Thursday, Nov 23
Vancouver Christmas Market
Some go for the mulled wine, some go to ride the carousel screaming like fools, but I go to see the hot single dads. Check it out for yourself, with more than 75 huts of authentic German sweets, treats and treasures of everything Christmas, from ugly sweaters to unique gifts. A visit is not complete until you have had some of the best vendor food in town. Shortbread and stollen are my nemeses; neither makes it all the way home. You can’t go wrong at this place: single, married or desperately looking. Just leave my shortbread alone.
11am–9pm every day until Sunday, Dec 24. Jack Poole Plaza, 1085 Canada Place. Tickets $10 single, $25 combo tickets at vancouverchristmasmarket.com/.
Mixtape: American Thanksgiving
Canadian Thanksgiving has come and gone, since we up north of the border like to have a few weeks of digestion between our huge turkey dinners. Americans on the other hand are gluttons for punishment and will be in a turkey induced coma from now until Christmas day, when they deep fry or bake another one with Coca Cola. Throw on your elastic waist pants, grab a cheap bottle of wine and get ready to hear your drunken aunt talk about politics — or come see a few comedians who are sure to make you laugh till you pee uncontrollably. Ryan Steele, Cameron Macleod and the Kingsgate Chorus are just a few of the many you will enjoy tonight.
8:30–11:30pm. The China Cloud, 524 Main St. Cover $10. facebook.com/events/151705652117895/
Friday, Nov 24
Ever wonder what it would be like to be a queen in the capital city? I have, but I can never get Tommy D pinned down long enough to ask. Monarch is the new event during the 46th reign that will feature everything royal, where there will even be crowns all over the room so you can get your selfie on — royally. Featuring performances by Empress 46 Jane Smoker as well as princesses Kendall Gender and Gia Metric, and all will be hosted by the boys, Emperor 46 Tommy D and princes Clayton and Sean.
Man Up 100
Wow, 10 years and 100 shows; that’s a lot of drag king stuffing. End to end those penises — or is that penii — would stretch from Vancouver to London or Shanghai if you gave them a little rub and tug. Join Man Up as they celebrate their 100th show of revolutionary gender-bending fabulousness.
9pm–2am. The Cobalt, 917 Main St. Cover $8 before 10pm, $15 after. facebook.com/events/317469478731129/
Eva & Friends: The Weirdos
There is nothing weird about Eva Scarlett except that she throws one hell of a show, and tonight promises to be another. Join Eva along with Maiden China, Molly Poppinz and many more with tunes provided by DJ Dominic Joseph Clarkson Brown: try to say that name three times after a few tequilas.
10pm–3am. XYYVR, 1216 Bute St. Cover $3. facebook.com/events/124810091546564
Saturday, Nov 25
Bears, The Baths & Beyond
Even the most mind-numbing clean freak, and I have known a few, can enjoy the bathhouse. Where else can you corner your preferred receptacle in the shower or jacuzzi and use rubbing them down with lotion or soap as part of your ritual? There’s enough bear meat here to keep you happy all winter, so pop that Cialis and meet you in the shower.
3–9pm. Steamworks Baths, 123 W Pender St. Weekend rates start at $20. steamworksbaths.com
Vancouver Art and Leisure and Good Night Out Vancouver pair up to present a one-day symposium followed by a femme-powered dance party to raise awareness for the elimination of violence against women. This event is for everyone who wants to end sexual violence, dismantle the patriarchy, fight for equality, honour safe spaces and work towards eliminating rape culture. DJs Roxy Motorola, Xtine, Handsome Tiger and more will spin at the main event dance party.
3–7pm is the symposium, by donation. 11pm–4am is the dance party. 494 Railway St. Dance tickets are $15 advance at leisure.events or limited tickets at the door for $20. facebook.com/events/292584857908381/
Third Annual Ruff Calendar Launch
You’ve got to love the Ruff calendar launch parties; they are kind of interactive because it’s not the calendar that is scratch and sniff but the Ruff men. This year is the third instalment of the Men of Ruff, presented by talented photographer inkedKenny. Tonight is a fundraiser benefitting the Sisters of Perpetual Indulgence, so get your calendar, pick the month to drool over and search out that month’s Ruff god. Just keep those paws off May; that scratch and sniff is mine.
4–6pm. Pumpjack Pub, 1167 Davie St. No Cover. facebook.com/events/127922004585770/
Third Annual Burlesque Marathong
Even now, decades after it came out, Gypsy is my favourite curl-up movie. I think I secretly wanted to be in that Natalie Wood gown, strutting on the stage at Minsky’s. With performers from the Vancouver Burlesque Center, Screaming Chicken Theatrical Society, The Lost Girls, Virago Nation, Geekenders, Caravan of Creeps and Damask Burlesk, this night showcases the incredible diversity and talent of the burlesque scene in Vancouver. Come cheer on the performers as they film their newest and best acts for submissions to festivals and competitions around the world.
