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Roundup archives: February 2008

Each weekday, Xtra.ca tells you what stories have queer people talking.

Feb 29, 2008

Following a Young Conservative campaign to “freak out” your loved ones and Ontario Liberal health minister George Smitherman’s “serious consideration” ofwearing adult diapers, the Ontario NDP joins the game with this wacky poop-related headline from yesterday.

California governor Arnold Schwarzenegger requests an Ohio museum return his Austrian army tank, which he donated in 2000, so he can allow schoolchildren to drive around in it as a reward for doing well in school. Sadly, not all children will be able to participate in something so awesome.

Harper government announces plans to restrict access retroactively to federal tax credits for cultural products that are deemed offensive to whatever morality police are running Heritage Canada and the Department of Justice. Good luck finding funding for movies like Brokeback Mountain, Juno, Crash, Eastern Promises, or anything made in Canada in the last ten years that didn’t suck ass completely.

Feb 28, 2008

Ontario health minister George Smitherman is “seriously considering” wearing adult diapers. You see, this is the sort of political one-upmanship I was hoping the Tories’ “Freak Out Your Ex” ads would inspire.

DC Comics cancels plans to launch a “Batwoman” series featuring a lipstick lesbian as the lead. Apparently there is only room for one leather-wearing homo in the Bat-franchise.

Identical twin gay porn stars arrested in connection with a string of robberies in Philadelphia. The alleged thieves stole cash, cigarettes… and condoms!

Feb 27, 2008

No election over budget. This follows news of no election over the crime bill that’s raising the age of consent. God, will this government ever end?

Sadly, a woman dies during an S&M session after she went into cardiac arrest during “uncommon sex practices using very particular accessories.” But couldn’t they be a little more specific? I mean, as a public health consideration, of course.

The loser who claimed to have done drugs and had sex with Barack Obama in a limo fails a lie-detector test. Surprise, surprise.

Feb 26, 2008

Sad: Computer modelling of Britney in ten years. Also, funny.

Less funny: Jimmy Kimmel’s “I’m fucking Ben Affleck” video response to Sarah Silverman’s hilarious “I’m fucking Matt Damon” video. It starts cute and then devolves into a bunch of guests stars that do nothing funny, except for the Josh Grobin bridge.

Even less funny: Another gay Jamaican claims refugee status in Toronto, this one a cop. Last month, gay rights leader Gareth Henry claimed refugee status in Canada.

Feb 25, 2008

Liberal bloggers recently discovered that the Conservative Party and the web site stolenpornvideos.com are using the same stock photography of a shocked young woman in their print and web advertising targeting young men. If you’ve never been to stolenpornvideos.com, it’s a web site where assholes share homemade sex videos to embarrass their (soon-to-be) ex-girlfriends. The ads for the site proclaim next to the clip-art girl “Her biggest fear became a shocking new reality” and “The ultimate betrayal of trust.”

About the same sentiment is implied in the Tory ads which tempt guys to join the Conservative Party as a way of getting back at their “freak” exes. Which will achieve what, exactly? Is it so that your ex will take you back to talk some sense into you? To keep her away until you’re over her? To prove her right?

They may as well say, “Join the Conservatives! We’re so distasteful — especially to women — that your ex will think you’ve gone bonkers!”

I wonder what the rejected taglines were?

“The Conservative Party. Marginally more socially acceptable than distributing kiddie porn, but still kinda out there.”

“Voting Harper: Freakier than diddling your sister.”

“Tories: The butt-plug of the party system.”

“Because bestiality is a little too freaky.”

“We’re like jerking off over your ex’s feet in her sleep, but legal.”

Maybe I’m being unfair. It’s not like high-ranking conservatives have been known to make highly public, misogynistic statements about the issues they have with their ex-girlfriends. What? Oh.

Feb 22, 2008

War of the gay ski weeks! Apparently, some ski weeks are trying to differentiate themselves from others by catering to niche markets, such as those gays with kids. I can’t wait for the circuit parties to do the same.

Australian churches are protesting the opening of a gay mens’ sex club in a building that once operated as a church. Potential compromise: give the priests guest list privileges and promise to be easy-going on carding clients.

Residents of Montreal’s gay village are up in arms over a plan to turn the neighbourhood’s main thoroughfare, Ste. Catherine’s St E, into a pedestrian zone from Jun 20 to Sep 5 this year. Oddly, of 50 people who apparently complained to the neighbourhood’s mayor, the Post appears to have only spoken to women.

Feb 21, 2008

Investigators begin pouring over the site of a four-alarm fire that knocked out an entire block of Toronto’s West Queer West gaybourhood. Also eyeing the now vacant property, no doubt, are the developers gentrifying the whole neighbourhood, who have previously been met with much resistance from the street’s bohemian/artist/business communities.

