Legends say that on Dec 25 a guy named Jesus was born some 2000 years ago. And to the delight of retailers, we celebrate this contested event every year with irresponsible and sometimes unnecessary purchases. Shoe trees and tea cosies are a nice thought but this year, when you put on your thinking hat (red with white fur) you might want to try filling your bag with unconventional gifts from one of Ottawa’s gaybourhood businesses.
SENSATION-AL. Tickle your pickle or outfox your box with Bunny Mitts from Halfway Creations. The Vampire Bunny Mitt hides small spikes under the fur, proof that some bunnies do bite. Available in a wide variety of colours from black to hot pink. Made from real rabbit. Reg: $24.95. Vampire $44.95 @ Venus Envy.
PUNK IN THE TRUNK. Get your freak on Le Tigre style with Tuff Fuck. This hot pink strap on harness is solidly designed allowing for a wide variety of toys. Fits waist sizes from 36″ to 46″. Available for $79.95 @ Venus Envy.
FOR A GLASS ASS? If you decide to take a break from smoking pole to smoke a bowl you might want to grab a black and white phallic bong. These glass contraptions let your guests know two things: you like pot and you like cock. An ideal gift for annoying relatives; it’ll mellow them out over the holidays. $59.95 @ Wilde’s. Mini pipes for $9.95.
SEDUCE YOUR PROF 101. For the more serious and scholarly minded Robert Aldrich’s Gay Life and Culture: A World History reads like an encyclopedia of gay history. Lushly illustrated, this book is a must have for anyone who identifies as G, B, L or T. Published by Universe. $65.95 @ After Stonewall.
ONESEY. Fleshlight is a toy that tricks your dick with simulated orifices. Ass, pussy, mouth and a non-anatomical version which kind of makes you wonder. To be used with water-based lubes as oil and soap would damage the material permanently. Perfect for anyone with a throbbing appendage. $69.95 to $79.95 @ Venus Envy.
PLAYPILL. If you’re disappointed with your droop then begin the quest to perform your best with Dura Zest. This all natural male enhancement claims to be the safest alternative to prescription pills. 2 tabs for $13.95 or 10 for $59.95 @ One in Ten.
FOR STOCKING STUFFERS. Find the ideal thong for your dong or the perfect bikini for your weenie from Body Tek and Snob. A wide selection of colours and textures. From soft and silky to straightforward, there’s a garment to fit your taste — even if you won’t be wearing it for long. $12.95-14.95 @ One in Ten.