Arts & Entertainment
2 min

Steers & Queers

Homo hoedown takes the bull by the horns

Miss the good old days of line dancing at Chaps? Been hankering to indulge your cowboy/cowgirl fetish, but haven’t had much action since Brokeback Mountain? Well guys and gals, spit shine your spurs and get ready to have your honky tonk desires fulfilled at the upcoming Steers And Queers.

On Thu, Jul 5 a gay rodeo roundup rolls into the Dakota on Ossington. Miss Conception will be your hostess with the mostest for the evening as everyone’s favourite platinum-blonde cowgirl, Dolly Parton. Join her and a posse of gay cowpokes and queerly belle pimps for the rootin’ist tootin’ist show to hit the range.

Tomboyfriend headlines the night and is sure to entertain, wailing out the country covers of your favourite noncountry songs both old and new, with such unusual treats as a countrified version of Macy Gray’s “I Try,” a crystal methed-out version of Patsy Kline’s “Walking After Midnight” and Bobby Fuller’s “I Fought The Law (And The Law Won).” Once the g’tar is all warmed up, be prepared to tap your toes to the band’s world premiere of their original “Wendy Cheer (Your Football Baby Tain’t Coming Home Tonight).”

This ragtag band made quite a splash on the scene with their hit single “The End Of Poverty” which saw regular rotation on CBC’s now defunct Brave New Waves. Led by the genderbending Lady sCRATCH, Ryan Kamstra admits that his alter-ego “is a bit of a shy girl publicly, but on stage has a slutty, exhibitionistic swagger and provocative, rich, bluesy singing voice.”

Rumoured to have busked her way though rodeo school, Lady sCRATCH “has a real mind for style that could be considered damaged glamour,” says Kamstra. “She writes emotional porn about hot trash incest and sex ashrams with hot divorcees among other spicy topics to amuse herself, and wants to bring about an end to capitalism.” With a penchant for the unusual, be prepared for participatory dance moves, costume changes and high camp.

If those wild antics aren’t enough for you, well there’s more! Trixie and Beaver, Daddy K and Male Gayze will set the stage afire with their steamy burlesque act to tease and please you, Mae West style. Keeping the spirit of the night alive better than any jukebox in town, DJs Tall Guy, Sigourney Beaver and Big Eva Edna will be spinning the tunes till well after the cows come home.

So come on down, pull up a keg barrel and wet your whistle with a beer and a shot of whisky. For those of you who prefer a highball over a shot glass the word about town is the bartenders at the Dakota make a mean mint julep. Be sure to wear your cowboy boots for a stomping good time on the dance floor and join the hip young posse for a night of big buckles and bouncin’ boobs.