Thursday, Dec 8
Finally, a puppet show I can attend without either bringing a child as an escort or feeling like a dirty old man. This show has puppet nudity and laughter-inducing vulgarity — right up my alley. Leave the little ones at home and enjoy yourself as Sesame Street-esque puppets rub shoulders with humans. Probably the best time you’ll have with a puppet unless you’re into agalmatophilia (see, I’m not just a pretty face).
7:30pm. Granville Island Stage, 1585 Johnston St. Runs Monday to Saturday, with a matinee at 2pm Saturday, until Dec 31. Info and tickets ($29–59) at artsclub.com/tickets/
Friday, Dec 9
Homo For The Holidays
Believe it or not, this just what my Uncle Walter would say at Christmas dinner with my family. Imagine my surprise when I saw a show identically named. And who’s the star? None other than Peach Cobblah, who does look amazingly like my Uncle Walter. Also, Isolde N Barron, the pretty one. Intrepid Theatre brings you a queer-themed holiday cabaret, a unique night of performance, camp, cocktails and frivolity. Naughty, nice, or nicely naughty, they want you there. Worth a night over in Victoria, without a doubt.
8–10pm. Metro Studio Theatre, 1411 Quadra St, Victoria. Info and tickets ($20) at facebook.com/events/738538636284278/
The Rising Phoenix Show
It sounds like a show that brings old entertainers back to life, but don’t be fooled. This show features some of the best drag talent and performers our city has to offer, featuring the current title holders of Mr, Miss and Ms Gay Vancouver.
9:30pm. The Junction, 1138 Davie St. Cover $5. facebook.com/events/1799526286955221/
Saturday, Dec 10
DAME: Diversity, Arts, Music & Entertainment
As my father would always say, “Ain’t nothin’ like a dame.” God, I wish he had lived long enough to meet Joan-E and Carlotta; now that would have shut him up. DAME, however, is the launch of a training program in event production roles. Learn about DJ tools and mixing, or come jam during Open Dex time. Training is provided by local DJs, event producers and all-round community folk, including queer/trans/cis women, femmes, BIPOC (black, indigenous, people of colour), non-binary, gender-queer, gender-fluid, agender, trans and friends. Email firstname.lastname@example.org to register for workshops.
1:30–9pm. Diversity, 343 Railway St. Workshops 2–5pm, Open Dex 5–7pm, Guest and host DJ Workshops $8, Open Dex $5. facebook.com/events/332255480466453/
Diorama Annual Fundraiser
Now I really know the season has started, since tonight is the 27th annual Janine Fuller-Stines Diorama Party. Dioramas are put together and then formed into a Diorama Christmas tree. You have no idea what scenes people can fit into those boxes! From funny to slutty, you will see it all. Afterwards, you will have the chance to bid on the box of your choice (only the dioramas, that is) for the fundraiser. Get there early and inspect each one because you never know if someone has placed a miniature version of you spread-eagled in a scene.
6–10pm. Celebrities, 1022 Davie St. Proceeds support Atira Women’s Resource Centre. Entrance by donation. facebook.com/events/176199469502028/
Jackie Beat: Ghost Of Christmas Trash
TFD presents the world’s most legendary comedy queen, Jackie Beat, in her critically acclaimed Christmas show. With years of performance under her Santa belt, and thousands of YouTube views for her hilarious parodies, Jackie has been a fan favourite for decades. Check out her videos and get your ticket before it’s too late. These tickets make a great early Christmas present, so take a few close friends who don’t mind seeing you laugh till you cry.
We all need a good pump at Christmas (or is that hump? I’m not picky). Vancouver Men in Leather team up with Pumpjack for a night that is always full of men, leather, hard-ons, muscles, and hopefully very big hands. Speaking of hard-ons, the king of the DJ (or is that BJ) booth Del Stamp is in the house. If you get too sweaty there is always a shower you can get in on!
9pm-late. Pumpjack Pub, 1167 Davie St. Cover $5 after 9pm. pumpjackpub.com
Bashment On The Balcony
Sounds more like a Saturday night with my ex, but this event by Prancehall and Love brings you a variety of Caribbean sounds and dancehall of all types. Their aim is to create a safe space for all Dancehall fans. Try something different for a change and spice it up Caribbean style.
10pm–2am. The Projection Room, 2321 Main St. Cover TBA. facebook.com/events/1883180935247526/
I could probably lend the ladies a few things to wear for this tacky winter sweater, toque and leggings party, so just give me a shout. It’s time for hot cocoa and kissing under the mistletoe, which I’m sure will be hung with care. Flygirl always does it right, and Christmas is no exception. Plus, this is in one of the classiest bars on the street. If you go to a Flygirl party and don’t have fun, you are secretly a man and I have other events for you.
10pm-3am. Playhouse Nightclub, 1240 Thurlow St. Tickets $10 at Little Sister’s, 1238 Davie St or online at flygirlproductions.com.
Sunday, Dec 11
CoCo’s 16th Annual Holiday Fundraiser Show
Does this queen ever age? Or did CoCo start the show at nine years old? No, I didn’t think so either. Must be Maybelline. Join Ms Clause as she and other performers bring you the Christmas show of the year, with over $2,500 in prizes. Feel free to re-gift to me if you win. Proceeds from the always-packed house go to A Loving Spoonful, Vancouver Food Bank and Out In Schools.
8pm is when the show usually gets underway, but get there early or stand out on the street and try to see in — it fills up fast. Bring canned food for the food bank for entrance. Fountainhead Pub, 1025 Davie St. facebook.com/TheFountainheadPub/
Monday, Dec 12
QueerProv – Who’s Your Daddy
I should be in this, since I’m a pro at being queer and a daddy. But, per my dear friend Sydney Malcolm, I’m not always funny. Good thing I’m better at pool. In conjunction with the release of Rogue One: A Star Wars Story, QueerProv brings you a Star Wars-themed show of galactic proportions. I think they blow up the Death Star or Conni Smudge, I couldn’t be sure; I just saw a muumuu fly by.
8–9:30pm. XYYVR, 1216 Bute St. No cover. facebook.com/events/1723786277936916/
Wednesday, Dec 14
Tig Notaro is a stand-up comedian, storyteller and writer originally from Mississippi. Her memoir, I’m Just a Person, is a New York Times bestseller. In 2013, Tig was nominated for a Grammy Award for her stand-up release, LIVE, which talks about her diagnosis with invasive breast cancer. Tonight, you can hear her story and meet the woman herself.
Steamworks Edition Bingo For Life
Steamworks and Bingo For Life join together to bring you the biggest bingo night yet. And, best of all, Steamworks will be matching dollar-for-dollar the money raised for Vancouver Friends For Life. Alma B Itches and Coco Klein will be the queens in attendance and DJ Gingerbear will be the queen on the decks. A little bird told me the queens, DJ and Steamworks boys will be running around in towels to set the mood and pick up any donation that falls on the floor (hint, hint). Whatever towel Alma uses, please grab it for me. I need a new one.
8pm. Celebrities, 1022 Davie St. Entrance by donation (suggested $10) also covers nine rounds of bingo. facebook.com/events/534834416716112/