(What are you doing for New Year’s Eve this year? Tom has 10 suggestions to help you ring in the new year with style.)
Thursday, Dec 24
A Very Lohan Holigay Special
I’m not sure what a Lindsay Lohan party would look like. Does everyone come looking haggard, dressed for court and then have a meltdown? Whichever look you choose, I’m sure your bases will be covered as you enjoy a double-feature movie night with Mean Girls and Freaky Friday. Orphans unite, grab some popcorn, have a cheap drink and enjoy. 7pm. The Odyssey, 686 W Hastings St. Cover by donation with all proceeds going to A Loving Spoonful. More info here on Facebook.
Friday, Dec 25
Christmas at the Pumpjack Pub
It’s Christmas Day and this bar never lets you down. Whether you need some liquid courage to meet the relatives or some consolation after seeing them, PJ is open for you today. Not only that, they have procured the horniest DJ in town to help ease your Christmas blues or turkey hangover. DJ Del Stamp will be out in all his glory just waiting for his package to be unwrapped. 1pm til late. Pumpjack Pub, 1167 Davie St. pumpjackpub.com
Saturday, Dec 26
Pump Boxing Day
For me, a Boxing Day open house is synonymous with blackout. I have been to many of them but can’t remember a single one. If it weren’t for the decades-old picture of me wearing a Santa beard and nothing else while trying to drink a flaming Sambuca shooter (yes, it went horribly wrong), I would deny ever having attended. I will be here tonight, and no, let’s not reenact that memory. Enjoy go-go dancers, DJ Quest and all the men you can pump. 9pm. Pumpjack Pub, 1167 Davie St. $5 cover; no cover if dressed in leather, rubber or fetish. pumpjackpub.com
Dinner is over, the presents are unwrapped, the cats are fed, and it’s time to party. DJ Bette Forde is back to team up with Riki Rocket to make the dance floor as sweaty as possible. Flygirl says this will be one of its top women’s parties of the year. Everyone is welcome. 10pm–3am. Red Room Ultra Bar, 398 Richards St. Tickets $15 at flygirlproductions.com.
Spank5: Electro Sexual Adventure
Those three little words cause me so much tingling in my boy bits that I could get divorced. Spank, electro and sexual, this party has it all: kink playroom, fetish drag, kinky outfits, five or more rooms of naughty nooks to explore (with me), a night of sweat, fun, pleasure and pain. LGBT, straight, and everything in between are all welcome. This party will destroy your inhibitions, feet, hearts and minds, in all the best ways possible. 10pm. Vancouver Art & Leisure, 1965 Main St. Tickets $20 at ticketzone.com. More info on Facebook.
Sunday, Dec 27
Sunday night partying is not so good when you get up at 4am the next morning for work. But honestly this night is so much fun it’s worth it! Some of the best drag and eye candy in town will be here, along with the amazing DJ Sollors topping off the crew. Don’t worry about what time it closes, you will still be there holding me up (especially since I’m now off for the holidays!). 9pm. 1181, 1181 Davie St. No cover. More info here on Facebook.
Monday, Dec 28
After all the family, friends, fights, breakups, food, fat and hangovers you need a break. Get that new big belly jiggling with laughter at a show that continues to fill the house. No two weeks are ever the same and a personal word of advice, wear Depends because you are going to be laughing so hard a little bit will come out. 8–9:30pm. XYYVR, 1216 Bute St. No cover. More info on Facebook.
Tuesday, Dec 29
No, this is not a new night at 8×6, though I know a few people who would love it. What would a holiday season be without The Nutcracker ballet? I remember my mom dragging me yelling and screaming to this as a child. I thought it was another lie, like how good mashed turnips taste. Fool me once… But the show was entertaining and I would recommend that everyone see it at least once. This production boasts over $1 million dollars in sets and costumes. Everything from Cossack soldiers to Russian princesses, along with music from the Vancouver Symphony Orchestra, it promises to bring back memories of Christmases past. Show runs until Thursday, Dec 31. 7:30–9:30pm. Queen Elizabeth Theatre, 649 Cambie St. Tickets $26-101 at ticketmaster.ca. balletbc.com
Thursday, Dec 31
One of the hottest venues for New Year’s Eve is not what you might expect. Steamworks bathhouse has one of the busiest nights of the year this night and you don’t have to blow your budget for a ticket. With DJ Zarfan, dancing, a midnight toast and more hot men than three gay bars, how can you not be there? Plus, if you get lucky, your room is just yards away. Start your year off with a bang. You never know, I may be there. I’ll be the one with the party horn stuck in my hoop. 11pm on. Steamworks Baths, 123 W Pender St. Regular rates apply starting at $16. steamworksbaths.com
Before I get accused of being racist this is a leather NYE party, no emails please. The best leather bar in town brings you Back In Black with go-go men, DJ Quest and all the leather daddies you can submit to. Get out your best leather, fetish or formal rubber attire and look for someone to pounce on at midnight. 9pm–4am. Pumpjack Pub, 1167 Davie St. Cover $15, no advance tickets. pumpjackpub.com
Sin City Fetish NYE
This is the crème de la crème of fetish parties. This party will bring parts of you alive that you never knew you had, and many will touch those same parts. Don’t know what your fetish is? This is the place to find out just what turns your crank, with dance cages packed with people showing their wares, a full adult play dungeon, suspension and kink play area, bondage furniture, drag, burlesque and aerial performance. Give in to sin. Strict dress code. 9pm–3am. Hindenburg, 23 W Cordova St. Tickets $25 at ticketzone.com. Info and dress code here on Facebook.
