Canada
8 min

Roundup archives: July 2007

Each weekday, Xtra tells you what stories have queer people talking.

Jul 31, 2007

Paris Hilton loses her inheritence. Thank god she has a music career to fall back on.

Brian Dunkleman wishes AIDS on Ryan Seacrest. I’d probably be offended if I knew who either of those people were.

A “hetero boat” will participate in Amsterdam’s annual gay boat parade in solidarity of rising homophobia in the Netherlands. The totally straight boat is also reportedly looking for other heterosexual boats in committed relationships for some discrete docking.

Jul 30, 2007

Dutch heath authorities float a giant condom over a rock concert to promote safe sex and inflate Dutch women’s expectations.

Two Italian men get booked for obscenity for allegedly kissing in front of Rome’s Coliseum. Which is obscene, because the ancient Romans who built the Coliseum never did that.

Gay people from New Mexico win the right to marry in Massachusetts, in a victory for legal absurdity fans everywhere!

Jul 27, 2007

Gay actor Rupert Everett speaks out against gays adopting children. So The Next Best Thing, that was just acting?

Anderson Cooper may be getting his own fragrance. But will it smell like shelf paper or drycleaning?

Speaking of ambiguously gay TV icons, Oprah is still the highest paid person in television. If you read the story and you’re wondering how Zach Braff is the fifth highest-paid TV personality, don’t worry — it’s the Post’s screw-up, finish the article.

Jul 26, 2007

Ireland could soon be the next country to recognize same-sex civil partnerships, which Prime Minister Bertie Ahern says will be equivalent to marriage in all but name. Finally, Lucky the Leprechaun can make an honest man out of the Trix Rabbit. (PS to Colin Farrell: No more excuses. I’m waiting…)

Massachusetts gay marriage opponents give up efforts to put the issue to a ballot in 2010, meaning the first time the issue can be voted on will be 2012. If the early bird catches the worm, I suspect gays who lined up to be the first to same-sex marry each other might have an edge over the procrastinators in that one.

Genre may be going bankrupt. At this rate, we’ll be the only gay publication left in a few years.

Jul 25, 2007

Lindsay Lohan is arrested for cocaine possession. Although I so called this, I’m not going to brag — Lohan’s binges are a predictable force of nature, like the sun rise, the changing of the leaves in the fall, or the guy who hits on me everyday at Starbucks.

Gays stage a kiss-in at Ottawa restaurant Mexicali Rosa’s, and Xtra gets video. Kiss-in organizer Adam Graham says “There’s a sense that homophobia doesn’t exist in the city when we know that it does.” Homophobia? In the seat of Canada’s new government? I’m shocked.

We all knew I Now Pronounce You Chuck and Larry was going to ignite the usual knee-jerk response from gay groups, but finally, an interesting complaint comes from porn company Cyberbears, over a clip from the film Feed the Bears used without permission during a promotional appearance by Adam Sandler on Conan O’Brien. Strangely, this story makes me want to see both films.

Jul 24, 2007

Barelypolitical.com launches Obama Girl Vs. Giuliani Girl. It’s debatable what this video will do for US politics, but it’s certainly raised the bar for lazy do-it-yourself politicking on YouTube.

Beenie Man swears he never swore not to attack gays in his reggae songs. Big deal. I just can’t take name-calling seriously when it comes from someone named “Beenie.”

After Elton’s has come up with its list of the 100 most beautiful men, and once again I’ve been left off. Chinless Zach Braff somehow scrapes in at the 100 spot, and Jeremy Piven (57) is thanking his hair plugs that he pulled in above Andy Roddick (58).

Jul 23, 2007

It was a good weekend for the box office closet, as Adam Sandler’s pseudo-gay fire-fighter comedy I Now Pronounce You Chuck & Larry debuted at the top of the box office, ahead of John Travolta’s pseudo-gay movie-turned-musical-turned-movie, Hairspray, which came in at number three.

NJ Governor asks UPS to offer same-sex spousal benefits to its employees, in spite of the shipping company’s arguments that state law doesn’t apply to them and that offering the benefits will require a renegotiation of their union contract. It’s the second nicest thing a NJ Governor has ever done for a gay person.

