Yeah, okay, I'm twelve but seriously, it seems that's what it's all about today…
Having become instantly infamous as the 18(or 17?)-year-old lover of Portland mayor Sam Adams, Beau Breedlove is all set to extend his 15 minutes — and his penis — in a nude photo shoot for Unzipped magazine. The news that Beau Breedlove is doing porn is the least shocking surprise since Clay Aiken came out!
There's a new drug on the market that can apparently stop premature ejaculation (not that you need such a drug, of course) but one doctor warns, "It doesn't work for all men and it can cause nausea and diarrhea." Wow, there's a Sophie's Choice but I'm still excited to try…oh OH! Never mind.
There are easier ways to defuse such a situation — nothing will slow you down more than this godawful anti-gay propaganda now making the rounds (the sniper sights at 0:58 are an especially horrid touch):
In other 'sky-is-falling' developments, NBC News has a shocking report on a major American controversy! Not the Iraq war, not the failing economy, but something far more urgent:
And you thought I was obsessed!