Thursday, Feb 11
Come watch Joe Pretty get soaking wet. (Facebook/Odyssey Nightclub)
For those of you who like their men super buff, clean and smooth, I say: wtf? But to each their own, and really, who am I to judge? I don’t think my last few gentlemen even knew what a razor or a bar of soap were. But hey, dick is dick, and tonight you will see some of the best, featuring Joe Pretty. Come early to get a good spot, and no, you cannot press your face up against the glass.
11:30pm. The Odyssey Nightclub, 686 W Hastings St. Cover $5. www.facebook.com/TheOdysseyBar
Friday, Feb 12
Sexy and Sacred Queer Yin-timacy
I have had dates that have been scary, and dates that have been sexy, but never have I had a date that has been sacred. Am I missing out on this sacred thing by being a heathen? I guess tonight I will have to find out at this sacred and super fun date night for all conscious queers looking to connect with their significant other. Partner meditation, yummy massage, partner yoga and bonding exercises are all a part of the evening.
This event marks the beginning of the end of an era. DJ Adam Dreaddy created this house music-inspired night for people to dance like nobody was watching. Hosted by Hunter Knows with DJs Lando, Patrick Kelly and Nathan Mots, this will be a night going out with style and class. Adam Dreaddy has begun his final round of shows before packing up and moving to Montreal on April 1. So many hearts will be broken, and all of those boys just heading into their first year of university will miss out on papa Dreaddy. But I hear he has to get to Montreal before all those high school grads get out for the summer. He will be missed, but I will have all his final shows listed so you don’t miss out.
10pm–2am. XYYVR, 1216 Bute St. Tickets $20 at Stratosphere, 1259 Granville St. www.facebook.com/events/1655085154712082/
Tucking must hurt, unless you are hung like Conni — ooops, I meant a hamster. Tonight, you can mingle with a whole gaggle of queens all in one spot. It sounds dangerous, but as long as you keep your guard up and your back to the wall, you’ll leave with your dignity and underwear intact. Tuck Entertainment introduces you to the Tuck Girls, Vancouver’s finest drag performers. Learn the secrets to doing drag, hear about upcoming shows and maybe get a number or two. Come for the girls, stay for the laughs.
Saturday, Feb 13
I’ve heard it called “joy juice” or “jizz,” but I like Cupid cream — it sounds so much classier. . It also sounds like a night Del Stamp would be covered in, but no, it is that sweet little thing Raye Sunshine that is getting all hot and creamy for Valentine’s Day. DJ Drew and host Raye Sunshine are putting on a spectacular show, as well as a sexy butt contest and a kissing contest. I’m afraid that after a few cocktails I am going to get those two mixed up and get thrown out for french kissing a sexy butt. Single or not, this will be fun, dirty and delicious night — all the things Valentine’s Day should be.
9pm. The Odyssey Nightclub, 686 W Hastings St. Cover $10 before midnight. Guest list and info at www.facebook.com/TheOdysseyBar
NSSB Valentine Dance: Valen-Tango
Not so Strictly Ballroom. My attempts at ballroom dancing are more like left foot, right foot, stomp on your toes, repeat. If there is partnered dancing and you find yourself paired with me, run for the hills. I am only good when I can flail around on my own. But these people are great: not only do they provide the dance lessons, they make you look like Paula Abdul on the dancefloor. Tonight celebrate with Vancouver’s only LGBT ballroom and Latin dance party. Free tango lesson at 8:45pm, and no partner is required.
8pm–11:30pm. Let’s Dance Studio, 927 Granville St. Tickets are on a sliding scale — pay what you can within the $12-15 range. http://nssbvalentango.brownpapertickets.com
There’s something about that Matt Troy. His venues are so big that I can never find the hottie, but I’m going to find him this time. This is Vancouver Art and Leisure’s signature Valentine’s affair. Hosted by the ever lustful Berlin, there are two rooms of sound, seven DJs, games of spin the bottle and seven minutes in heaven (I only need three), a kissing booth, special candy treats and the candy-gram room.
