(Joan Jett and The Blackhearts join Heart at the Orpheum on March 8, 2016./Instagram @joanjett)
Thursday, March 3
The Junk Yard
If one man’s junk is another man’s treasure I must be packing Fort Knox in these tighty-whities, so it’s time to unleash the beast. Men’s Room brings you two events on the same night. Get primed at Vancouver Jax 2.0, with as many hands as you can handle fondling your goods from 7–10pm. Then enjoy The Junk Yard where subs arrive at 10pm and doms arrive at 11pm. No dress code, nudity is more than okay.
7pm–1am. Club 8×6, 1775 Haro St. Students $5, others $10, coat check $2. 8×6.ca
Friday, March 4
The Gay Agenda: Hustla
If you haven’t been to a Gay Agenda you are definitely missing some major fun, not to mention skin, butts and most assuredly dick. Tonight is the amateur Rainbro hip-hop strip show, as East Van cuties strip to sickening beats. With performers like Phat Twosday and Weiner Schnitzel, I think you know how the night is going to go. Some will flirt, some will go full Monty and a few may even hoist the mast, but guaranteed you will sweat your ass off and hide your boners on the dance floor.
10:30pm. The Cobalt, 917 Main St. Cover $9. facebook.com/events/186529608372685/
I know what you’re thinking but this is not that kind of party, nobody will be getting arrested. This is a new, monthly, standup comedy show in a secret art gallery. Hosted by Gavin Matts and Sophie Buddle with performers Kyle Bottom, Dino Archie, Amber Harper-Young and Darcy Michael — who nailed it opening for Wanda Sykes last week — this promises to be a winner. Message the organizers on Facebook to get the address and feel like a secret celebrity.
8:30pm-2am. $5 cover. facebook.com/events/459919434213953/
In my life, frisky Fridays are usually followed by “where the hell am I?” Saturday mornings. But this Frisky Friday is just for the ladies. With DJ Miss M, go-go girls and drag king performances, I’m sure the tequila will be flowing.
9:30pm. The Junction, 1138 Davie St. $5 cover. junctionpub.com/events/frisky-friday/
Saturday, March 5
I’ve always had a hard spot for Pumpjack. I find it’s the most comfortable spot to actually have a drink without a lot of plastic people around, and it helps that I always seem to get lucky. Recently things have been changing at my ole watering hole — and all for the better, I must say. With a resurgence of new programming with specialty nights, go-go men, shower shows, top DJs like Del Stamp, Nick Bertossi and others, as well as sexy stripped down bartenders, PJs is one of the top party bars in the village. Tonight is no exception as Underwear Night comes into play. Get out the thongs, tighty-whities, jocks or whatever you dare (just no granny panties, please).
9pm. Pumpjack Pub, 1167 Davie St. $5 cover. pumpjackpub.com
I get asked all the time, “Tom, what is the secret to your aging so well?” I’ll just let you people in on a secret: it’s my facial regimen. Every night I let a 26-year-old shoot all over my face. If that option’s not available to you, try tonight’s workshop instead. This is the beginning of a 10-week group workshop for aging fabulously and exercising safely to be the best you can be as you grow older gracefully.
11am–2pm. HIM Office, 1033 Davie St. For more information or to register, please phone 604-488-1001 or email firstname.lastname@example.org. checkhimout.ca/ai1ec_event/aging-fabulously-exercising-safely/?instance_id=21529
Your One And Only Life
I don’t go to church often since I’m always afraid I might burst into flames, but for a concert of Vancouver Men’s Chorus and Elektra Women’s Choir I might have to take a leap of faith. Together, the choirs will pay tribute to the music of their shared accompanist, Stephen Smith, in two shows.
First show is tonight at 7:30pm. Second show is Sunday, March 6 at 3pm. Ryerson United Church, 2195 W 45th Ave. Tickets $30 regular, $25 senior, $15 student at elektra.ca/concerts-events/oneandonly/
SHE: Women In Word & Music Dance Party
The second annual event honours International Women’s Day with live poetry and music before they dance it all out. Performers including Tasha Receno, Quanah Style, Miss Christie Lee and host Jazmine Khan. Organizers say SHE spotlights and celebrates indigenous, black, mixed race and women of colour, in a trans-friendly space of queer love.
8pm. The Wise Hall, 1882 Adanac St. Tickets at door $10-20 sliding scale. facebook.com/events/941269629292904
Sunday, March 6
Drag A Laga Ding Dong
People who just mistakenly come across my listings must wonder what the hell I am talking about sometimes with these titles. I really don’t make these names up. This is a gender-bender party where you dress up and a fundraiser for the Rainbow Refugee Committee. To sign up to perform send the organizers a note on Facebook.
6pm. The Junction, 1138 Davie St. Cover $10 at door. facebook.com/events/1102149143178241
Monday, March 7
I admit it: I help deplete the Health Initiative for Men’s supply of condom packs to the best of my ability. I have friends who say they use more than I do, but I think not. (Plus I have some friends who use none, but that is another party all together.) Help HIM, the first Monday of each month, as they get a great group of volunteers together to laugh, chat and stuff condoms and lube into packages. Plus you get a great meal afterwards donated by one of the village’s great restaurants.
6–9pm. HIM Office, 1033 Davie St. checkhimout.ca/ai1ec_event/condom-packaging-party-13/?instance_id=19904
Tuesday, March 8
Meeting a partner’s parents for the first time is never easy. I should know, I’ve had lots of practice. But this way would be my worst nightmare. Ga Ting tells the story of an immigrant Chinese couple trying to come to terms with the death of their son. When they invite their son’s Caucasian boyfriend for dinner after the funeral, things don’t go necessarily well. This play is performed in English and Cantonese with subtitles for both.
8pm. Vancity Culture Lab, 1895 Venables St. Show runs until Saturday, March 19, with some matinees. Info and tickets, $25, at thecultch.com.
I thought this is for me until I saw that “happy endings” are not included. I mean come on, it’s right there, pushing the towel away itself, just say hi or at least pat it dry. We will see how convincing I can be as Rob the erotic masseur presents an interactive workshop on erotic massage. Bring a buddy or your partner, massage oil, a towel and a yoga mat.
7–9pm. Club 8×6, 1775 Haro St. Free event. checkhimout.ca/ai1ec_event/get-kinky-with-him-erotic-massage/?instance_id=21351
Heart With Joan Jett And The Blackhearts
Okay, now I feel ancient. I think I lost my virginity in the back of a Gremlin (yes, that long ago) listening to Heart. Team them up with Joan Jett and I know a few lesbians will be making that same statement (just substitute a pickup for the Gremlin). These women can rock the Orpheum like never before.
Thursday, March 10
Dining Out For Life
No, I haven’t lost it: I know this is supposed to be for your next week listings but it is such an important event, for an amazing cause, I need you to make your reservations now. You can make a huge difference, one bite at a time. From Whistler to White Rock and across the Lower Mainland, Dining Out for Life’s restaurant partners will contribute 25 percent of their food sales Friends For Life and A Loving Spoonful. Invite friends, take a date or just eat alone, but do all you can. Hell, you can even invite me!
For a list of participating restaurants go to diningoutforlife.com/vancouver