Thursday, Sept 1
Although this is not something I attend — obviously — it is an excellent event for women. For the past 11 years, the conference for older lesbians and dykes has attracted women aged 45-plus from around the world to participate in opportunities for learning, organizing and networking, with workshops, dragon boating, tours, and even a Queer as Funk concert. This year, Janine Fuller will receive the BOLD Woman of the Year Award presented by Daily Xtra’s editorial director Robin Perelle at the luncheon on Sept 2.
Runs until Sunday, Sept 4. Coast Plaza Hotel, 1763 Comox St.
Check out boldfest.com for registration fees, individual class fees, times and events.
West End Games Night
I used to think I was the games master with all the right answers and funniest jibes. That is, until I went to games night in the Plaza. I realized with no alcohol I wasn’t ever winning — just thought I was. Now I can suck at games in front of 50 people. The worst part is I will remember all of it the next day. Still, it’s a lot of fun with an amazing host who brings dozens of games, sets everything up and entertains you the whole time. Don’t know the rules? Never fear, he knows all of them. It’s definitely worth a try. Now if Hamburger Mary’s just had table service, I would be in heaven.
5-9pm. Jim Deva Plaza, Davie at Bute Street. Free event. facebook.com
As a child, there are phrases that stick with you for life, don’t make sense, and are often never true. Boob tube is one my father used to call the TV, and for years I thought that was its actual name. Boob Tube has returned — except I’m in on the joke now — and this time, it’s a weekly TV party hosted by Ponyboy and Thanks Jem. It’s a gay-ass party that’s all about family values in a space similar to your parents’ living room but you don’t have to sneak the booze. Warning: You will see a lot of RuPaul’s Drag Race.
6-11pm. The Emerald, 555 Gore Ave. No cover. facebook.com/events/287409041635737/
Tantric Massage For Men
I have never tried tantric but I am willing to give it a go. I just don’t understand how you have an orgasm without shooting a load. Do you implode instead? Join me and let’s find out together. Apparently by the end of the evening, you will be able to create an erotic event your man will never forget. If you see a tall man on Davie humping a parking meter, you will know it didn’t work for me, but I’m a tough nut to crack.
7:30pm. The Art of Loving, 369 West Broadway St. Info and $25 registration at artofloving.ca
My go-to Thursday hotspot for ogling clean, usually hairless, always muscular boys soaping up in the shower. But don’t get too close or you’ll face the wrath of host Alma B Itches. She always gets dibs first. DJ Harris spins and there’s no shortage of go-go boys shaking their assets.
9pm. The Odyssey, 688 W Hastings St. Cover $5. facebook.com/events/1102948296457432/
Friday, Sept 2
It’s another evening for the ladies, featuring DJ Miss M, sexy go-go girls and a dance floor full of hot, eager potential playmates. Good thing there is no work Monday. Dress to impress and have a cocktail or three.
9:30pm-4am. The Junction, 1138 Davie St. Cover $5. junctionpub.com
Wet & Wild Long Weekend
Had your fill of boys? Now it’s time for the men: real, hot, hairy, built, hung men. Find them on the go-go box under the shower. This is one of the busiest nights in the village, courtesy of a collaboration between Pumpjack and Steamworks. Del Stamp and Nick Bertossi are the resident DJs on alternating weeks but both are as hot as the talent. You can always find me there Friday night. I’m the one with his tongue pressed up against the glass — DJ booth or shower stall. See what you have been missing at the NSFW promo video https://vimeo.com/176237188
10pm. Pumpjack Pub, 1167 Davie St. Cover $5. pumpjackpub.com/
Hustla: Labour Gay Weekend
So after saying goodbye to Hustla this summer, it’s making a comeback. Peach Cobblah, I won’t fall for that again, so this time it better be back to stay. The hottest hip hop, homo party hosted by the Peach herself is how you should spend your long weekend. DJs Jef Leppard and Rose will be on hand, and look out for performances by Lea Ven Detta and the House of La Douche.
