In related news: Rob Ford can read. I know, right? Crazy!
Anyway, as any responsible driver will tell you, the list of things that you should be doing while driving is pretty short. It includes:
- End of List.
Except today, Rob Ford was "allegedly" caught driving on the Gardiner Expressway while reading. I say "allegedly" because here's a picture of him driving around while holding a piece of paper at eye level. That can be any number of things, like . . . ummm, not reading, or . . . filing? Maybe he was filing? Okay, fuck, this is harder than I thought.
Anyway, in light of the photograph, the Toronto Police Service went on Facebook to clear the air and generally be awesome.
Just to clarify the situation with the Mayor "allegedly" reading while driving on the Gardiner Expressway . . . under the same circumstances, we would not be in a position to lay a charge for anyone. The distracted driving legislation does not cover reading paper documents and applies only to electronic devices.
Having said that, if there is evidence that the driving behaviour constituted a specific offence, the driver could be charged. A police officer would have to witness the offence or the person who witnessed the offence could initiate a charge, but only if there was evidence to support a charge.
Some would argue that drinking a coffee, changing the radio station or glancing at a child in the car would be just as distracting, but who among us can't be accused of doing that.
Finally, on behalf of all the citizens of Toronto that value road safety, Mr Mayor . . . please get a driver.
I'm sorely tempted to shout "SIMPSONS DID IT!" because in all honesty, the longer Rob Ford is in office, the more sure I am that this whole thing is one big Andy Kaufman performance-art bit meant to demonstrate the follies of local government. But then I remember that that would be awesome, and this is real life, so in all likelihood, we're just being screwed by mediocrity. Woohoo.