8 min

Roundup archives: June 2007

Jun 29, 2007

The Native Day Of Action forces VIA Rail to shut down service although the highways have been cleared. I sympathize with the Natives, but I hope the protests don’t get too spirited (or do I?).

A corrections officer in Pennsylvania loses his job after forcing two female inmates to perform a lesbian sex show. This is completely wrong. Gay prison sex is supposed to be between two men, Officer Cappas.

And the British gay dating site is claiming that it owns the term “gaydar.” Yeah, and I own the term “top.”

Jun 28, 2007

The TTC is now carrying ads for hardcore gay pornography. I guess it didn’t take long for the Steamworks ads to open the floodgates. So far, I’ve only seen the Maleflixxx ads at the Wellesley subway station, but I’d like to know if they’re anywhere else.

Ex-Liberal Joe Comuzzi crosses the floor to the Conservative Party. The equal marriage opponent will surely be missed. Hey, remember when the Tories opposed floor-crossing?

Jun 27, 2007

Sweden’s Supreme Administrative Court rules that prisoners are allowed access to pornography. Next on the agenda: pornography made in Swedish prisons?

Now Telus “hangs up on BCE bid.” Someone must be warning the Globe’s editors about suggestive headlines (see yesterday’s Round Up for the original headline).

Pope Benedict reverses Pope John Paul II’s 1996 decision to change the way popes are elected, replacing the simple majority that elected Benedict with the original two-thirds majority. I guess JP wasn’t so infallible after all.

Jun 26, 2007

Telus “pulls out of BCE bid.” No word yet on where Telus finished.

New Westminster Anglican Bishop Michael Ingram says homophobia is rampant in the Church, following a vote rejecting same-sex union blessings at the Church’s general synod this weekend. Also, the Archbishop of Canterbury is still Anglican.

Perez Hilton has his eyes and MS Paint program all over Prison Break star Wentworth Miller, and is spreading rumours that Wenty’s gay. I find that hard to believe, given what a masculine, heterosexual name “Wentworth” is.

Jun 25, 2007

Toronto erupts in annual Pride celebrations. Exhaustion delays posting of today’s Round Up.

Toronto also launches its new tourism campaign: “Toronto: As Gay As It Gets.” I suppose it beats the old slogan: “Toronto, Sweaty Like a Nightclub, But Not In The Good Way.”

Ontario “Launches 60-Second HIV Testing Blitz,” according to I think it’ll take more than a minute to make a difference, Mr. Smitherman.

Jun 22, 2007

New York State assembly passes a gay marriage law, but the legislation faces an uphill battle to get through the Republican-dominated state senate. Somehow I fear this is all an elaborate viral marketing campaign for the new Adam Sandler flick, I Now Pronounce You Chuck And Larry.

Canadian Anglicans vote on whether to allow same-sex marriage blessings at their general synod in Winnipeg tomorrow. Here’s hoping we have some jealous Catholic priests next week.

Barbara Walters says having Rosie O’Donnell off The View frees up the septuagenarian news host to talk about heterosexual sex. So that’s another thing we can blame O’Donnell and Hasselbeck for.

Jun 21

A Saskatchewan teenager is suspended from school for telling classmates that marijuana is less harmful than alcohol. But is it for promoting teenage drug use or for impugning the proud Saskatchewan tradition of teenage drinking?

Hilary Clinton says the high cost of health care in the United States is forcing jobs north of the border, where health care is cheaper. Is that why she hired “You And I” by Canadian singer Celine Dion as her official campaign song?

Speaking of Canadians stealing American jobs, rumour has it Jon Stewart is considering leaving The Daily Show when his contract expires in 2008. Could this be the perfect opportunity for Jason Jones, the world’s gay best friend, to take over? I’d support it, if only it kept him too busy to record those awful Molson’s ads.

Jun 20

Bill Graham, the one-time interim Liberal party leader who’s represented Toronto Centre for 14 years, abruptly announces his resignation in Parliament yesterday, asking Stephen Harper to call a by-election. Harper, that great fan of democracy, will certainly be in a great hurry to fill the vacancy in Canada’s gayest riding, I’m sure.