One poll comes out giving the Tories a 12-point lead over the Liberals, while another gives them only a 2-point lead, and the Globe runs with “Tories flirt with majority support, poll finds: Lead over Liberals grows to 12 points” as its headline. Empirical Research 101: When your poll presents results that are widely out of the normal expected range of results, and is conducted at the same time as other polls that present findings in the expected range, your poll is probably a blip.

Former basketball player Charles Barkley is accused of hate speech — against Christians. Barkley accused US conservatives of being “fake Christians” who ignore parts of the Bible that don’t fit their message. While Barkley is accused of saying hateful things, other Obama supporters don’t quite say much of anything.

Feb 20, 2008

Eric Bana, playing Tom Cruise in his old Australian sketch-comedy show, makes out with himself. Old, but kinda hot, and it’s a slow news day.

Northern Ireland’s culture minister blasts the country’s only gay rugby team for promoting “apartheid” in sport. In fairness to the minister, the club has been engaging in police brutality, political repression, detentions without trial, torture, and censorship.

Moscow gay pride organizers who were brutalized by police at a rally last year, ask the European Court of Human Rights to order the Russian government to pay them one million euros in compensation. Of course, since a similar complaint is still pending stemming from the previous years’ Moscow Pride, no one should hold their breaths.

Feb 19, 2008

A body found at an abbey has been identified as the gay lover of 14th-century king Edward II of England. Researchers first suspected that the body was Eddie’s boy toy when, upon being discovered by anthropologists, he apologized for the state of his 700-year-old skin, and promptly asked for some moisturizer.

A California man accuses his gym of gay discrimination when it rescinds his membership for a wearing a shirt that reads “I need a man or a date, serious inquiries only” followed by his phone number. Maybe they just booted him for being lazy. It’s a fucking gym. Get off your ass and ask someone out if you need a man.

US Rep. Denny Rehberg (R-Montana) plays a prank on Idaho Rep. Mike Simpson (R), planting queer parahernalia on him during a trip to the Middle East. Oh, come on, it’s not like people get killed over there for being gay. What? Oh, they do? Well, at least they don’t get killed in the States for being gay. What? Oh.

Feb 18, 2008

Lance Bass promotes his memoir on Jimmy Kimmel live. Thoughts: If the story of coming out to Britney Spears is that boring, what the hell would make me want to read that? And, how did Bass get his left eyebrow stuck like that? Botched face-lift?

Now Magazine’s annual Love and Sex survey indicates that a growing segment of the population — or, rather, a growing segment of the part of the population that reads Now Magazine and decides to respond to surveys — considers themselves queer. So, one in four of the emaciated hipsters who wear too much eyeshadow and hang out at that second-hand record store on West Queen West while reading Now enjoys sexual relations with members of the same sex? Alright! Time to party like it’s an alternative poetry reading in the basement of a pot cafe!

Don’t forget to wish a Happy Family Day to all of Ontario’s orphans!

Feb 15, 2008

Putting the cart before the horse: Rhode Island debates legalizing gay divorce before legalizing gay marriage. Baby steps, people.

A Jamaican gay activist who has been gay bashed in his country seeks refugee status in Canada. All previous experience with the Harper government (and for that matter, the Liberals before them), leads me to believe it should be smooth sailing from here on out.

Maryland’s Attorney-General believes the state will have legal gay marriages within the next five to fifteen years. Gay marriage opponents, however are quick to counter that legalizing gay marriage would turn the state into some kind of land filled with Mary’s.

Feb 14, 2008

The Toronto Star’s worst columnist writes on the murder of Janko Naglic — owner of Toronto gay club The Barn — in her signature disgustingly inhumane style. “Here we have a vestibule — mind the corpse…” Appalling.

Perhaps no longer remembering the 2003 accident that saw one of their white tigers maul Roy Horn nearly to death on stage in front of a horrified audience, Sigfreid and Roy are returning to their live animal show for a one-night benefit for Alzheimer’s.

Floridian group Know Thy Neighbour posts information on all 600,000+ people who signed a petition calling for an anti-gay-marriage amendment to the state constitution.

Feb 13, 2008

Dion leads a mass abstention to the Tory motion requiring the Senate to pass its crime/age-of-consent bill by the end of the month, arguing the House has no jurisdiction over the Senate. The Liberals, however, didn’t have enough votes to block the motion anyway, so it’s not as if voting would have made a difference.

Win a date with Ken Dryden! Or Bob Rae! Or Paul Martin! (Odds of winning are better if you’re a rich corporation seeking to gain political influence). The Liberals are auctioning off their luminaries to raise money for their party after finding a loophole in campaign finance rules that ban corporate donations over $1,100. Say, what is fair market value for a future cabinet minister?

And UK unions are calling for the government to include questions about sexual identity on the next government census in 2011. It would probably just be easier to search gay.co.uk.

Feb 12, 2008

George Jonas reminisces about sex behind the Iron Curtain. It was different than how Bel Ami shows it, apparently.

A study in the UK shows people have a wide range of sexual fantasies that they rarely discuss or attempt to fulfill, proving my theory that the beauty of sexual fantasies is just like the beauty of snowflakes, in that no two are alike. Also, they’re fun to catch on your tongue.

