(Between performing at the Vancouver Sketch Comedy Festival on Jan 16 and his birthday bash at XY on Jan 17, Ryan Steele, left, with comedic partner Amy Goodmurphy, is going to have a very hectic weekend. Happy birthday, Ryan!/ryanandamyshow.com)
Thursday, Jan 14
I feel old: I thought this was a reunion of Ally Sheedy, Molly Ringwald and Judd Nelson. I can still hear “Don’t You Forget about Me,” and no, I am not talking about Pitch Perfect, you obscenely young readers. Tonight a different notorious girl gang invades Davie Street as Valynne Vile, Shanda Leer, Jane Smoker, Jem, Gia Metric (and a big shot of testosterone in the form of DJ Nick Bertossi) bring you “hilarious bitchy banter, wild and crafty performances [and] fashionable looks” — and from the DJ booth hot eye candy, err, I mean music. Showtime 11pm. The Junction, 1138 Davie St. Cover $5. More info here on Facebook.
Vancouver Sketch Comedy Festival
I used to love the Carol Burnett Show for its old-fashioned sketch comedy, that and I think I may have pleasured myself under the blankets watching Lyle Waggoner. (Google him. He was hot a million years ago.) Now you can experience the hilarity and precision of sketch comedy as it’s meant to be, as the Vancouver Sketch Comedy Festival returns for a third year. Featuring local favourites Morgan Brayton, Amy Goodmurphy and this week’s man of the hour (see Jan 17’s listings) Ryan Steele performing Saturday night at 9:30pm. For full schedule, tickets ($13–22) and performers, go to vancouversketchfest.com. Shows nightly 7:30 and 9:30pm until Saturday, Jan 16. Waterfront Theatre, 1412 Cartwright St and Studio 1398, 1398 Cartwright St, Granville Island.
Friday, Jan 15
Wet & Wild
Whatever the opposite of Viagra is I better get some before this show or I will seriously blow loads till I drop, and trust me, lying face down, ass up in Pumpjack is not the way I want to be remembered. Vancouver’s quintessential tattooed bottom and the hunkiest muscle DJ in town pair up with Pumpjack and Steamworks to bring you the hottest new night in the village. Forget Whistler Pride, the hardest poles are going to be here. The Shower Shows, strippers, go-go men, giveaways from Steamworks, Del Stamp and Nick Bertossi — enough said. Miss this and I can finally say, “Told you so.” 10pm–3am. Pumpjack Pub, 1167 Davie St. Cover $5. More info on Facebook.
Your Sketch Is Showing
People listen to me and now sketch is catching. The third Friday of every month is now Sketch Night hosted by Amy Lucille and Jamie Mcniven from The Amy Wilding Show, with Josh Rimer and a rotating cast of characters showcasing existing sketches along with new ones from audience suggestions. The perfect way to end your work week. 8–10pm. XYYVR, 1216 Bute St. No cover. More info here on Facebook.
PCAN Naked Heaven
I’ve got the balls to go to this event (and I love to show them off) but I’ve got a little too much packaging around them from the holidays to strut around naked. But don’t let that stop you. What more fun can you have than so many hot men all partying, dancing and playing in the buff? This is a party for men of all (legal) ages and body types to socialize in the nude. And I know some of you are wondering: so keep your money in your socks unless your cheeks are so tight they will hold your wallet and loose change, and then you’re on your own, my friend. 8pm–2am. Club 8×6, 1775 Haro St. Members $10, guests $15. p-can.org/events/
Saturday, Jan 16
Madhaus: Black Light Ball
A party where even I will look good! Sin City brings you a black light party and encourages everyone to wear black and white — anything from black leather to a white wedding gown, or just wrap your parts with white electrical tape. Hosted by DJs Pandemonium and Evilyn 13. 9pm–3am. The Hindenburg, 23 W Cordova. $6 before 10pm, $9 after. More info here on Facebook.