Some British guy who claims to be straight visits a gay sauna. The story, which has never been done before, honest, ought to be a lot hotter than it is.

Jul 20, 2007

As per court order, Lindsay Lohan is wearing an alcohol-detecting ankle bracelet. So she’ll just have coke, thanks.

Halifax is going after the gay tourism dollar, proclaiming itself the “conscience of the nation” and home to “a long list of human rights firsts.” Including the first province to be the fifth province to add sexual orientation to its human rights code, and the first province to be the sixth to legalize gay marriage.

An HIV positive US soldier is charged with “assault with a deadly weapon,” after allegedly having sex with a teenage boy, infecting him with HIV. What’s funnier, that the soldier’s penis is considered a “deadly weapon,” or that a professional murderer is being charged with “assault with a deadly weapon?”

Jul 19, 2007

Canada’s Next Top Model is…
kinda frumpy. I guess fug is the new black.

A Simpsons Movie promo in the UK depicting a giant underwear-clad Homer Simpson playing donut ring-toss with a giant naked 17th-century pagan fertility god stirs up trouble with local pagans. The pagans are praying for rain to wash away the giant Homer, but I figure if your god has a 25-foot wang, you have to have a little fun with it.

Sissy boys everywhere beware. Hasbro recalls Easy Bake ovens.

Jul 18, 2007

Question: if you were pursuing a human rights complaint against a Christian preacher who publishes hate literature against gays, who would you approach to help you: the national gay rights lobby group EGALE, or the Alberta government? The answer may shock you.

The Hong Kong Court Of Final Appeal throws out the city-state’s sodomy laws. Meanwhile, debate heats up in Singapore over repealing the island nation’s own sodomy laws. I smell a new gay cruise destination.

Gay Paris launches an, um, interesting campaign to bring Londoners to the city for the Rugby World Cup.

Jul 17, 2007

British girl can’t wear a virgin ring to school anymore. Geez, how did the school find out she’d lost her virgin ring?

Fred Phelps offers to build a hate monument celebrating Matthew Shepard’s death in Casper, Wyoming. Mayor Kate Sarosy consults lawyers to find out the least libelous way to say “fuck off, asshole.”

Dublin’s gay community centre reopens, giving gay Irish folks a place to meet other than bars. Because gays and Irish people are famous for not drinking.

Jul 16, 2007

The Globe uncovers interesting things that the Canada Border Services Agency stops from getting into Canada. Somehow, amid the bazookas, spiders and Viagra, they miss all the gay porn.

I managed to make it through about 30 seconds of the Ontario Liberals’ new campaign site dalton.ca before our premier lulled me to sleep with his family history and strangely motionless eyebrows and upper lip. Has he always been this plastic, or was there a botox mishap? Plus, Dalton and wife Terri tell us in their own words how they first met. Is it boring? Yes. Yes, it is.

Portugal legalizes abortion, no doubt confusing Canada’s new government, which doesn’t so much like abortion, but also isn’t very fond of the Portuguese.

Jul 13, 2007

Larry Flynt claims to have dozens more congressional sex scandals under investigation, in the wake of two high-profile scandals coming to light this week. When you can’t have real justice, poetic justice will do, I guess.

“Crunk” is now officially a word. Mary J. Blige still officially a has-been.

Jul 12, 2007

A Florida state representative offers a police offer $20 to allow him to perform oral sex on him in a public bathroom. Well, that’s an unfortunate coincidence for gay activists in Fort Lauderdale, who’ve been trying to convince their mayor that gays don’t have sex in public toilets, honest.

A San Francisco developer withdraws plans for a condo after a city consultant tells him it looks like a phallus. Jeez, imagine what Toronto would look like if we stopped every phallic development?

An Italian art gallery removes a sculpture of Pope Benedict in drag, after receiving complaints from the Catholic Anti-Defamation League. What does drag look like on a guy who normally wears a dress and several pounds of gold jewellery, anyway?

Jul 11, 2007

Tori Spelling, now an ordained minister or something, officiates a gay wedding in California. Tori Spelling’s a minister? Maybe Pope Benedict was on to something about those Protestants…

Harry Potter fans beg for more Harry Potter books. Don’t worry, totally straight Dan Radcliffe still has a couple movies in his contract.

