Xtra
10 min

Thanks but no thanks

Sometimes you're offered help that you really, really don't need…

If, like me, you get your parenting tips from talk radio assholes, KRXQ Sacramento's 'Rob, Arnie, & Dawn in the Morning' did a whole show on transgendered children, labelling them "freaks" and worse (Huffington Post columnist Michael Rowe has all the gory details).  Arnie States vowed to beat his own child "if my son put on a pair of high heels."  Back in 2004, the show was fined $55,000 for indecency — let's hope they've been saving their pennies since.

Fortunately for these idiots, the Onion News Network knows slightly more than they do about sex changes (almost nothing!) — and how they affect the gay marriage debate:

For those still confused about all this "equal marriage" talk, the righteous Betty Bowers, "America's Best Christian," explains what exactly "traditional marriage" entails:

New York's Splash bar taught a 55-year-old man that the label "boyz" does not apply to him.  Apparently, older gay men are never, ever to be seen in anything less than Eddie Bauer, even if they've got one of those newfangled iPhones:

Maybe he's also updating his Facebook page.  Time magazine says it's a handy way to come out and offers how-to tips like mentioning "female golfers, Harvey Milk, various Calvin Klein models."  I dunno, Time — was Facebook even around in 1983?