Male reproductive system
1 min

Penis penis penis penis penis

Yeah, okay, I'm twelve but seriously, it seems that's what it's all about today…

Having become instantly infamous as the 18(or 17?)-year-old lover of Portland mayor Sam Adams, Beau Breedlove is all set to extend his 15 minutes — and his penis — in a nude photo shoot for Unzipped magazine.  The news that Beau Breedlove is doing porn is the least shocking surprise since Clay Aiken came out!

Just plain shocking is the latest trend in skin care:  a wrinkle cream made from babies' foreskins.  Buy a case this week and get a free portrait of your soulless self!

There's a new drug on the market that can apparently stop premature ejaculation (not that you need such a drug, of course) but one doctor warns, "It doesn't work for all men and it can cause nausea and diarrhea."  Wow, there's a Sophie's Choice but I'm still excited to try…oh OH!  Never mind.

There are easier ways to defuse such a situation — nothing will slow you down more than this godawful anti-gay propaganda now making the rounds (the sniper sights at 0:58 are an especially horrid touch):

In other 'sky-is-falling' developments, NBC News has a shocking report on a major American controversy!  Not the Iraq war, not the failing economy, but something far more urgent:

And you thought I was obsessed!