiny Santas dressed up for your enjoyment. Trust me, they’re hot as hell under those suits, so maybe after a few good tips Santa will drop a few items. Usually, there’s nowhere to go Christmas day but for those of us who need our afternoon cocktail fix, this place will be open to hang out and shoot pool. If you’re lucky, Robyn Graves might even be on deck — or maybe that’s unlucky. Just kidding, Robyn.
2pm–late. Pumpjack Pub, 1167 Davie St. No cover. pumpjackpub.com
Seems sacrilegious to have a Christmas Day fall on a Sunday and not go somewhere to pray. I’m sure the guys here will be full of praise as they take part in the weekly worship of man-meat. Come on in and drop to your knees — or stand and show off the goods.
4–8pm. Steamworks Baths, 123 West Pender St. Rates start at $13.
Monday, Dec 26
Leave it to the women to have a party on Boxing Day. Hey, it’s a long weekend and we’d be lost without our Flygirl Party. You’ve indulged in all the eating, the gifting, and ugly-sweater-making. It’s time to cozy up with a cutie and have some fun with your chosen (dance) family. Leave your inhibitions and labels at the door and join in.
10pm–2am. Bar None, 1222 Hamilton St. Tickets $15 online and at Little Sister’s, 1238 Davie St. flygirlproductions.com
Tuesday, Dec 27
I thought something was up with the old gal because I haven’t seen her name plastered all over every event in town, but Peach Cobblah is here. Tuesday nights have never been as full of regret as Peach brings you a night of drag, perverse games, and true shame-spiral stories. Get ready for a big hangover tomorrow as she’s in cahoots with Mandy Kamp and Carlotta Gurl. I’m calling in sick now.
10pm. 1181, 1181 Davie St. No cover. facebook.com/1181Lounge/?fref=ts