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Rod Stewart has never swallowed seamen semen

Rod Stewart has been long-rumoured to have gone to a gay bar in San Diego in the ‘70s, where he met a bunch of sailors and did what anyone in their right mind would do at a gay bar with a bunch of sailors: sucked and swallowed. As the legend goes, he swallowed so much semen he had to go to the emergency room to have his stomach pumped.

I guess one man’s dream is another’s nightmare, because when Katie Couric asked him if the story was fact or fiction, he cleared the cum phlegm in his throat to explain:

“I used to have this guy work for me; he was a gay publicist . . . I had to fire him because he did something terrible, which I won’t go into. He wanted revenge so he started this rumour about me, and it was horrible because my kids were at school. So that is definitely not true. I’m as heterosexual as they come."

Boo. I liked him better when I thought he was a cum slut.