It’s June and Pride is only nine weeks away. What’s that thing bothering you in the back of your mind? It’s that you haven’t sent me your Pride listings or Pride pictures! Don’t wait another day. If you have anything associated with Pride, a party, AGM, march, dance, group or get together, send it along to me at firstname.lastname@example.org. Don’t be one of those people who remembers the day after your event!
Thursday, June 1
Clean as a Whistle
Thursdays are like Superman’s Bizarro world at the O. The men in the shower are shaved, waxed or plucked from chest to nethers, including the crevices and dangly bits, while the queen of the roost, Alma B Itches, has enough hair in her beard to keep a small village warm in winter. But it works! With Alma around you know there will always be surprises, and they will usually fit in a shower stall.
9pm–3am. The Odyssey, 686 W Hastings St. Cover $5. facebook.com/TheOdysseyBar
Spin with DJ Mental Metric
Summer is here and the best patio on Davie is open — and it’s high above the street to keep you safe and uninterrupted, if not sober. DJ Rafael Calvente is spinning in the back lounge and this week is joined by special guest DJ Gia Metric. Wake me up on the patio when it is time to go home.
11pm–3am. XYYVR, 1216 Bute St. No cover. facebook.com/xyvancouver
Friday, June 2
Scene Kid: Emo Dance Party
An EMO party brings back thoughts of the softcore punk of years past, unenthusiastic melodramatic 17 year olds who don’t smile, high pitched overwrought lyrics and inaudible guitar riffs, tight wool sweaters, tighter jeans, itchy scarves, ripped converse high tops, black square rimmed glasses, and ebony greasy unwashed hair. This time though, for me anyway, alcohol is going to play a big part of the night. Sad boy DJ Harris will be on deck for this black parade with Rose Butch, Dee Blew and Grimm waking us up inside with some sad performances. Motto for the night: Expect sins, not tragedies.
9pm–3am. The Odyssey, 686 W Hastings St. Cover $7. facebook.com/TheOdysseyBar
Wet & Wild
For those of you who like your men on the opposite side of the spectrum from the other shower nights in town, you’ve come to the right place. Big, hairy, muscle daddies who look like they’re going to jump out of the shower and ram you in one thrust: all before you put down your drink. Go-go bears and cubs with packages so big at eye level you’re lucky to leave with both eyes intact. With tattooed DJs and bartenders whose butts you can bounce a loonie off into the tip jar, this is a one stop shop with something for everyone. Especially me.
9pm–3am. Pumpjack Pub, 1167 Davie St. $5 cover. pumpjackpub.com
If you are only frisky on the first Friday of every month, chances are you’re married, so leave the spouse at home and get frisky with Sienna Blaze and Kendall Gender, the girls who never say no (to doing a drag number). DJ Miss M will hit the decks, the floor will be packed and your mojo will kick in. Maybe it will even stay a few days.
9:30pm. The Junction, 1138 Davie St. $5 cover. junctionpub.com/events/frisky-friday-2017-06-02/
Saturday, June 3
All guys should wear heels from time to time; you’ll finally be tall enough to kiss me. Plus your thighs get larger and your butt sticks out. Save on gym time and start strutting! What better way to start than with this fundraiser that lets you walk a mile in someone else’s shoes for a change? Strut is an annual walk-a-thon that raises funds to support sponsorship groups and charities that assist LGBT+ refugees and newcomers.
What’s almost as good as a stripper in heels? A Van-Pah puppy in heat. The temperature is supposed to climb this weekend, and it’s perfect mosh-time. Those pups will need belly rubs aplenty, and you know what heat and belly rubs bring you — a humping good time. Everyone is welcome from pets to handlers to the curious. Enjoy some time on the mats or get to know your fellows in the pets and handlers community. You’ll find pups romping around, playing with toys and having an all-around blast while handlers socialize and play with the pups and kitties and all the other pets. Always remember gear is admired but never required!
2–4pm. The Pumpjack Pub, 1167 Davie St. No cover. facebook.com/groups/vanpah/
Vancouver Rubbermen June Moon
If you are one of those guys who only gets laid in a blue moon, you’d better stop and reevaluate your habits, since the next blue moon isn’t until January, 2018. June moon will have to do, so get on your rubber and let’s get lucky. Have some fun rubbering up, getting in bondage gear and enjoying some other surprises. Come and talk about the direction of the club with Reid and the other regulars.
2–5pm. Pumpjack Pub, 1167 Davie St. No cover. facebook.com/events/1465246263550569/
The Drag Show
I have a soft spot for the quintessential drag queens who work nonstop for the community through rain, sleet, snow and heat: just like the mailman. Mailmen don’t have the same pitfalls, though, since heels just aren’t that safe in all weather. As for the heat, I have seen many a queen look like they are melting away. But it’s not all bad; sometimes the melting fills in the crevices like putty. That reminds me, how is Myria doing? Tonight, enjoy some time away in the burbs as Mz Adrien and guest divas bring you comedy and female impersonation like no others.