The Vatican. There’s no specific commandment requiring Catholics to hang rosaries from the rear-view mirror and place icons on the dashboard, so you can take them down now, Nonna.

Clearly going for the gay vote, Hillary Clinton announces that the official song of her presidential campaign will be Celine Dion’s “You And I.” Because, after all, any song good enough to meet the high, high standards of Air Canada’s promotions department must be good enough for the leader of the free world.

Jun 19, 2007

I saw newly minted Liberal candidate for the federal riding of Toronto Centre, Bob Rae, hanging out at a Pride-related party over at the Spoke Club on King West last night. It turned out to be a heavily Liberal party, and the Rae Gays were out in full force. When asked what he thought of Dalton McGuinty recycling Rae’s 1995 re-election platform, Rae told me “I like it,” before making an exit.

You thought your school experience was bad? Kids at Keele Street Junior Public School and Mountview Alternative will see their principal return to the school despite her conviction for assaulting a child with feces earlier this year. The threat of being sent to the principal’s office has never been more disgusting.

Hot fire fighters rescue a skinny dipper in Northern Ontario. Well, the story doesn’t say anything about the fire fighters being hot. I’m just assuming.

Jun 18, 2007

The new CEO of Tourism Toronto increases the advertising budget dedicated to targeting the gay and lesbian community by 50 percent. At the same time, he promises not to “sex-up” Toronto because he can’t “sell a Toronto that doesn’t exist.” Ugh. This could get ugly.

Fergie opens the MuchMusic Video Awards. I missed it. Can anyone tell me if shewet herself?

The Tories sponsor a car in the Nascar circuit. The “Stephane-Dion-is-not-a-leader-mobile” made its debut yesterday, and one professor is already taking bets on when the plan will backfire ? probably when the car inevitably crashes into a fiery wreck.

Jun 15, 2007

The CN Tower will soon be lit by thousands of animated LED lights, capable of every different colour and numerous psychedelic effects. I’m of two minds about this. It’s pretty, but we shouldn’t have to resort to strobe lighting to make people look at our national wang. It’s huge, we get it.

While we’re talking about phalli, Hostess announces plans to reintroduce banana-cream flavoured Twinkies.

Two teenage girls are kicked off a bus in Portland, OR after sharing a kiss. I wonder how long it took two teenage lesbians who enjoy public displays of affection to find offers for a ride.

Jun 14, 2007

Harper threatens to sue Atlantic premiers who criticize his budget. Yup, democracy in action.

CITY-TV, the edgy Toronto station that pioneered shows like QueerTV and SexTV, is sold to, um, conservative Rogers, in accordance with the CRTC’s order that CTV must sell the stations in order to purchase parent company CHUM. Yup, an independent plurality of media voices in action.

That also means the historic CHUM-CITY building at Queen & John will lose all affiliation with CITY, including the kick-ass signage, just as the historic Sam The Record Man signs at Yonge and Dundas go up for auction with all the rest of the store’s contents. Yup, historic pride in action.

Jun 13, 2007

China demands Canada offer university scholarships and vacations in exchange for negotiating on human rights. Apparently human rights in China costs only $60,000. Compared to the millions that the same-sex marriage court cases eventually cost, China outbids us again.

CBS uncovers documents showing the US military spent millions to develop a theoretical “gay bomb” that would release hormones causing enemy combattants to stop fighting and have hot gay sex with each other. I hope those plans called for the video footage of the carnage.

Prince Harry, still training in Alberta, slobbers over two ladies in a Calgary bar. One of the ladies sells her story to the London press. There should be a lesson here, no?

Jun 12, 2006

Could Sweden be any more gay? Apparently, yes, it could, and a group of politicians upset that it’s not quite gay enough are threatening to bring down the country’s ruling conservative coalition unless it brings forth legislation to legalize gay marriage.

The gayest branch of the US military is having trouble understanding that “don’t ask, don’t tell” implies “don’t recall to duty after a dishonorable discharge.”

John Tory launches his new Ontario Progressive Conservative platform in bid to drag the party to the political centre. It’s gonna take more than an ad in the back of this year’s Pride Guide, Tory.

