(All permits in place and systems are go at the newly reborn Odyssey nightclub on West Hastings Street. Owner Bijan Ahmadian (above) will kick off Pride weekend with the return of the hugely popular Shower Power, featuring porn star Brent Everett./Nathaniel Christopher photo)
Thursday, July 30
Odyssey Shower Power
As if a shower night at a club isn’t enough to get me thrown in the drunk tank — they throw in one of the hottest porn stars of my fantasies and expect me to just sit there! I may have to challenge Del Stamp’s Filth Pig title this Pride. Porn superstar Brent Everett will be live and wet in the shower to ensure the re-launch of this Odyssey favourite is everything you’ve come to expect. 9pm. The Odyssey, 686 West Hastings St. Tickets $25 at eventbrite.ca. More information at theodyssey.ca
Friday, July 31
Swallow Your Pride
Seems like most of the events I am selecting this week are like titles from the chapters of my life, except for one . . . But this event is different from the rest: it’s the only queer play party this Pride weekend brought to you by MVK and the Tardis House. Whether you’re a baby dyke or a well-worn leather man, curious kitten or devious Daddy, organizers say all queer kinky perverts are welcome. 8pm–1am. The WISE Hall, 1882 Adanac St. Tickets $20 advance at brownpapertickets.com and $25 at door. swallowyourpride.ca
Not many can say they have entered Matt Troy’s Backdoor . . . Actually, all I know is that I haven’t had the pleasure yet. But I aim to fix that this Pride. Hosted by Jane Smoker, Evita Versace and Gia Metric, I’m told this alternative gay/straight party is gaining momentum like a comet about to hit the earth. 10pm. Vancouver Art and Leisure, 1965 Main St, backdoor entrance. Tickets $20 advance at Stratosphere Hair Salon, 1259 Granville St or JD’s Barbershop, 235 Abbott St. $25 at door, $30 after midnight. More information on their Facebook page.
Sunday, Aug 2
This is a great party for those of you who are the complete opposite of me: Clean, Sober and Proud! Brought to you by the Last Door Recovery Centre, this party will be held for the first time in the heart of the Davie Village this year, in the Shoppers Drug Mart parking lot. How can you go wrong when your headliner is named Alaska Thunderfuck 5000? Plus local performers Crystal Clearly, Celestial Seasons, Cadence Winter Matthews, Alma Bitches and many more will entertain probably the smartest people on the street. After all, unlike the rest of us, they can party all night and go home with not only all their money but their dignity intact. After Pride can the rest of us say the same? Please note this is an alcohol-free and drug-free zone. 7pm. Shoppers Drug Mart, 1125 Davie St. Tickets $15 advance at eventbrite.ca or $20 at door. vancouverpride.ca
When this invite popped up on my Facebook feed from Riley Cox I immediately knew it was just for me, screw the other 5,000 recipients. I mean, have they all had the same fantasy of kneeling before Priest Cox for communion and a special treat dropped in their mouth? I think not. Plus the event is called Church — a sure sign from above that I must attend! Alas, it was not to be, but this is a party of biblical proportions with Future Funkified R&B, Electro House, DJs Airick X (Blowpony), Colby B (Seattle/New York) and our own G-Luve, along with a special performance for Chianti Darling (Portland). 10pm–2am. XYYVR, 1216 Bute St. Tickets $10 advance at eventbrite.com $12–15 at door. xyyvr.com
Monday, Aug 3
For those of you who know me, you know that this cruise is my Pride present to myself. I think I have been on every Recovery Cruise since its inception. Some of the early years I was the green one hanging over the side, before we even left the dock. Seasick, no. Hungover, most brutally. But since then I have learned and now I am only that inebriated when the ship docks and then I become Pumpjack’s problem. This is the pièce de résistance to end Pride. With DJs Del Stamp and Dom Top and performances by Jaylene Tyme and Iona Whip. Boarding starts at 3pm at Harbour Cruises at #501 Denman St, cruise 4–8pm. Tickets $60 at cruiseyt.com and Little Sister’s, 1238 Davie St.
Now let’s be honest. I personally know that by the end of this weekend I will have depleted 40 percent of the condoms (cough, cough, Magnums) that the Health Initiative for Men has packaged for Pride. Throw in all the rest of you deviants and 99 percent of their stock will be gone. Now is the time to give back and help cram, stuff and pack condoms and lube into tight little packages. I know most of you aren’t used to that but they will show you how. While you’re there, meet some new friends, maybe take a sample to try for later and have a delicious meal from one of the great restaurants in the Village. 6–9pm. Health Initiative for Men (HIM) office, 1033 Davie St. checkhimout.ca
Tuesday, Aug 4
Bard on the Beach
Not that I need it, but apparently a little culture after the Pride debauchery is always a good thing. Writing about it is about as close as I get. Don’t get me wrong, Shakespeare plays are amazing to see, or so I have been told. I just can never understand a word, but that’s just me. This year Bard celebrates its 26th season with four productions on alternating nights for you: The Comedy of Errors, King Lear, Love’s Labour Lost and Shakespeare’s Rebel, which run until Saturday, Sept 26 on the BMO Mainstage or Howard Family Stage, Vanier Park, 1695 Whyte Ave. Tickets $26–55. bardonthebeach.org
Wednesday, Aug 6
Men On The Water
I have always wanted to Dragon Boat but two things have held me back. First, I am as tall as a giant so two people would have to stay behind to fit my legs in, and second I won’t do it in the rain. They frown on that, so I am out. But here is your chance to be part of the Gay Men’s Dragon Boat Team. Practices will include warm up, technique training, drills and workouts. The team is open to all gay men and there is no prerequisite for age, athletic prowess or paddling ability. Dragon Boat racing is an inclusive sport, great fun and excellent exercise for everyone, they say. 7–9pm. False Creek. Free, or make a donation if you wish. For more information or to register, email David at email@example.com.