7pm–1am. The Stage, 32998- 1st Ave, Mission. Tickets $10 advance online or $15 at the door thestageinmission.ca
Ladies Summer Party in the Burbs
Don’t wait for another Hershe Bar to find your summer fling. Head out to the burbs where the ladies don’t know you, but want to, at this summer-themed women-only party. Get out your summer wear and flip flops. Come out and enjoy the evening with friends and dance the night away to the fantastic spinning of Wicked Wanda—I dare you to ask how she got her name.
FuKR Jock/Harness Dance Party
Why is it that when the heat comes out so does all the leather? I know it’s great to wear and to feel against the skin, but heat, sweat, leather and more than two guys and it gets kind of funky. You can’t really break out the spray bottle of leather “Smell Be Gone” and start spraying it around like a Febreze fairy, so maybe a few of those well placed pine tree hanging deodorizers will be the fix. Sex-toy shaped deodorizers? Cha-ching! Tonight is the perfect butch night to try it out. Music this month is by DJ Jeff Dority of Pure Noise from Seattle along with John “Bubba” Hanley in the shower for a win-win scenario.
10pm–3am. The Odyssey, 686 W Hastings St. Tickets $10 at eventbrite.com
Sunday, June 4
Queer ASL Bowling
Join in or volunteer at this night of bowling for the deaf queer community and Queer ASL students. Queer ASL is an anti-oppressive, trans and queer positive environment with a focus on creating an accessible, affordable, safer space for ASL learners.
6–8pm. Grandview Bowling, 2195 Commercial Dr. More info through the week at facebook.com/queerasl/
Cher & Friends
After 50 some years of Cher performing, what could any drag queen show us that would be new? How about if this version of Cher performs live? What if this Cher isn’t a drag queen at all but a baker and owner of Fairy cakes and Chomp Vegan Eatery? Find out who does it better at this fundraiser for the BC SPCA, complete with drag, comedy, a silent auction, live impersonations, and so much more. Hosted by the Whoopsie Daisy, featuring Cera Rivers live as Cher, and with many special guests. This is going to be the most fun you have all year.
7:30pm. The Junction, 1138 Davie St. Tickets $15 at door or $12 advance at Fairy Cakes, 3586 Fraser St. junctionpub.com/events/cher-friends/
Monday, June 5
Queer Prov Workshop
With so many comedy shows popping up around town, especially in the village, why not try your luck and see if you can be the next Ryan Steele? Learn the art at this drop-in workshop open to the community, facilitated by QueerProv performers and guest teachers to help heighten and expand your improv skills. This week’s workshop will be instructed by the wonderfully hilarious Jamie Chrest.
Tuesday, June 6
Coming Out and Outcomes
Everyone has a coming out story. Learn from others, take their lead and advice to make sure you get the outcome you desire. It’s a moment in time you will always remember so let’s make sure it’s a good memory. The topic this time is coming out, and how doing so or not doing so has affected your life. Share your thoughts at this discussion night. Snacks provided. Mpowerment events are planned by and for young men who are gay, bi, or queer. They invite all guys who like guys and their friends to attend.
6:30–9:30pm. Mpowerment Headquarters, 205–568 Seymour St. facebook.com/MpowermentYVR/
Cock And Ball Play: Live Demo
Picture it, your date has been great and you are about to have what you imagine will be the best sex ever. He reaches into your shorts and grabs Joe and the twins, and you feel nothing but pain as he fumbles and squeezes, mistakes your moans of agony for pleasure and goes at the family jewels again. If he’s cute you may take it. If he’s handsome you may take him to this workshop. In this live demonstration-based workshop, you’ll explore fun and sexy ways to tease, please, and play with cocks—and their buddies, the nards of doom! Toys, tools and techniques with hands — Oh my! Sign me up.
7:30pm. The Art Of Loving, 369 west Broadway St. Cost $50 for workshop, please register in advance online. artofloving.ca/seminars/seminar-topics/cock-and-ball-play
Peach Cobblah is on safari in Africa, and while she’s gone Alma B Itches has been left in charge. So be afraid, be very afraid. Joining Alma tonight is living legend Carlotta Gurl, who thankfully hasn’t hit anyone (yet) with an 1181 cartwheel. Throughout the show, audience members pull songs from a blender and the results has been entertaining audiences for over three years. See if you can find the most outrageous song of all to put in the blender.
10pm–1am. 1181, 1181 Davie St. No cover. facebook.com/events/1404993939540054