Toronto
1 min

Porn reviews: Casino Royale, Twisted, Boot Boy

MYTH NO MORE. Kent North works a pylon in Club Inferno's Twisted.

It’s difficult to think about porn in the wake of seeing Casino Royale. No doubt there is much scholarship somewhere regarding the fact that James Bond is such a total gay, though I’m not interested enough to go looking for it — that kind of research seems so not gay. But please take note of the way the camera practically licks Daniel Craig’s porno-pumped body. Witness the knife fight between Craig and Simon Akbarian and tell me it isn’t a battle of the tops. And when Mads Mikkelsen gets Craig stripped naked, ties him up, seats him in a chair that has the seat torn out of it and whacks him in the nuts with a knotted rope, well — tell me that isn’t something you haven’t seen in a Hot House production. I’m just saying.

Meanwhile, back in the hard-core world, I feel like I’ve seen a myth come true. You know there are those stories about women getting screwed by donkeys in Tijuana… but it’s always a friend of someone’s friend who heard about it happening the night before they arrived? I always thought the same was true about guys sitting on traffic pylons. Even in porn, I’ve only ever heard rumour of it. It was only once and I can’t remember the name of the film — I think the performer involved was Trent Reed, an old favourite. I should look for that.

Anyway, there I was checking out the first disc of Club Inferno’s Twisted and lo and behold, doesn’t Kent North get some help sliding up and down a big orange pylon. Funny how these things are so disappointing when you finally get around to them. Though I do think it would have been a really great idea to have put a camera inside the pylon, looking up. That would have been a scream. In more ways than one.

But I’ve tired of circus porn, as I’ve taken to calling it — you know, the all-heavy-sex videos that are really just observational, where the camera hangs around while guys put really big things up their asses. In the absence of real porn that features Daniel Craig, I’m turning my focus on another tall, handsome (and in this case) dark gentleman by the name of Matt Cole. I’m still researching, but if you happen to have a thing for armpits, see Chi Chi LaRue’s Boot Boy (Rascal Video) posthaste. More on Matty, soon.