June 11, 2007

Sao Paolo organises the world’s largest gay pride parade with around three million people showing up. With everyone worried about the newly industrialized countries gobbling up jobs and resources, have they taken Pride by stealth?

It’s not all bad news from Eastern Europe. Romanian police arrested violent counter-protesters at Bucharest Pride and stopped another gay bashing. Moscow, are you listening?

George Michael loses his drivers’ license after pleading guilty to driving under the influence of drugs. What’s funnier, that his mandatory 200 hours of community service may involve cleaning public toilets, or that his lack of drivers’ license may force him to walk home at night through London’s parks more often?

June 8, 2007

Isaiah Washington is fired from Grey’s Anatomy. If I watched the show, I’d probably care.

G8 leaders promise to give Africa the money they promised to give Africa two years ago. Says Harper: “Oh, here you go,” before adding, “Just kidding!”

And Sarah Polley’s directorial debut Away From Her tops the $1 million mark in Canada after five weeks at the box office, making it our Pirates Of The Caribbean, I guess.

June 7, 2007

Everyone’s worried about BC’s dikes. I don’t know what all the fuss is about. They only march once a year.

Homosexuality Isn’t Natural Or Healthy. Is today loaded-headlines day, or what?

Paris Hilton is sent home early from jail for unspecified medical reasons. Didn’t take her long to break those teeth, did it?

Stephen Harper is too busy scuttling climate change talks and defending our broken promises on African aid to meet U2 front man and global saviour Bono at the G8 Summit. The Globe reports that Bono was unable to become a pain in Harper’s backside, but maybe that’s just because French Prez Nicolas Sarkozy loosened him up first.

June 6, 2007

Ontario Liberals prorogued the provincial parliament three weeks early yesterday. I’m unsure why the Grits wanted the (paid) vacation so bad, but it does keep Immigration Minister Colle from facing questions on the so-called slush fund. Or maybe McGuinty just wanted to get up to the cottage before all the families and their children do. I think every gay man can sympathize with that.

A Calgary-based writer is suing Universal Pictures, claiming the new movie Knocked Up rips off her own memoir of unexpected pregnancy. It’s just like Hollywood to steal a struggling artist’s ideas. But maybe I’m biased since Half Baked totally ripped off that time I got stoned.

Stephen Harper and French Prez Nicolas Sarkozy went out on their first date. They strolled the cobblestone streets of gay Paris, dined in a charming French restaurant, Sarkozy touched Harper’s hand, and they even got into some light patting (on the back). Harper looks a little drunk in the attached photo, but maybe he’s just overwhelmed by the romance.

June 5, 2007

All-girls schools in the GTA are closing everywhere. Could it be that the Catholics are catching on that keeping teenagers and their raging hormones away from members of the opposite sex and in hot Catholic school uniforms is just tempting fate?

It’s old, but I finally found a video of Sarah Silverman reading Paris Hilton at the MTV awards. Catch it before Viacom gets to it. The Tobey Maguire joke is better, though.

Canada and Germany disagree on climate change goals. Or do they? Maybe they’re on exactly the same page. Or maybe it just depends on what ideological slant your editor belongs to.

June 4, 2007

The loonie tops 94 cents. Who are these lucky cents, and was it a loonie, or a roll of loonies?

Prince Harry may be training at a Canadian Forces Base in Alberta in preparation for possible deployment to Afghanistan. If you’re going to be deployed to a hellish wasteland of radical conservatism, Alberta would be the place to get prepared.

Paris Hilton begins serving her jail sentence in the “special needs” section of Lynwood Regional Detention Facility. That’s hot.

June 1, 2007

Quebec’s political crisis is over, as the PQ agrees to oppose the Liberals’ budget, but will not send enough MNAs to the legislature to vote it down. Let me get this straight: The PQ’s principled stand against a budget full of tax cuts for the rich themselves, is to take the day off work? Where do I sign up?

Knocked Up opens in theatres today, giving us all another reminder why it’s great to be gay.

David Hyde Pierce is gay? My world has just been totally blown away.