10pm. Vancouver Art and Leisure, 1965 Main St. $15. Info and DJ list at www.facebook.com/events/965493023525758/
Sin City Fetish Valentine
Some colours don’t look good on a guy my age and size. Pink is definitely one of those colours. So, with an event centred around Valentine’s fetish wear, I’ll be adopting more of a look but don’t wear kind of attitude. Pink, red and white will be colours of the night in spandex, lace, leather, heels, garters, jocks, anything fetish . . . I think you get the idea. This is one of the most popular fetish nights of the year and will not disappoint. DJs face off in two rooms, Pandemonium vs Evilyn13, and Kasey Riot vs R-Lex. Hosted by Sly Foxxx.
9pm. The Hindenburg, 23 W Cordova St. Tickets $18 at door with Facebook RSVP or $20 otherwise. Info and dress code at http://sincityfetishnight.com
Sunday, Feb 14
Sanctuary Sunday Valentine
Now this is the kind of church I can get into for Valentine’s Day; all they need is Jenn Mickey dressed as Mother Superior giving the kneeling gay boys their communion vodka, or better yet, holy water shots off Riley’s abs. Sign me up! Alma B Itches returns for tonight along with Cinn Winters and Poisona Pple for a Sad-Valentine’s show also featuring Auna Nees and Lexus Lynn Starr.
Doors 6pm. Drag Show at 11pm. DJ 10pm–3am. 1181, 1181 Davie St. No Cover. www.facebook.com/events/1648062578746150/
Lord & Lady Valentine Competition
I have always wanted a title of some sort and now is my chance. With my luck I will get Lady Valentine. But a title is a title, so just bow when you see me (forward or over, I am not picky). The Rhinestone Phoenix Charity Foundation is holding a fundraiser to bestow these two fun bar titles. Winners of the titles have no official standing but may participate and assist at RPCF functions. Door prizes, draws and entertainment round out the evening.
8pm. The Junction, 1138 Davie St. Cover $3 donation to benefit RPCF charities. www.facebook.com/events/749510678516896/
Monday, Feb 15
THUD: The Big Girl Show
Since the place didn’t collapse and Ryan Steele was the smallest twink in the place, the newest body positive night is back with a THUD. Big boys, chubby chasers, thick girls, bears, otters and slim Jims join for a drag celebration of all shapes and sizes — but especially the big, juicy ones. Come down and see if your milkshakes bring the boys to the yard. Hosted by Peach Cobblah and Anna Propriette, featuring some big girls doing big girl songs. Special guests Karmella Bar and Owen round out the festivities. BYOB — Bring Your Own Burgers.
Doors 10pm. XYYVR, 1216 Bute St. Cover $5 at the door. www.facebook.com/events/175384452827002/
Tuesday, Feb 16
Unmask: Trending Now Syph Ed
I have never had an STI, not a one. Not that I’m an angel — more guys have gone down on me than gophers on a whack-a-mole. But these days especially, you need to be protected, careful and informed. This event is an interactive workshop for learning facts about syphilis. Mpowerment events are planned by and for young, self-identified men who are gay, bi or queer. They invite all guys who like guys and their friends to attend.
6:30pm. Youthco, 568 Seymour St. Mpowerment Headquarters. No charge. http://vancouver.gaycities.com/events/597440-unmask-trending-now-syph-ed
Wednesday, Feb 17
BC Home & Garden Show
How many of us have watched HGTV secretly wanting to get nailed by Bryan Baeumler, or wanted landscape designer Carson Arthur bent over in our garden, hopefully shirtless and in short shorts? I know I am not the only gay in the village. And I will see all of your faces right there with me at the Home & Garden Show where both of these hunks, among others, are speaking. Besides drooling at all the home renovation studs wandering throughout the show you may even learn a thing or two. I hear there is a seminar about hardening caulk; I’ll hold some seats.
Runs until Feb 14, various times. BC Place Stadium, 777 Pacific Blvd. Tickets $13 in advance or $16 at the door. Check www.bchomeandgardenshow.com for schedule and details.