Toronto Diary
2 min

PETA still doesn’t get it

So, a story recently dropped about how Facebook founder and Jesse Eisenberg-look-alike Mark Zuckerberg has decided that he will eat only meat that comes from animals he has slaughtered. Why? Beats the shit out of me. Rich people are weird. When you consider that Charlie Sheen once made $2 million per episode of the single worst show ever made and then subsequently tried to use that money to build a mansion out of crystal meth and the corpses of strippers… well, it doesn’t take a genius to see that money makes people completely crazycakes.

Anyway, PETA didn’t like Zuckerberg’s decision one bit because, let’s face it here, PETA doesn’t like ANYTHING. Seriously, their budget is split 50-50 between thinking up new ways to be outraged over petty bullshit and paying fame whores to take naked pictures for a cause they know fuck-all about. Naturally, PETA decided to fuck everyone who just had their houses demolished by a tornado, because that guy they loosely based The Social Network on just killed a pig for sustenance!

Here’s the thing about PETA: I’m sure on some level their hearts are in the right place, but when it comes down to brass tacks, they are stupid. Actually, calling them stupid would be an insult to people with sub-average intelligence. PETA’s pure, unadulterated incompetence in everything they do is probably the main reason why people hate animals. They don’t get it! Who’s going to try to emulate Mark Zuckerberg’s diet? The guy is built like a five-year-old with brittle bone disease. He would need to grow a mustache on his balls just to be considered manly enough to wear high-heeled shoes. And even if he weren’t such a huge pansy, he’d still be morally in the clear because animals eat other animals. While not all animals do, placing moral superiority on one choice over the other is pretty damn stupid when neither action has any major consequence in the grand scheme of things.

But none of that really matters because, ultimately, PETA is just utterly clueless about the moral complexities of using animals for our benefit. Hell, the senior vice-president of PETA is dependent on insulin, which is incredibly ironic when you consider that insulin is tested on animals and contains animal products. Whoops. And they seem to think rolling out a new photo of a naked model every time someone kills an animal is going to convince anyone that killing said animal is wrong? Really? If anything, PETA’s continued existence is probably the cruellest thing to happen to animals ever. And just to show you that I love animals, here’s a dog with a heart on its butt. Why? Because it’s, OMG, SO CUTE!

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