National Post headline: “Harper ready to ask GG to pull plug.” Is that what’s up his ass lately? No need to trouble poor Ms. Jean. Just relax, maybe take a soothing bubble bath, apply some Astroglide, and give it a good push.

Feb 11, 2008

A group of gay Mormons called Affirmation wants to talk to the church’s new leader Thomas S. Monson, about queer issues in the Church. Monson has not yet responded to the request, which has led some members of Affirmation to question whether their strategy of ringing his doorbell first thing in the morning, during the dinner hour, and during his favourite television program, then asking him to review some informative pamphlets and videos which they’ll come back for in a week or so, is really working.

Asian gays and lesbians in the UK discover the Rock Hudson way of hiding their homosexuality.

A Malaysian man is arrested in Adelaide, Australia, for attempting to bring porn into the country on his laptop. It is actually illegal to bring porn of any kind into the continent-country, which is a helpful reminder that some customs laws are even stupider than our own.

Feb 8, 2008

Harper attempts to force an election by setting a March 1 deadline for the Senate to pass his omnibus crime bill, which includes raising the age of consent for non-anal sexual intercourse to 16 from 14. Do the Liberals have the balls to make the fucking rights of ninth-graders an election issue? We’ll probably never know, because in order for the deadline to be imposed, a majority of parliament has to agree, and since the Liberals won’t back themselves into a corner that means that either the Bloc or the NDP have to agree — and do they want to go into an election as the party that backed Harper on this?

Cuba’s minister of culture speaks out in favour of gay marriage. A nation synonymous with a phallic-shaped object run by a leader synonymous with the gayest street in America approve gay marriage? I don’t know… I just don’t see it.

Gay rights supporter turned enemy Mitt Romney drops out of his presidential bid, and in his sore loser concession speech, he blames pornography and gay marriage for all of America’s problems, including, presumably, the economy, the Bush administration, Iraq, and Britney’s breakdown. (OK, maybe gays and pornography can share part of the blame on that last one…)

Feb 7, 2008

Federal environment minister and Laureen Harper arm-candy John Baird is under investigation for influence-peddling in the 2006 Ottawa election, over his action to cancel federal funding for a proposed public transit project. Yes, the environment minister acted to cancel a public transit project.

John Tory gives his caucus members — the ones who got elected last year, unlike him — a lesson in what it means to be conservative. Presumably, the lesson was scheduled in case anyone got the impression from watching their federal cousins that being conservative meant being a douchebag.

Feb 6, 2008

Election call next week? Don’t tease me Harper.

Nova Scotia’s Pictou County bans raising the gay pride flag (and any other non-official flag), only months after Truro, NS was spanked for doing the same. I wonder if Rainbow Halifax will officially pack it in?

Five men arrested in Senegal in connection with an alleged gay wedding. Gay wedding crackdowns are becoming the new famine, civil war, military coup and government corruption on that continent.

Feb 5, 2008

Today’s roundup is all about hot photos!

Volunteer lifeguarding has become really popular among gays in Sydney, Australia, and the picture leading this story gives me a pretty good idea why.

A manager of a Virginia Abercrombie and Fitch was charged with obscenity over a typical A&F store poster that depicted a very small part of a male model’s bare butt, but the charges were dropped when city attorneys came to their senses and realized the ads would not harm children.

Liberal MP Garth Turner blogs that the Harper government replaced all the photos of former prime ministers that usually grace the lobby of parliament with glamour shots of Stephen Harper. Turner has tastefully removed the photos from his blog lest they harm children who stumble upon it.

Feb 4, 2008

Extreme measures to shut down debate: Montel Williams wraps up his show after refusing to talk about Heath Ledger’s death on a FOX News appearance, and berating the host for not talking about the US soldiers who are dying in Iraq.

Ontario premier McGuinty says he’ll intervene if other school boards copy the Toronto District School Board’s plan to launch an “Afrocentric” school — and also calls on Torontonians to pressure the TDSB to overturn its decision. Everyone might as well forget about the Pink Triangle Program and the First Nations School.

Family Guy creator Seth McFarlane outs Stewie Griffin to The Advocate, not that there haven’t been clues.

Feb 1, 2008

Silverchair frontman Daniel Johns angrily tells fans “I’m not fucking gay,” prompting millions to respond “Silverchair still has fans?”

Controversy erupts over the dismissal of a judge from the Miss Toronto Tourism competition over her stated practice of rieki and tarot reading. Many gay people who probably wouldn’t have known about the event otherwise appear to be boycotting it, according to the Facebook group that’s sprung up over it.

Are you as turned on by the gay sex lives of early twentieth-century British economists who seem to suffer from obsessive-compulsive disorder as I am? Then today’s your lucky day.

Previous Months:

January 2008
December 2007
November 2007
October 2007
September 2007
August 2007
July 2007
June 2007
May 2007