Toronto Diary
1 min

Pejazzling: F*cking seriously?

No really. FUCKING. SERIOUSLY?

All right, I’ll give a quick recap for people who are reading the title and wondering what the hell I’m talking about. Once upon a time, Jennifer Love Hewitt decided it would be an awesome idea to get sparkly shit hot glued on her poussoire. She called the practice “vajazzling.” (Wave goodbye to any last lingering strands of heterosexuality, kids!) Women everywhere decided it was a good idea, despite the fact that J LoHew is essentially what would happen if you took a fistful of Cathy cartoons and stuck them in an annoying, pear-shaped woman who got dumped by Jamie Kennedy. Basically, if you’re looking to her for relationship advice, do the exact opposite of everything she does.

Anyway, someone decided that this would also work on guys. Thus was born “pejazzling": the not-so ancient art of gluing sparkles around your crotch! Now, the only difference between your cock and a diamond is that a diamond is actually hard. But that doesn’t really matter because I know at least one person out there is reading this and scheduling an appointment to have his balls covered in glitter. So, to him I say, “Enjoy unintentional celibacy!”

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