Muscle guys have more sex than skinny guys. Don’t get all self-conscious, twinkies — this story’s about heterosexuals.

Jul 10, 2007

Pope Benedict says Protestants aren’t real Christians since they don’t honour him. Jeez, man, you’ve got a solid gold throne and a villa in Rome. Do you have to rub everyone else’s nose in it?

A bisexual British woman is charged with bigamy after being found in a civil partnership with a woman and marriage with a man. Finally, we have a new frontier in the equal marriage battle (and one heterosexual men might get behind).

Gay prisoners in South Africa get the right to marry. This leads to many questions, not least of which is “prison riot, or domestic disturbance?”

Jul 9, 2007

A notorious Miami Beach homophobe is running for mayor, promising to ban the city’s domestic partner registry and require less revealing bathing suits on public beaches. It’s the worst thing to happen to Miami since that Will Smith song.

More Canadians are being arrested for possession of marijuana since the Conservatives took office and killed the Liberals’ decriminalization bill. Also, more Canadians have been holding it for their friends, they swear.

The Advocate stops shipping to subscribers in a brown paper wrapping. Is this an out-and-proud issue, or a bankrupt-company-can’t-afford-more-paper issue?

Jul 6, 2007

An Alberta judge says he wants to bring back corporal punishment while sentencing a man convicted of raping his girlfriend in front of their daughter. I’m of two minds about this. I think the rapist deserves whatever he gets, but I’m afraid afraid he might enjoy the whipping from, ahem, personal experience.

More talk of a Sex And The City movie. I say give it another year and call it Seniors And The City.

Former Sean Cody (NSFW), um, “model” Harry is now a legit model. Man, I wish I knew this when my Father Ron told me masturbating was bad for you back in religion class in high school.

Jul 5, 2007

Fans of German history and British gay orgies mourn the passing of the great-great-grandson of Otto von Bismarck, the iron chancellor who forged modern Germany while waging war against his neighbours. Gottfried Alexander Leopold Graf von Bismarck-Schoenhausen, 44, was known in UK social circles for controversy, and last year a man plunged to his death from Bismarck-Schoenhausen’s flat after a gay orgy. Gay orgies with the families of German war-mongers? It’s weird when the Globe starts reading like a Tom Of Finland cartoon.

A Florida mayor enlists the aid of robot toilets to stop gay sex. It’s weird when 365gay.com reads like a George Orwell novel.

Bill Gates comes to the rescue of troubled gay media firm PlanetOut to the tune of $26.2 million. It’s like a romance novel where the fearless gay hero swoops in and rescues the hot young man in distress and they live happily ever after — which is weird, since PlanetOut publishes Gay.com.

Jul 4, 2007

Avril Lavigne and Chantal Kreviazuk stop being friends. Chantal? Kreviazuk? You remember her, right? No? Me neither.

A Montreal woman decides to freeze her eggs so that her seven-year-old infertile daughter can use them some day, which would result in her giving birth to her own sibling. There are just some things you shouldn’t have to think about when you’re making babies.

A video showing clips of gay and straight sex scenes from major European films (may be NSFW) — meant to celebrate European culture, honest — is the most popular clip on the EU’s official YouTube channel. I can’t wait for the Canadian Heritage Moment showcasing Porky’s and, um, CityTV’s Blue Fridays…

Jul 3, 2007

US Presidential candidate Mitt Romney comes under fire for torturing his pet dog. Apparently, he drove from Boston to Ontario with the dog strapped to his roof rack, causing the dog to diarrhea all over the car in fear. Says Romney, “he enjoyed it.” Maybe the dog did enjoy it in the end. It would only mean there’s more than one flip-flopper spewing crap in the Romney house.

UK accuses four doctors of being behind the trio of terrorist attacks in Britain this weekend. So far, none of them are believed to be gay.

Ottawa drafts plans to deal with a “dirty bomb” attack on Toronto. Wouldn’t it be smarter to just land a pre-emptive strike against all the McDonald’s and Taco Bells in the city?

Previous Months

June 2007
May 2007