Toronto Diary
3 min

Stop trying to make ‘Fetch’ happen!

It’s hard to defuse the stereotype of gay men as bitchy and mean when there are so many accessible examples. For example: Perez Hilton. Fish, meet dynamite.

The problem I have with this is that the argument becomes less about whether certain gay men can be bitchy and becomes “All gay men are bitchy and mean and THEY ARE THE ONLY ONES.” Take this essay by Carl Sandler on the gay bitch epidemic. Watch as he makes quite a few intelligent, salient points before blowing it all to shit by taking one of the most drastically utilitarian left turns I’ve ever seen. From The Huffington Post:

The gay community has always been highly competitive when it comes to dating. But the combination of limited screen “real estate,” a lack of filters, a sea of perfect body shots, and an overwhelming number of young, immature guys has created an app culture that is anything but inclusive. This is especially difficult for older guys, who are routinely dismissed and bullied online. Gay culture is one of the most ageist cultures in America. As a result, older gay men are targets of some of the worst online vitriol from other gay men. Many older men have to get “creative” when listing their ages or risk being unattractive to younger guys. Even compliments to younger guys can elicit mean, pejorative responses, like, “Go home, troll."

Now, this is a good point: gay men can be frustratingly single-minded when it comes to sex, and it’s a shame to see how dismissive some of them can be when it comes to respecting older men, especially when you consider that previous generations were tasked with bearing the brunt of the gay rights movement, whereas the younger generation is really only responsible for helping to tie the loose ends. We owe a massive amount of respect to older gay men for doing all the work so that we can enjoy what we have today.

The one point I would bring up here is that all of this isn’t exclusive to the gay community. I absolutely do not believe that this makes any of it okay, but I just don’t think gay men have a monopoly on being shallow and materialistic dickbags. I would argue that we’re just more aware of this shortcoming. The gay community is a fairly insular one. Since there aren’t any gender lines seperating who sleeps with whom, as opposed to the straight community, everyone is equally likely to assume the role of both perpetrator and victim of superficiality and rejection. Gay or straight, people tend to be shallow and shitty when it comes to sex. It’s just that the gay community is such a dense microcosm that these issues become amplified.

That being said, Sandler immediately undercuts any real point he makes by veering so hard and so randomly into self-promotion that you’d swear this was just genius satire. BUT IT ISN’T.

So last year I decided to build MISTER, a geolocation-based mobile dating app for real men — of all ages and of all types. MISTER is a place where everyone, especially everyone over 30, is invited to feel comfortable and authentic. You don’t have to lie or turn yourself into someone you’re not to approach other guys. Think of MISTER as a friendly, low-key neighborhood gay bar that you can put in your pocket and take with you everywhere you go.

Don’t mind me asking this, but WHAT THE SHIT. For the record, there was no indication that this was a plug in the headline or the article. It’s basically just a straightforward essay, and then all of a sudden, BAM! The entire thing is revealed to be nothing more than product placement clumsily masquerading as social commentary. Holy shit, how morally vapid and opportunistic do you have to be to use a platform meant to help others to promote yourself?

Look, since I don’t have anything to plug here, allow me to stick the landing for him. No matter what you look like, regardless of shape, colour, age or whatever else, you are hot to someone out there. Somewhere out there is a drop-dead gorgeous guy who thinks you’re sexy as hell and would fuck you stupid. That’s the honest-to-god truth. And yes, you’re going to be rejected by douchebags until you find him, and chances are you’ll reject a few guys, too. Just try to remember that just because you don’t necessarily find someone attractive, that doesn’t give you the right to treat them like shit. As I said before, when in doubt, just remember to not be a douchebag and you should be fine. 

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