10:30pm-2am. The Cobalt, 917 Main St. Cover $9-12. facebook.com/events/508477449356667/
Saturday, Sept 3
Kootenay Pride Festival
I think I could live most of the year just going to Pride. I have listings for Pride around the world up until the end of November. How about it, Daily Xtra? Need a travelling Pride correspondent? Kootenay Pride is upon us and it’s the perfect trip for a long weekend. Tonight is the big Drag Show & Dance hosted by the travelling Pride show herself, Conni Smudge. Events start Thursday, Sept 1 and run until Monday, Sept 5.
Check out all the events, venues and tickets at kootenaypride.com/index.html
Ever want a puppy but didn’t want to go through all the hassle of training, cleaning up, feeding — and worse — giving a dog a bath? Now you can try one out with none of the grunt work. Van-Pah is a group of puppies and their handlers — both of the two legged kind — that don their gear and play at the pub, roaming around, sniffing your crotch, playing with toys, and more. Rub their bellies, play fetch, give them a pat on the head, and then go home to your tidy, fur-free apartment.
2-4pm. Pumpjack Pub, 1167 Davie St. No cover. vanpah.com/
Studio With Shanda
One of my childhood idols was Lucille Ball. She was like a babysitter whenever Mom and Dad needed to “talk.” Vancouver’s version of Lucy is Shanda Leer and her monthly show, Studio. It’s a night full of over-the-top standup, skits, potential choreography, and a Broadway number or two. It’s always a great night of comedy — just like Mom and Dad’s sex nights.
8-11pm. XYYVR, 1216 Bute St. Cover $5. facebook.com/TFDpresents
Sunday, Sept 4
Naked Heaven Recruitment Party
Just when you thought there was no place for the boys to hang out — and I mean, hang out — Pacific-Canadian Association of Nudists bring you another of their awesome men’s dances. The yearly PCAN membership is back and cards will be available to all. So come on out, drop your gear, have fun, and stay in the bathroom until your first boner deflates.
8pm-2am. Club 8×6, 1775 Haro St. $15 at door, $10 for members, $25 memberships available at the event. p-can.org/
Babes On Babes
Sorry my straight friends, this is not a porn night. This is one of the largest parties of the long weekend brought to you by Lick Club and Ponyboy of Man Up. Picture it: Three rooms, nine DJs, live performances, and alcohol. They’ve joined forces with a wide swath of the community to create a fun, inclusive, safer party vibe that represents all of us. MC Brigee-K hosts and Autokrat lays down a live hip-hop performance.
9pm-2am. Fortune Sound Club, 147 East Pender St. $15 at door. facebook.com/events/1383137911701852/
So many years, so many parties, and still going strong. These ladies know how to keep people happy and coming back year after year. DJ Saratonin returns to our city and brings the night to life. All Flygirl parties are inclusive, so everyone is invited, the more the merrier.
10pm-2am. The Red Room Ultra Bar, 398 Richards St. Tickets $15 at Little Sister’s, 1238 Davie St.
Tuesday, Sept 6
Yes, this is just what it sounds like, minus the races where you wave your arms while screaming, “Get out of my way bitch!” This is a free Monday-Thursday class that will guide you through warm-up, jogging, cross-training, walking, stretching, and general physical exercises for all gay guys at all fitness levels.
6:30pm. Pick a day, pick two, or go to all if you wish. Venues are Nelson Park and Roundhouse Community Centre. No fee. More info at checkhimout.ca/
Queer Improv Workshop
Looking to hone your comedic skills so they’re as sharp as mine? Not too hard to do, but this is a weekly class that will teach you the fundamentals of comedy and improvisation. The teachers are some of the city’s best improv gurus around. Maybe one day you’ll be under the bright lights at Queer Prov or Yuk Yuk’s.
6:45-8:45pm. Qmunity, 1170 Bute St. No charge. qmunity.ca
Wednesday, Sept 7
After attending this fundraiser for the Dr Peter Centre, you’ll need a gym membership. Some of the city’s top restaurants, bakeries and caterers supply the tasty culinary creations to complement the New Zealand wines you’ll be sipping. Bid on auction items and socialize with business and media professionals.
6:30pm. Roundhouse Community Centre, 181 Roundhouse Mews. Tickets $225 general admission at drpeter.org/events/Scotiabank%20Passions/