Thursday, Oct 6
Tantric Massage On Men
From what I’ve been told, a tantric massage will make you feel like you’re having an actual orgasm, without having to do anything except lie back and enjoy. If this is true, I could save hundreds of dollars a month on lube, not to mention callouses on my hands. Tonight learn to give your man an evening of sensual pleasure. Discover a new way to connect with the mind, body, spirit and the dangly bits. Open to any and all genders.
7:30–9:30pm. The Art of Loving, 369 West Broadway St. Cost $25 per person, tickets and info at artofloving.ca/
It’s the long weekend and all those American boys will be up so let’s show them a good time with a hot night of strippers in a city where they can be naked. Tonight is buff boys night in the shower, usually smooth, built, young and hung. With host Berlin, who usually ends up in the shower at some point, the night is bound to be a success.
9pm. The Odyssey, 686 W Hastings St. Cover $5 and guest list at facebook.com/events/1617000178594440/
Friday, Oct 7
Wet & Wild
For those of you who like your men with a bit more of an edge: hairy, muscles, experience, dick of death — and I don’t mean just DJ Nick Bertossi — this is the night for you. The men are Wet & Wild and definitely not shy. Most nights, the crowd is as hot as the shower, which you’d expect when Steamworks is a partner. Remember, tourists: what happens at Pumpjack, stays at Pumpjack. Unless you have a nice hotel room — I can be bought.
9pm–3am. Pumpjack Pub, 1167 Davie St. Cover $5 after 9pm. pumpjackpub.com
Saturday, Oct 8
Dan Savage’s Hump Festival
After seeing this show last weekend and squirming in my seat — you really should be in your own cubicle watching this so you can take care of business — I spent the night split between laughter and erections. Now it’s Victoria’s turn as the festival features short dirty movies, each less than five minutes, all created by people who aren’t porn stars but want to be one for a weekend. One night only but three shows available.
6:30, 8:30 and 10:30pm. The Vic Theatre, 808 Douglas Rd, Victoria. Tickets $18 US and info at humpfilmfest.com
What better way to spend Thanksgiving weekend than with a hot bit of rough love. With Shanda Leer and Jane Smoker double-teaming, someone is bound to get stuffed more than your mom’s butterball. Tonight is a night of retro dance hits and eccentric nightlife, with guests Christa Belle and Trevor Risk.
With DJs Abel and Quest playing until it’s time to go to church, I don’t think there will be much resisting. But when was the last time you were at a gay party and anyone, including myself, ever resisted anyway? Tonight’s party is hosted by Love and Freedom Events who specialize in underground techno and house music.
Sunday, Oct 9
If I were a lesbian I would probably know who Kiyomi Valentine is. I looked her up and found she’s from The Real L Word and the founder of the alt rock band Hunter Valentine, so I still don’t know who she is. But seeing her picture, I know that Flygirl is going to be packed tonight. For those of you who have closed your eyes and dreamt of Kiyomi singing to you over that constant hum — what is that? — then get ready for her intimate and unplugged performance from 9:30–10:30pm, followed by the party that Flygirl is known for.
9pm–2am. Bar None, 1222 Hamilton St. Tickets $12 advance, $15 regular at Little Sister’s, 1238 Davie St, and online at flygirlproductions.com
I am definitely not making fun of anyone’s name, especially not DJ Mike Sniffen as he is amazing. But his name is what I would use if I were a drag queen. I would be Sniffen MeeCrack. Cracks me up every time! Tonight promises to be the crème de la crème of Ruff parties. Not only are DJs GingerBear and Mike Sniffen teaming up, but from out of the closet they have dusted him off for a blast form the past: Mr Ruff 2014, Glenn, will be performing along with Mr Ruff 2016 Shane and runner–up Jesse, and don’t miss the debut of Pup Powder.
Babes On Babes
All the guys are having long weekend parties, now it is time for the babes. Lick Club and Ponyboy have joined forces with multiple corners of the community to create a fun, inclusive, safer party vibe that showcases the vibrancy of local and international queer party scenes. Featuring queer talent from around the globe with three rooms, eight DJs and live hip-hop performances.
9pm–2am. Fortune Sound Club, 147 E Pender St. $15 at door. facebook.com/events/982889901839480/
Monday, Oct 10
That jewel on Davie Street, where you can meet the preppy boy of your dreams and have a cocktail that will knock you on your ass, and have it served to you by a bartending god, is bringing you a new Monday night where “World + Grime + Dancehall = a lot of fun.” I am not sure about the grime part is about as I haven’t even seen anyone in dirty skivvies in the washroom; these boys are all squeaky clean.
9pm–3am. 1181, 1181 Davie St. No cover. facebook.com/events/1126345264140243/
Tuesday, Oct 11
The Art of Coming Out
I remember when I came out I was 16 and I got caught with a naked guy in the back seat of my dad’s car, parked in the garage. I said casually, “Oh, this is my boyfriend Rick.” Needless to say Rick made a beeline for home leaving his boxers behind, while I got the lecture about God is watching me. (It didn’t really ring true as my parents hadn’t been to church since they got married, and plus at 16 I was already 6’6 and they were both under 5’10.) The purpose of tonight’s event is to address the issues and social stigmas that individuals may face during their coming-out process. Listen to Michael Chutskoff’s story of personal struggle and his attempts to find acceptance, and how he overcame those struggles. This is also an amazing opportunity to meet new people, as there is a social aspect to this event, so perfect for those struggling to be accepted.
6–10pm. Student Union, University of the Fraser Valley, 33844 King Road, Abbotsford. Entrance $5 for non UFC students. facebook.com/events/1201569899886954/
Many years ago I remember when my dad wanted to sit down and have “the talk” — the one all my friends had already had about erections, women’s parts and all that stuff. He started off fine then said we needed to talk about “S” and my mind was racing as I thought he was going to talk about actual sex so I would know what to do. You have to know my dad was in the army for quite a few years, so in fact the “S” talk was not about sex but syphilis. The way he explained it, I had nightmares for weeks about sleeping with a woman, getting syphilis and then my dick falling off. These days all you have to do is go to HIM and get the real facts at Syphilis 101: what is it, how do I get it, how do I get rid of it. Join the nurse for this informative workshop, which will address myths, doubts and health questions you may have but never had the opportunity to ask.
7–8:30pm. Health Initiative for Men (HIM) office, 310-1033 Davie St. Please call to register for this free workshop at 604-488-1001. checkhimout.ca
I know quite a few tops that could use this class. Spit and ramming it till it fits is not a date from heaven, trust me. But this class is more than that. If you are already into bottoming then this will show you how to get even more pleasure by angles, positions, etc. Perfect class for a first date! All genders are welcome.
7:30–9:30pm. The Art of Loving, 369 W Broadway St. Cost is $15 per person. Registration at artofloving.ca
Wednesday, Oct 12
Well, this week I have covered everything from backside love, to syphilis, to massage and coming out, so naturally I have saved the best for last. How many of you have anticipated that first kiss and dreamt it would be hard, forceful, loving and yes, probing? Then it ends up like having an overcooked noodle shoved in your mouth, let alone any other orifice? Don’t be shy, just man-up and take your partner to this two-hour class on the intricacies of making that first kiss signal the body to open wide. Man or woman, everyone can learn and all are welcome.
7:30–9:30pm. The Art of Loving, 369 W Broadway St. Cost $49 per couple at artofloving.ca