Non Stop Disco Party
Time to get the moves down before New Year’s Eve, and what better way to do that than disco? Get out the polyester, the bell bottoms, the clogs — well, maybe not the clogs — and put four to the floor and show off your stuff. Featuring all the retro glitz and drag whimsy one might have seen in all the discotheques from the dawn of mainstream queer culture and late-night hedonism. With DJs Trevor Risk, Phil David and hosted by the Madame of the ’70s herself, Shanda Leer.
10:30pm–2am. The Fox Cabaret, 2321 Main St. Tickets $8 advance on Facebook or $12 at the door. facebook.com/events/1915324881830178
Christmas Drag Queen Race
A few years ago I was lucky enough to see Conni Smudge in a play about drag queens on trial — she was a natural. Tonight she teams up with the Vancouver Theatre Sports Christmas queen, so you know what that means: if there is a Santa involved he is going to get spit roasted by the end of the night. The lace, or in Conni’s case nitrile, gloves come off as these two grande dames put contestants through their paces in a series of improv challenges with the help of audience suggestions resulting in the bejewelling of a new drag diva.
11:15pm. The Improv Centre, 1502 Duranleau St, Granville Island. Show runs for five consecutive Saturday nights only: Nov 25, Dec 2, 9, 16 and 23. More info and tickets ($15.75–$22.50) at vtsl.com/show/christmas-queen-drag-race/.
Sunday, Nov 26
The Sleepy Girls Show: Episode 11
Peach Cobblah watch out; Shanda Leer is popping up everywhere these days. Tonight she is the guest of Dust and Misty Meadows along with Maiden China, so get ready for a ridiculous romp. There comes a time in every little queer’s life when they are introduced to someone via pop culture who changes their existence for the queerer. These are the harbingers of homosexuality — come meet theirs.
8:30–11:30pm. Displace Hashery, 3293 W 4th Ave. Cover $10. facebook.com/events/546503979029074/
Drag Me to Hell
In the movie of the same name, an old gypsy drag queen casts a spell on a pretty blond girl and bad things start to happen to her. This is the same premise, but Karmella Barr casts a spell on Carlotta Gurl to stay the hell away from Junction tonight so Mina Mercury and Miss Understood can finally get some stage time. DJ Drew will be spinning the tunes.
10:30pm. The Junction, 1138 Davie St. Cover $5. junctionpub.com/events/drag-me-to-hell-3/
Monday, Nov 27
Gender Bender Trivia
Jayke Walker and Chance Kingsmyth host tonight’s “Get Stumped” Trivia to test your general knowledge of gender bending, with movie clips and fun games.
7:30–10:30pm. The Junction, 1138 Davie St. No cover charge. facebook.com/events/871995029615460/
Dick Safari Amateur Strip
Everyone needs a little cock in their life every once in a while, but little is not a word in Dickmaster Del Stamp’s vocabulary. Del will not be satisfied until he finds the Holy Grail of Dick, the monster traffic cone size, if you will. And he has the means to find it every month as amateurs from all over the city come to show their stuff in hopes of getting the “Stamp” of approval. Get in, get raunchy, and get out: hopefully with the prize money. Think you’ve got what it takes? Then put your meat where Alma B Itches likes to eat and see if you get out alive.
12:30am. The Junction, 1138 Davie St. Cover is the most entertaining $5 you will spend ever. junctionpub.com/events/dck-safari-2017-11-27/
Wednesday, Nov 29
How To Stop Attracting Negative Things
In this seminar, life coach Jamie Smith will teach you how to apply the Law of Attraction so that you can attract more of what you want in your life. You will pick up strategies for maintaining positive thoughts and language, plus a 30-day take-home assignment.
The Naughty Nutcracker
Somehow the thought of Conni Smudge dressed as Mrs Claus, squeezing the family jewels and cackling continuously, comes to mind the minute I see this event. Fall in love with a Sugar Bum Fairy and bravely face an army of mischievous mice in this intimate retelling of the holiday classic, as the once-innocent Clara returns to Candy Land for encounters with delinquent dolls, racy rats, and sexy soldiers. Presented by Luminesque Dance.
Storytelling with Drag Queens for Adults
See what you have been missing (and what you have to look forward to after you are put in the home and reading night comes up). Evocative, sassy, sexy readings and heaps of fun await you this evening, as Oliv, Rogue, and Peah Emm turn the café into an evening reading salon. Based on NYC’s famous Drag Queen Story Hour at the Brooklyn Public Library, but with a twist: this one’s for adults only. Cocktail please!
8–10pm. Café Deux Soleils, 2096 Commercial Dr. Entrance by donation but no one turned away for lack of funds. facebook.com/events/455762841491274/