Hustla is back along with the never demure Peach Cobblah as host, with DJs Jef Leppard and Dom Top. Be prepared for the sweatiest, grindiest, bawdiest night of the year. If that wasn’t enough, Jane Smoker and Shanda Leer round out the mix. Start ringing in the New Year across Canada at 7:30pm with Peach. 7pm–4am. XYYVR, 1216 Bute St. Tickets $27 at eventbrite.ca. Info here on Facebook.
I like VAL parties because there’s so much space I can lose whichever guy is bothering me the most and hopefully bump into another one. I have yet to bump into Matt Troy in one of those dark, hidden spots, though. Maybe he’s hiding from me . . . With multiple rooms, 650 square metres of party space, Berlin hosting, audio, visual and performance art, and six international renowned DJs, Troy promises to celebrate NYE with style. 9pm. Vancouver Art & Leisure, 1965 Main St. Tickets $25 at residentadvisor.net. More info on Facebook.
Cocky Disco NYE
This promises to be the sexiest party of the night, as 1181 changes its layout to create an intimate disco party. Forget the flash and over-the-top attitudes of some places and enjoy New Year’s Eve the way it should be: romantic, sexy and erotic. With two of the sexiest DJs in town, Dreaddy and Sollors, providing the vibe, how can you go wrong? Count down the year with the best staff in town. 10pm–4am. 1181, 1181 Davie St. Tickets $10 at eventbrite.com. More info here on Facebook.
NYE Sleepless In Vancouver
Velvet Steele is one of the hottest babes in Vancouver and your hostess for the evening. Velvet is going to show you how to take your pleasure seriously. There are plenty of play spaces, male/female glory holes, front and centre mattresses, and intimate cuddle and after-care sessions. Enjoy yourself and have fun in a safe environment. 9pm. Club 8×6, 1775 Haro St. Tickets $30 and info at plurproductions.ca.
NYE Glam Ball
It’s time to forget any controversy and enjoy the holiday season. Tonight the red carpet will roll out for Glam Ball and, since it happens to fall on a Thursday, there will also be naked men in the shower. Sequins, confetti, lights and hot naked men make a perfect New Year’s Eve, with a champagne toast and tunes from DJ Colby B. 9pm–4am. The Odyssey, 686 W Hastings St. Tickets $25 at ticketzone.com. More info on Facebook.
Celebrities Playhouse NYE
Playhouse resident DJs, Timeline, Yurie and Mattilda Ho, are set to ring in the New Year with great hits, sexy dancers, a countdown on the LED wall, a balloon drop and champagne at midnight. 9pm–4am. Celebrities, 1022 Davie St. Tickets $40 at celebritiesnightclub.com.
Narcotics Anonymous is once again hosting its own New Year’s Eve party. Three dance floors with everything from the oldies to hip hop, including a live music stage. This party is for everyone, young and old, to celebrate recovery with friends in a fun, safe environment. 8pm–1am. Roundhouse Community Centre, 181 Roundhouse Mews. Tickets $16-27 on Facebook.
Friday, Jan 1
Backdoor New Year’s Day
Just what I need: a recovery party 12 hours after I finish my New Year’s Eve night of debauchery. Nobody will be touching my backdoor after that kind of night! This is a queer warehouse party where anything goes and everyone is welcome to participate or watch in a body-positive, gender-positive safe space. 9pm. Vancouver Art & Leisure, 1965 Main St. Tickets $20–30 on sale online at noon Christmas Eve at residentadvisor.net or on Facebook.
Vers Fridays: After Glow Party
I can’t get enough of DJ Sollors, and I like his music too! Sollors is back tonight for Vers Fridays and this week’s theme is Glow in the Dark — shoes, clothes, underwear or skin. Dance the night away under a state of the art black light system. There will also be free glow sticks and glow ware, so nobody will be left out. Plus, nobody ever looks hung over under black light. 9pm–3am. The Odyssey, 686 W Hastings St. Cover TBA. More info on Facebook.
Polar Bear Swim
I was told doing this swim would start my year off with a whole new perspective. What it really did was start my year off with testicles the size of pickled onions! But try it and see for yourself. Strip down to your bathing suit, take a few steps over the ice covering the ground, and hurl your body into ice-cold water. Just be thankful it’s not snowing this year. This year, I’ll be the dry one holding a nice fluffy towel for the first wet muscle bear I see. Registration 12:30pm, swim 2:30pm. English Bay, 1700 Beach Ave. Free. vancouver.ca