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It's that German word meaning "delight in the misfortune of others" and I thought that today, of all days, I'd be feeling it in spades as disgraced evangelical Christian leader Ted Haggard did the talk show circuit, appearing on "Nightline," "Oprah" and "Larry King Live" in an attempt to explain away his sexual hypocrisy and recast himself as "a heterosexual with issues."  What I didn't expect was an apology:


Damn.  I wasn't expecting him to be so forthright, even as I grit my teeth at the inevitability of right-wingers holding him up as a poster boy for "change."  Seemingly no longer able to convince the public to hate gays, they now adopt a stance of "love," hoping to convert us with talk of leading us to God.  Or, as James my artist friend says, "lead us to Auschwitz," whichever comes first!

Fortunately, when Haggart's long-suffering wife starts up with that crap, she gets a smackdown from Oprah:


But all in all, Haggard is no longer fun for me.  Straight, gay, bisexual or with "issues," I don't care — I just want him to go away.  But who can I pick on?  Not the "pansified" "Hockey Night in Canada" gang — Don Cherry loves the gays, no matter what we might say about his horrifying suits:

Mockery's hard to come by this morning.  I can't even go near the awful weirdness of the guy who died on the toilet in his gas mask or the horror of the XBox teen rapist.  There's just not enough "ewww" in the world.

Good thing there's the ever-reliable Stephen Harper, with his budget schemes blowing up in his face this week. If I can't make fun of sexually confused unemployed pastors or squicky sex crimes, I'll just have to settle for the Prime Minister of Canada!  Now I feel as warm and cozy as one of his sweaters — thanks, Steve!