Thursday, Jan 26
Lesbians Who Tech
Geeks whom I know — and respect immensely as they fix my computers — are always asking me to take them along on nights on the town so they can meet people. But are they really going to enjoy a bear in a shower, or naked men dancing around a bathhouse? Of course not. They’d be hooking up the TVs to surround sound. Here is a night for queer women in tech — geeky or otherwise — that has been meeting in 35 cities for almost 5 years.
6-8pm. Kingstone Taphouse, 755 Richards St. Suggested donation $15 at eventbrite.com.
Vancity Street: BOI Culture
BOI Culture has a single mission: “A soul doesn’t have a gender, masculinity doesn’t belong to ‘men’ and femininity doesn’t belong to ‘women’.” I may have to crash the show to see what I’m missing. A night of fashion that features street-style vendors, local acts and runway sets from a variety of local shops and designers. DJ Skylar Love spins the tunes.
8-11pm. MIA, 350 Water St. Free admission with RSVP from bit.ly/2iGebJH.
Bratpack Season 3
I am a creature of habit, or so I’ve been told. There are nights where I go to events and couldn’t tell you one thing that actually went on because I was too focused on the bartender, the DJ, the go-go man —or if it’s a good night, all three. This is one of those nights. Trust me, check out the DJ. The trashy party girls you’ve watched through seasons one and two are back and have blossomed into full-grown women (still trashy, thank god) and are as entertaining and funny as ever. Jane Smokr, Jem, Gia Metric, Valynne Vile, Kendall Gender, Synthia Kiss and DJ Nick Bertossi are on the performance card.
11pm. The Junction, 1138 Davie St. Cover $6. facebook.com/bratpackvancouver/?fref=ts
Friday, Jan 27
Do Si Do
I’m not much of a country music dancing machine. If I twirled someone, they’d probably take off like one of those flying spinning tops and land on the pool table. But I love to watch the newbies and the experts mix it up. Come by and check out the line dancing lesson before the night really gets going so you don’t feel embarrassed about your moves.
8pm. Pumpjack Pub, 1167 Davie St. No cover. timberlinedance.org/
Man Up: Fallen Icons of 2016
I love Man Up parties but I try to remain sober and aware or I could get into an embarrassing situation as these are some of the most realistic kings you’ll see onstage. Tonight is a tribute to some of the greatest heroes of modern music and pop culture, from Prince to Natalie Cole and many more, with a special tribute to Aaliyah. Ponyboy hosts, and DJs T and She helm the playlist.
9pm-2am. The Cobalt, 917 Main St. Cover $8 before 10pm, $15 after. facebook.com/events/216541235420511
Eye Roll: Another F@&*#ing 90s Party
I thought I was going to get away without listing Peach Cobblah, but not a chance. I mention that woman so many times I should be married to her instead of my husband. Do you miss flip phones, frosted tips, fanny packs, sparkle eye shadow, nude lips, unisex everything and Kate Moss ads? Then tonight is for you. You’ll be transported back in time to the 1990s, and there may even be a streaker or two. Peach Cobblah, Valynne Vile and the hottest staff in town are on tap.
10pm-2am. XYYVR, 1216 Bute St. Cover $10. facebook.com/events/1850945381790213/
Saturday, Jan 28
Mistresses Of Illusion
It wasn’t that I was too cheap to go to Whistler for a week of sex, snow and debauchery. My husband would probably shoot me for going for a week. And anyway, without his support, how could I phone in sick every day of Pride ski week. The next best thing is to go to Chilliwack and have a night out with the secret group of drag queens coming from Vancouver to do a show at the only gay spot in the area. I’m sure it’s just as easy to get lucky with a stranger there, and I can turn off the heat in the room, open all the windows and pretend it’s Whistler at one-tenth the price. Join me?
Revenge Of The Popinjay
This is a new one for me: an experimental rap-horror show where the star struggles to cope with the loss of his sister while uncovering a frightening link between himself, his boyfriend and an elusive gay rap star/serial killer who targets heterosexuals. I have to admit the promo pic of the guy in his underwear motivates me to check out the performance, part of the PuSh International Performing Arts Festival.