Fade To Black: Final NOIR Fetish Ball
After this weekend, I’m going to have to consider writing my listings from a treatment facility — I can feel the hangover already. But how can I say no to this? It’s the final Noir Fetish Ball! The night that brought you the Front & Centre Dungeon and changed the fetish scene in Vancouver is coming to an end. But that end will go out with a blast. Come dance, celebrate and play in the dungeon, the suspension station and experience the Fire Play. 9pm–3am. Club 8×6, 1775 Haro St. $16 before 10pm, 20 after. More info on Facebook.
Not So Strictly Ballroom Dance Party
On a bet I once went to one of these dances so I could learn to tango, but it wasn’t for me. I might believe I float like Fred Astaire (after I’ve had a few cocktails), but people tell me otherwise. But tonight is your chance to learn to shake it up or break out your ballroom moves at Vancouver’s only LGBT ballroom and Latin dance party. Free dance lesson at 8:45pm: learn the nightclub two-step and impress your friends. 8pm. Let’s Dance Studio, 927 Granville St. Tickets on sliding scale $12–15. notsostrictlyballroom.ca
Sunday, Jan 17
Ryan Steele Birthday Party Of Horniness
It’s Ryan Steele’s birthday bash and everyone is invited. I think the title of the party is misleading as the old gal is a little past the age of horniness, or so Jenn Mickey has told me. But she has a soft spot for the Steele and has arranged an afternoon party-rocking rave (remember those days, Ryan?). DJ Dom top will be spinning, Jane Smoker, Bradley Barkman and even the famous Moms Over Miami will join the show at 6pm. I hear mega-hunks Rob Goddard and Dan Bevan will be walking around naked for photo ops and, miracle of miracles, Ryan might even get lucky at his own soiree. 4–8pm. XYYVR, 1216 Bute St. No cover. More info here on Facebook.
Caliente Night’s Telenovelas
As if this town doesn’t have enough drama between drag queens and club battles, now there is Telenovelas. Caliente Nights brings you Latin diva Casha Only, along with Della Devine, Tamara Catz and Mili for a mashup of telenovelas theme songs and skits. Come be a part of la fiesta where everyone is welcome. 10pm–3am. The Junction, 1138 Davie St. No cover before 10pm, $5 after. More info on Facebook.
Monday, Jan 18
Thud: The Big Gurl Show
Big boys, chubby chasers, thick girls, bears, otters and everyone in between — it’s a drag celebration of all shapes and sizes, but especially the big juicy ones. Peach Cobblah and Anna Propriette bring you big girls doing big girl songs, a body-positive monthly night that invites you to BYOF (Bring Your Own Fries). 10pm. XYYVR, 1216 Bute St. Cover $5. More info here on Facebook.
Tuesday, Jan 19
Unmask: Check Me Out
I came across this group a couple of weeks ago and discovered a great resource for young people trying to find out who they are. If you know someone who is introverted or struggling to come outm please pass this info to them. Mpowerment events are planned by and for young men who are gay, bi or queer. They invite all guys who like guys and their friends to attend. This week you will be checking out that one hottie we all know: our self. Get more familiar with STIs, their risks and impacts. Plus learn about ways to reduce your risk of getting infected. Unmask is a chance to be yourself and have honest conversations about sex, relationships, coming out, our community and more. 6:30–9pm. Mpowerment, 568 Seymour St. More info on gaycities.com.
Wednesday, Jan 20
After dating a drag queen years ago, I learned two things: it’s a hell of a lot of work to look that way, and run because that bitch be crazy! But these girls seem to have it all mastered, and flawlessly at that. This DMS monthly fundraiser features Empress XLIV Babette Co-Taylor, Prince Triton, Princess Ivana Phoque, guests and hostess Alma B Itches to bring you a night of 50/50 and door prizes and performances that will blow you away. 11:30pm. The Junction, 1138 Davie St. Cover $3 which goes directly to DMS charities. More info here on Facebook.