Toronto
3 min

Seducing a pussy snob

I have a confession  to make. I am overly concerned with certain aspects  of my beauty ritual, particularly when it comes to the hair down there.

It has been pointed out to me that when it comes to this particular issue that I am a closed-minded superficial snob. I have engaged numerous friends and acquaintances in conversations  on the topic of how much hair is too much. I have argued to anyone who will listen that less is more. Until very recently it had never once occurred to me that I might possibly be wrong.

I have always believed (minus  a lazy day or two) in keeping a well-maintained pussy. At one point in time I was so obsessed with making sure my pussy would be perfectly presented that I would give myself pussy facials. Yes, that’s right, pussy facials. This consists of shaving, exfoliating and then putting a facial mask on the surrounding area.

I consider my pussy to be analogous to a fine restaurant in which case I want it always to be rated five stars.

At one point my obsession was so much that I took up douching on a weekly basis. The chorus from the OutKast song was in constant replay in my head — “Ain’t nobody dope as me… I’m just so fresh and so clean, clean.” Seriously If I could have figured out  a way to perfume my pussy with scent of roses, I would have.

This went on for sometime until, during a check up,  I happened to mention my douching to my doctor. She must have kept me in her office for more than an hour while she lectured me  on the dangers of my absolute stupidity. Apparently douching does far more harm than good because it disrupts the balance of the vaginal flora.  She told me that the vagina has its own normal acidity levels that keep bacteria under control and by constantly douching I was putting myself at risk for infections and  I had better put a stop to my nonsense pronto.

So, fine, I stopped with the OCD douching, but it’s still important to me that my pussy look pretty. I have long considered this proper sexual etiquette and felt that it was my responsibility to be considerate of others who would be getting up close and personal with my pussy. I certainly wouldn’t want anyone in such  an intimate position to think  of me as rude.

I really do enjoy being a femme and all the rituals that come with it. I feel strongly that adoring high heels, makeup and tiny dresses doesn’t make me any less of  a lesbian or a feminist. At the  same time I can’t deny that society places an immense amount of pressure on women to conform to a very narrow view of what is considered beautiful and feminine, even when it comes to pussies.

I’m not trying to suggest that all femmes buy into that Marie Claire, Cosmopolitan and Nair brainwashing bullshit. For many femmes the idea of removing most of their body hair, the need to shave their pussies bald, thereby looking more like a prepubescent child, is ridiculous and insulting.  I can only speak for myself.

Now maybe I’ve simply been spoiled or limited in my experience because so far every girl I’ve slept with has either been completely bare or possessed of the ever- popular landing strip. I’ve never been with anyone who wasn’t groomed and coifed to perfection. To be honest I long considered the thought of sleeping with any girl who wasn’t similarly coifed quite intimidating. What would I do with all that hair? What if I got lost? What if I couldn’t find her clit?

But life is full of twists and turns, isn’t it? I recently I met  an adorable girl, one who doesn’t believe in shaving her legs, under her arms and certainly not her pussy. This girl is so cute I couldn’t help but be attracted and interested. She is tall and androgynous with dark hair, blue eyes and a lanky body that looks underfed.  I so much wanted to make her dinner — just to make sure she’d eaten — and then possibly have her in my bed. I wondered if I had been wrong to be to so judgmental.

Now, for reasons I won’t go into and because of all of the lesbian processing it would take to explain, we didn’t hook up, as the kids say. But my attraction to her has blown my previously closed-minded self away. I am now more than excited to boldly go where  no Dainty has gone before.

When it comes down to it all women are beautiful and sexy and it doesn’t matter if their pussies are made to look like pretty packages, all airbrushed and fake glamour like in a glossy magazine. I had some strange idea — possibly due to too much of The L-word, fashion magazines and just plain old snobbery — that I am now going to let go of.

A lady always reserves the right to change her mind and open herself up to new and delicious opportunities.