9pm. The Fox Cabaret, 2321 Main St. Tickets $22 at 604-449-6000 or ticketfly.com. More info at pushfestival.ca/shows/festival-2017/revenge-of-the-popinjay/
Dare To Bear
I am total voyeur and I love to see guys in underwear, jocks, harnesses — essentially, any event that doesn’t require pants. I like to think that Pumpjack gets me and all the nights of go-go men, shower bears, gear night — and of course the famous Underwear Night — are just for my benefit. Don’t be shy and try it sometime. There’s always somebody who wishes they had your body instead of theirs. Hell, you can have my body anytime, just book in advance.
9pm. Pumpjack Pub, 1167 Davie St. Cover $5 after 9pm. pumpjackpub.com
Snowball is an appropriate name for the closing party of a gay Pride weekend in the snow, although I will stay silent if ever asked if I have partaken. Judgements, you know. I think Whistler will be too cold for snowballing — the sexual version, that is — but this closing party will be off the hook. The Cube Guys and DJ Bret Law will hit the spot after you’ve snowboarded, swam, fallen in love more than a dozen times, and lusted a couple of dozen more. For those interested in checking it out, tickets are still available.
10pm-4am. Whistler Convention Centre, 4010 Whistler Way, Whistler. Tickets $98 at wanttickets.com.
Sunday, Jan 29
The Sleepy Girls Show
A new night in an old venue is always an adventure. Dust and Amy invite you into their bedroom where they do what girls do in their bedroom. I can hear the hum of the vibrator already. Come enjoy the nostalgia and experience being 16 again with them and their guests Kendall Gender and Jane Smokr. DJ Girl Fieri will throw down the tracks to keep your feet tapping. It’s also a restaurant, so if you get peckish, dinner is 8:30pm.
9:30pm-12am. Displace Hashery, 3293 West 4th Ave. Cover $10 at door. facebook.com/events/262354980850768/
Monday, Jan 30
B Roll: Sex And The City
I don’t even have to look at the listing or poster to know who will play Samantha. Carlotta Gurl will be your sexy tramp of the evening as B Roll presents Sex and the City. Hang onto your man and have some fun. Cosmos are the drink of the night and Jimmy Choo is the footwear to be seen in. Host Jane Smokr will keep everything in line.
9pm. The Penthouse Nightclub, 1019 Seymour St. Tickets $10-$15 at eventbrite.ca.
Del’s Extended Weekend
Between a full-time job, being in and out of town on DJ gigs, promotional work, cock inspector for Pumpjack, Junction and Steamworks and being as horny as a 16-year-old, of course he can start up a new weekly night. I want whatever keeps him going. Who am I referring to? Del Stamp, natch. Duh.
11pm-3am. The Junction, 1138 Davie St. No cover.
Tuesday, Jan 31
New year, new beginnings. The median age of the guys who show up for this group is 21 so I’m not sure they are the ones who could use the new beginning. Where’s the group for my new beginnings? Mpowerment discussion nights are a place where young, gay, bi, and queer guys can come together and learn about themselves, each other and our community. All guys who like guys and their friends are invited.
6:30-9pm. Mpowerment Headquarters, 205-568 Seymour St. Free event.
Strapping It On: Live
Whether you are straight or gay, every woman has a man in her life she’s wanted to bend over a table, plow into, and hear him scream for a change. Still, I admit I know a couple of guys who also use strap-ons for double penetration if there’s only one partner around. Redrobin leads this workshop and demo. Regardless of gender, sexual orientation or role, this kind of play can be pleasurable for everyone involved, and they’ll show you how with a female model and live demo. Best date night ever.
7:30pm. The Art Of Loving, 369 West Broadway. Cost $50. Please pre-register a day before as the group is popular. artofloving.ca/seminars/seminar-topics/strapping-it-live-demo