Toronto Diary
5 min

Robyn is still dancing on her own

Oh look, Robyn finally made a video for “Call Your Girlfriend"! Wait, didn’t that track drop last fall? Who’s responsible for making this video, Valve? (To the three gay guys nerdy enough to get that joke: award yourself a gold star. You’ve earned it.)

Timeliness aside, the video is cuter than eight kitties hugging nine puppies: it’s just Robyn dancing around an empty warehouse amid a kickass light show. Also, she’s wearing a top that kind of reminds me of golden retrievers, and as we all know, golden retrievers are specifically bred to make grown men fall to their knees as they babble, “ohmygodwookatthewiddlepuppyhe’ssofluffy!"

That being said, one minor hang-up here: why is she still dancing on her own? I mean, yes, I get that “Dancing on My Own” was a metaphor for dealing with the loss of love in favour of someone else with individualistic self-expression, but come on here. You’re telling me she can’t find one drunk hard-body willing to dance with her? Hell, I convinced a drunken guy back in my hometown to try to fuck a squirrel. He was unsuccessful (even squirrels have standards), but it’s the fact that I could get him to try that counts. If I can convince a drunken frat boy to try to commit bestiality with half of the team from Rocky and Bullwinkle, you can at least get a guy to rub his dick on your thigh for a few songs.

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