Broke, busted and still sporting an ugly Christmas sweater from great Aunt Tilly?
Don’t let that stop you, gurl. You got reason this season to twirl your disco stick as old Saint Nick heads back to his globally warmed sweat shop full of miserable elves. Get on out there and play.
What is silver and glittered and strewn on the floor yet higher than a kite? Aside from you in some unflattering New Year’s Eve Facebook pics, it could be none other than drag star Anastasia Star.
Heading into George’s Play (504 Church St) with hair teased to Jesus and wearing the biggest ballgown I have ever seen, the sometimes guest and co-host alongside resident divas Chris Edwards and Michelle Ross looks overwhelmingly stunning. I’ve made dresses out of curtains before, but this girl brought the couch. George’s Play has bingo every day of the week from 2pm to 5pm with witty cacklers such as Burger and Babushka pulling out the balls. But the fun and games really begin when the lights go down for Miss Chris Edwards’ Diva Showcase, 9pm to 11 pm Saturdays at the popular Latina boogie arena. Followed of course by dancing all night. The crowd of boozing voguers and ass shakers willingly acquire Latin Fever courtesy of DJ Oscar.
Still dreaming of a white Christmas?
Snow or no snow, you probably want pornstar Pierre Fitch to cum on your face.
Fitch’s Tabernac! party at Goodhandy’s (120 Church St) on Sat, Jan 9 ($5 before 11pm; $10 after) delivers the goods and services for fans of dancing and romancing. As an added treat, students get free admission all night with their coveted student ID cards. Mandy Goodhandy pushes the comedy card with her Show Your Basket for a Tabernac Gift Basket at 2am. Perhaps there will be an item of clothing or two, cause everybody seems to lose theirs in that place. I’m not sure what “tabernac” means, but I’m pretty sure I want it to happen to me.
The bar’s Queer Idol competition, brought to us by classic retro night Screww every third Friday of the month ($5 before 10pm; $9 after) has become a Goodhandy’s staple. Audiences and scenesters alike anticipate the ongoing monthly event. The 2009 winner Stacey Tennan is lovely and reminiscent of an early feather-free Janis Joplin. She nabbed the top spot from the impossibly amazing Maya Beauchamp, whose “All that Jazz” number in last year’s finale was also impossibly amazing. Buddies’ resident Saturday night favourite, DJ K-Tel, will have you singing along, before the people with better voices take the stage. The next one is Fri, Jan 15.
Gladaman’s Den (502A Yonge St) pipes up with Fooftastic Karaoke every Tuesday at 10pm. Not only is it free, those who miss their Crews/Tango fix can get back into the groove with the help of long-time host and adored favourite Foofer. Her karaoke catalogue has more than 30,000 songs, so get on up there, sweet Caroline, and do your thing.
Sweet retreat Pegasus (489B Church St) rolls out College Night from 8pm to close every Tuesday with shooter specials and the usual student residents from the Primrose Hotel lookin’ fine and spending time in the classic pool-hall atmosphere. The weekday drink specials are likely to keep you warm and fuzzy but may hinder your aim on the dartboard. Don’t even get me started on the urinal. The bar opens early at 11am daily for those who want a head start.
What better way to stink up the new socks Grandma sent you for Christmas than by pussyfooting around Skin Tight Saturdays at the new Grasp Erotica Bar (543 Yonge St, fourth floor)?
The location, of course, is famous as the St Marc Spa but transforms weekly into the latest hot-to-trot party spot for both girls and boys. Amazingly there is no cover. The launch party early in December featured host and visual genius Lena Love decked out in all her glory whilst sexy devil Tyler Saint tickled pickles with a hot striptease and a few private numbers that had the boys lined up for a grind-up. His monstrous crotch in tighty whities had me recalling pictures of that giant iceberg closing in on Australia. The set-up is great and kinky with enough going on to satisfy both voyeuristic cravings and those urges to get up-front and centre in either a great new get-up, Aunt Tilly’s hideous gift or nothing much at all.
It may be 2010, but until you get up on out into space accompanied by a Stanley Kubrick soundtrack, these spaces will more than just do. Oh, and by the way gurl, that sweater has to go.