Thursday, Sept 15
I have two favourite nights at the bathhouse: Black Light Night and Lights Out. Black Light because no matter how pale you are, you always look tanned under the light, and Lights Out because you get to feel your way through the crowd while doing a little anonymous groping. Once you hit something that needs more than one hand to grope, you know you have hit pay dirt. Tonight the lights will be down real low as the men go into overdrive.
4pm-4am. Steamworks Baths, 123 West Pender St. Rates start at $15. steamworksbaths.com/vancouver/
I love a show about nothing but dicks. I don’t have to think at all except mulling drink choices. Tonight Rose Butch, Ilona, and Alma B Itches join Jem who is assembling her extended drag family to resurrect the East Vancouver tragicomedy, Cool Moms. If you’ve never caught that show, here’s your chance to see part of what you missed.
11pm. The Junction, 1138 Davie St. $5 cover. facebook.com/Thanks-Jem-1412711232368809/
Friday, Sept 16
Out For Kicks Year End Party
It’s a sad time of year for some of us who have a soccer-uniform fetish. We have to wait until next season to see all those balls bouncing across the field — and the big one that goes in the net, of course. Fear not, there may be a last chance for you to check out your favourite players who may be in their gear at tonight’s closing party and annual general meeting. Maybe that season-long debate over who wore the shortest shorts — Luke or Dave — will finally be settled. Everyone is welcome to attend and cheer for your favourite in the player awards.
6pm-12am. The Pint, 455 Abbott St. No cover. facebook.com/events/965128086966266/
Brews N’ Chews 3
I can’t believe there is a hip-hop neighborhood party just blocks from my place that has happened twice already and I never heard about it. Maybe they’ve heard about me and that’s the problem. Happens now and then, but this time I have the address and I’m going in. For the price of your ticket — which is a bargain — you get a Steamworks beer, a Cartems Donuterie donut, three Farmers Products snacks and DJ Teyshan spinning the tunes.
Yoga With Him
Now that nude yoga has finished up at the other place, you’ll have to wear something to keep the goods hidden and firmly in place — a shame I know. Still, from what I have heard, this class is awesome and worth checking out. Open to all levels. Please bring your own mat, towel and lots of energy. I’m checking it out this week but it just won’t be the same without the view from the back of the room. At least the guy with balls that almost drag on the floor won’t be there.
7-8:15pm. Scotiabank Dance Centre, 677 Davie St. Sessions are free but in order to sustain their services, they rely on your donations. Most people give $5-$10. More info at 604-488-1001 or online at checkhimout.ca
Wet & Wild
Not going to lie, I love cock. Short, long, fat, skinny, smooth, hairy, curved like a banana or straight like an arrow. If you’ve got one, I’m probably going to like it. This is the best place to see all forms — on big, hairy muscular bears to little cubs. If they aren’t in the shower, they’ll be whipping them out somewhere, and I’m warning you, if I see it I own it. Each week three specimens of man meat are hand-picked by connoisseur Del Stamp for your viewing pleasure. The guys are hot and the shower is steamy.
Music at 10pm, showers at 11pm. Pumpjack Pub, 1163 Davie St. $5 cover after 9pm. pumpjackpub.com/
Saturday, Sept 17
AIDS Walk & Pancake Breakfast
I know what you are thinking but no, I didn’t make a mistake and no, the Alzheimer’s has not kicked in. This is the Nanaimo version a week before Vancouver’s. They start out by feeding you a big pancake breakfast to get you energized for the walk. Warning: Stay away from the trails because I just know Conni Smudge is always lurking there somewhere.
Pancakes 9:30-11:30am, walk 11:45am. St Andrew’s United Church, 311 Fitzwilliam St, Nanaimo.
Thud: The Big Girl Show
This is a show about big girls performing songs by big girls — and I know if I make a joke right now, I’ll be flatter than a pancake. Peach Cobblah, Anna Propriette along with Mistermiss Cobalt 2016, Grimm, are the perfect choices for this visit to the big-girl buffet. Do not try to smuggle food in. They will sniff it out and you don’t want to anger a hungry queen.
8pm. XYYVR, 1216 Bute St. No cover. facebook.com/events/640388672788274/
Kink Fetish Nights III
There are so many kink and fetish nights in Vancouver these days I wonder how people hide the marks and bruises at work. This is a kink-based LGBT and straight-friendly event right in the heart of the village. They have plush seats for those who like to watch, and a large outdoor, fully covered, heated dungeon with equipment provided by PLUR Productions. Check online for more info and strict fetish dress code is observed.
Sunday, Sept 18
Queers & Beers
Although I think this would be a great name for a bar, it is quickly becoming East Vancouver’s favourite hangout party. If you’re not into trying more than 24 different craft beers then this is the week for you as they have added several craft ciders to the mix. Food trucks, video games, DJs, and a huge parking lot patio are also on tap. Queers, cider, beer and food — there’s a recipe for a perfect Sunday afternoon.
Man Up: Fall Edition
After your fill of cider and beer at Queers & Beers, just stay where you are. Man Up takes over to bring you a night of kings and queens. Pack it, strap it, tape it, tuck it, bind it, boost it, paint it on and then take it all off — or don’t! Man Up challenges you to get your bits wet in the wonderful world of DIY queer performance art. This is an open-call, queer variety show for all levels and bodies. For more info or to get on the bill, email email@example.com
9pm amateur hour, 10:15pm show. The Cobalt, 917 Main St. Cover $7 but no one is turned away.
Caliente Nights Second Anniversary
The Latinas are loose and they are ready to party. Tonight marks two years of Latin Heat with Casha Only, Rebeca Wolf, Brooke Davis and many more performing their asses off for you. Everyone is welcome to la fiesta.
9pm, drag show at 10pm and 12am. The Junction, 1138 Davie St. Cover $5 after 9pm.
Monday, Sept 19
The March Sweater
I was surprised I wasn’t asked to be part of this show but then I saw it’s about the wisdom that comes from growing older, and I guess they know me. Five original documentary shorts share the stories of LGBT seniors from around British Columbia. Produced by Amazing Factory Productions Inc for Ayam Civic Society and funded by TELUS Optik Local.
Tuesday, Sept 20
Gay Warriors: Talking Circle
I don’t usually see much out there for two-spirit men, so I knew I had to list this. This drop-in talking circle is a safe space for gay or two-spirit men to connect and share their stories. With a spiritual, non-religious smudge and First Nations prayer practice, the healing talking circle offers an opportunity to connect with one’s higher self-entity. This group meets the first Tuesday of each month.